Author Raena Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Note to self...do not piss off krazikat. Well, she is a "Krazi Cat" after all... who would want to piss her off? You have seen cats fight right? lmao. 1
BetrayedH Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Well, she is a "Krazi Cat" after all... who would want to piss her off? You have seen cats fight right? lmao. Apparently they practice kock boxing. 2
Steadfast Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Truth is, I'm not really ready for a relationship. I know that. I have some work to do first. That's a solid statement, and a position that will serve you well. It's bad enough dealing with cheating and/or divorce, worse still to not grow from it. It's foolish to take the relationship test before we've learned the lessons. While it's too soon for a romantic relationship, it's never too soon for companionship. It seems this is what you enjoyed most with this person. You and him aren't aligned, so seek your companionship elsewhere. Don't be naive; even innocent connections with single members of the opposite sex will raise the issue sooner or later. Correct me if I'm wrong, but women seem a little more capable of platonic relations than men. Be careful. One common mistake betrayed spouses make is making it worse, not better. 1
Author Raena Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 My son went to spend the night at his father's last night. It was horrible for me. I had no plans. He didn't tell me until the last minute that he wanted to take him. So I was stuck sitting here alone with nothing to do and no where to go. Like a dummy I drank a few beers and sent some oh whoa is me text to that guy. Now I feel like an idiot. I mean seriously, I handled myself pretty well until I got a few beers in me. Thank goodness he didn't respond, but holy cow. What is the matter with me! I feel really foolish now. Yes, no more alcohol, no more drunken texts.... just need to move on with my life and let it be.
harrybrown Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Give yourself some time and when the timing is right, you will meet someone new. Your ex treated you rotten and his actions are not from anyone that matters. I know that it is tough right now. Exercise helps me. Do something for yourself that is good for you and that you like. You are and will be a winner in all this mess. 1
krazikat Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) Apparently they practice kock boxing. Kock boxing? Lmao!!! Have to love predictive text....but what? Actually, a good idea...That gives me ideas for a new class I could teach! Edited January 5, 2014 by krazikat kock boxing...need I say more? 2
BetrayedH Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 My son went to spend the night at his father's last night. It was horrible for me. I had no plans. He didn't tell me until the last minute that he wanted to take him. So I was stuck sitting here alone with nothing to do and no where to go. Like a dummy I drank a few beers and sent some oh whoa is me text to that guy. Now I feel like an idiot. I mean seriously, I handled myself pretty well until I got a few beers in me. Thank goodness he didn't respond, but holy cow. What is the matter with me! I feel really foolish now. Yes, no more alcohol, no more drunken texts.... just need to move on with my life and let it be. I would bet most of us here would like to take back a few drunken texts. On NYE, I had to restrain my GF and her bestie from posting too much on social media (they're in public relations and weren't thinking clearly). Don't beat yourself up. Might be worth a quick, "sorry for the drunken texts" follow-up but life will go on either way. Better than having sent them to your ex, right? I sent one of those I'd like back. Ugh. 2
Steadfast Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Not just texts, but all sorts of statements and actions. I think back to a few things I did or said and cringe now. But you know what? Having your life hammered brings out the worst in most of us at some point. I once told my ex her lifestyle and attitude often scrambled my ability to think and act clearly. She took that to mean her power over me was intact. She was right. Live and learn. Not doing it again will be fine. 2
Author Raena Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Yeah, every time I think I'm past it... something else crops up. Sheesh, this breaking up and having my heart ripped out at the same time is so much harder than I ever imagined. Life will go on, I know it will, but it's going to take more than a couple of months. 1
Steadfast Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Everyone faced with the end of a marriage arrives at the same crossroads Raena. Left or right. Going left keeps us in bitterness; angry about losing control, saddened by loss and feeling powerless. Going right embraces reality with the knowledge that the only thing under our control is ourselves. If you're like most of us, you'll never like what happened to your marriage, relationship and family, nor will you appreciate the change being forced upon you. But you can/will learn to recognize the new opportunities available to you because of it. For some, an ex left once. For others, the ex leaves again and again -everyday- in their minds. One wound heals, the other festers and becomes infected. Which do you choose Raena? Your posts appear to be very honest and sincere. This is a very good thing. We can't move on to regain our mental health and passions by lying to ourselves and sugar coating reality. It may not seem like it now, but your honesty will lead you to the path out of pain and suffering. Keep going! 3
dichotomy Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Reana After the horrible end to my first marriage, I took some time off from dating due to my hurt. The first major relationship I had was with a attractive younger woman - recently divorced and a single mom. She approached me and was very forward, I felt flattered to have the interest from someone who was younger and prettier than my first wife.... but after 3 months and some sexual passion - she went back and remarried her ex! I was crushed!... a second time. Two weeks after she left for him, after a night of a few to many drinks - I sent her a WTF did you do letter...... dumb dumb dumb. But ya know what I am human, and was hurting a second time from a woman. Sheesh! You do need some time to heal. But you also need this time to prepare for dating or involvement with men again - that $h1t happens and there are going to be men who will not behave nicely. Easier said then done - but you have to believe in yourself and your worth - and not let others make you feel less loved or desirable or wanted. 2
Steadfast Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Feeling silly now...forgot the thread subject and thought you DD'd the ex. Like many, I jumped at the chance to be with someone else when they showed interest. Easy to understand, it felt good to be wanted. I read on LS the term 'affection withdrawal' for the first time and that hit home. Although I suspect my ex had always held the option to leave, her actions right before the split were sudden. Literally one day a loving wife, the next, ice cold. This happens when a new person is secured or desired. The rebound wasn't a bad person, but way farther down the road than I was. She tried to manipulate me into a commitment by using an old boyfriend as leverage, which exposed my lack of deep feelings. I didn't need the pain from another breakup, but I'll never forget her. In some ways, she saved me. My memories of our time together are fond ones. Side note: I had no clue how much this relationship effected my ex. She told mutual friends/family it 'devastated' her, while still being knee-deep in other men. I'll never figure it out, but the desire to do so is long gone. Live and learn Reana! The path out is steep, rocky and long. Everyone slips and falls backwards a few times before finally getting out. =-) 3
JourneyLady Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Yeah, every time I think I'm past it... something else crops up. Sheesh, this breaking up and having my heart ripped out at the same time is so much harder than I ever imagined. Life will go on, I know it will, but it's going to take more than a couple of months. You are actually better off, believe it or not. The fact that he was texting you while he was "in and out of something" most probably means he is the "grass is greener" type of person and would not be committed anyway. He was just killing time and holding on to you as a backup. That could mean he was more interested in possibly getting sex from you if his other love interest flew the coop. You're better off not wasting time with someone like that. You really don't want to be with someone who will message others while you're with them, which he *must* have done during some of that time... Nope, keep improving and hold out for someone who is interested enough to come after you! 1
Author Raena Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 You are actually better off, believe it or not. The fact that he was texting you while he was "in and out of something" most probably means he is the "grass is greener" type of person and would not be committed anyway. He was just killing time and holding on to you as a backup. That could mean he was more interested in possibly getting sex from you if his other love interest flew the coop. You're better off not wasting time with someone like that. You really don't want to be with someone who will message others while you're with them, which he *must* have done during some of that time... Nope, keep improving and hold out for someone who is interested enough to come after you! I totally agree with you. The more I've thought about it, the more angry I've become about it. Well, not the same kind of "angry" I had about my ex and that situation, just upset. Yeah... upset is a better word than "angry". He must have been carrying on with someone else while texting me. I did ask him when we first started talking if he was seeing someone and he said no. Maybe it cropped up during the time we were texting. I suspect that's probably more the case. I think he was genuinely interested in me... as a person, as a friend and maybe a possibility of more. He's the kind of guy who goes out of his way to help anyone in need. I've watched him do exactly that on countless occasions. He's a very good man at heart. He may have thought that he was helping me somehow by keeping me occupied with conversations and nothing more. I know he really lost interest when he realized the reality of my situation. I do have my son full time, I rarely have the opportunity to get out and do stuff and his father isn't consistently in his life. That will probably turn a lot of men off to me and my situation. That's just what I have to deal with. Maybe that will change down the road, but with the OW in the picture still, I can't see me letting my son go spend the weekend with him and her on a consistent basis for quite some time. I just feel very foolish for developing these feelings for someone who didn't do anything other than text message with me. That says a lot about where I'm at right now. Way too vulnerable and "needy". I see that term "affection withdrawal" and it makes sense now. I just wanted to be loved, needed, wanted... this loneliness is oppressive. On top of that, my desire to have sexual relations has kicked into overdrive. Now that's a topic for another thread, but wow. What in the world is that! I spent the better part of the last few years denying that I had needs and now all of a sudden, I'm single and I go through periods of time where I can't stop thinking about it. Way too many emotions and desires swirling around for me right now. I actually feel a little bit sorry for whatever poor dude does end up being interested in me. He's going to get hit with a whirlwind of pent up emotions and needs if I don't figure out how to get past this. 2
BetrayedH Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I totally agree with you. The more I've thought about it, the more angry I've become about it. Well, not the same kind of "angry" I had about my ex and that situation, just upset. Yeah... upset is a better word than "angry". He must have been carrying on with someone else while texting me. I did ask him when we first started talking if he was seeing someone and he said no. Maybe it cropped up during the time we were texting. I suspect that's probably more the case. I think he was genuinely interested in me... as a person, as a friend and maybe a possibility of more. He's the kind of guy who goes out of his way to help anyone in need. I've watched him do exactly that on countless occasions. He's a very good man at heart. He may have thought that he was helping me somehow by keeping me occupied with conversations and nothing more. I know he really lost interest when he realized the reality of my situation. I do have my son full time, I rarely have the opportunity to get out and do stuff and his father isn't consistently in his life. That will probably turn a lot of men off to me and my situation. That's just what I have to deal with. Maybe that will change down the road, but with the OW in the picture still, I can't see me letting my son go spend the weekend with him and her on a consistent basis for quite some time. I just feel very foolish for developing these feelings for someone who didn't do anything other than text message with me. That says a lot about where I'm at right now. Way too vulnerable and "needy". I see that term "affection withdrawal" and it makes sense now. I just wanted to be loved, needed, wanted... this loneliness is oppressive. On top of that, my desire to have sexual relations has kicked into overdrive. Now that's a topic for another thread, but wow. What in the world is that! I spent the better part of the last few years denying that I had needs and now all of a sudden, I'm single and I go through periods of time where I can't stop thinking about it. Way too many emotions and desires swirling around for me right now. I actually feel a little bit sorry for whatever poor dude does end up being interested in me. He's going to get hit with a whirlwind of pent up emotions and needs if I don't figure out how to get past this. I have a feeling the guy is going to enjoy at least some of it. 1
Author Raena Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I have a feeling the guy is going to enjoy at least some of it. Yeah, probably
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