mantlefan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I have a friend who I am very thankful to have in my life. She was going through breakup issues with her boyfriend as I was going through them with my girlfriend. She is close friends with my ex. Her BF and her have reconciled, and (yes, my ex and I did everything wrong, too much contact, we tried to be friends, she at first said it might still happen that we get back together someday) my ex has told me she doesn't think we will ever get back together. My friend and I became really close when we were going through the breakups, but now it's hard to give each other advice and be there to support each other as we are in different places. I talk to her a lot about my ex, and she spends a lot of time with my ex. It's hard for her because she doesn't want to be in the middle, but wants to be friends with both of us. I am not very good to my friend because even when I am not overt about it, I pressure her to tell me things about what my ex is thinking. I feel like at this point I need to take a step back from my female friend, since she knows that even if I don't say anything, I want her to tell me about what my ex is thinking. But I don't want to abandon her. Is it a lost cause that my friend can remain both my friend and my ex's friend? My friend and I could really talk to each other about anything for awhile, but now, I am allowing my issues with my ex to get in the way. And if I stop confiding in my friend about my ex, then are we really friends if I can't talk about what is bothering me?
preraph Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 You're placing your friend in a very bad situation. It's not nice. It's probably best if you just move on. Your ex probably wouldn't like her telling you things. For all you know, the friend girl might have her feelings hurt if she cares about you in another way. Those two are too close for you to be getting in the middle.
Author mantlefan Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Thanks for the advice. It's one of those questions that I don't want to face, but I should be honest. This friend and I got really close when we both got dumped. Now she is back with her ex and I am all but hopeless with mine. Is it crass to think that the friendship ran its course?
preraph Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Friendships with complications usually don't last long. If you handle it with dignity and class now, though, everyone might come out the other end still on friendly terms in a few years when everyone is past it emotionally.
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