hejrjeu Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 My boyfriend and I took a break for a couple of months because he felt depressed and like we were more like good friends than bf/gf. He told me he wasn't sure of his feelings anymore, I suggested the break. There are things I've been really annoyed about with him lately as well so I think it's a good thing for us both to have time to think about what we want. (Though if I could, I would take him back immediately) Now I'm wondering, how do guys deal with breakups? Both as dumpers and dumpees - I assume there is a difference.
flightplan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 All dumpee's take it hard.. male or female. But generally speaking, I believe guys probably take it harder because they don't have the female support network a lot of women have. Guys tend to internalize whereas females have an extended network that is more sympathetic to their problem. As a guy, I've recently gone NC and it's extremely hard, but come hell or high water, I'm not breaking it based on experience. But as individuals, it's just plain hard.. male or female. Some take it better than others. 2
True Gent Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Speaking as a guy that's recently been dumped after a long term relationship. It is very hard. The worst time of my life actually. I've been betrayed and abandoned it hurts like hell. I've lost weight and I wasn't exactly overweight to begin with. I cried for days, and days and just lost all zest for living. I managed to keep going to work because I really didn't want to lose my job as well as my partner, but it is a struggle. It's been a few weeks since she moved out and it's getting slowly easier, but I have set backs. The biggest pain is when they leave for someone else, the feelings of betrayal are a lot to deal with. Anyone who loves the person who leaves them will be completely devastated after the break up. To the point that they feel like life isn't worth living, but you have to just get on with it. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Same as women. It sucks!!! Really depends on emotional investment. Male or female... 2
Haydn Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Doubt much difference from reading the posts here from boys and girls. I did not internalise when i was dumped. Must be my femanine side. But this break up hurt like nothing before.
fixing Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 As the dumpee. We have to go back to our roots, do some real soul searching and realise how awesome, unique and amazing we our imo. The rejection of getting dumped is what really destroys the dumpee.. So you gotta take back control in your own mind, take on that 'You dont want me anymore? Well **** you, im better off without you then, and ill go find someone who appreciates me' mentality. That, along with full NC you set you straight everytime i reckon!! 2
mantlefan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I don't know if it is for most guys, but my urge was to try to fix everything after my first breakup. "Let's sit down and talk about what went wrong and what we really want, and figure out from there if we should get back together." I just didn't understand why a 5 year RS was not worth another shot to her, and I only convinced her less and less that it was worth it. There's a country song she sent me once when we were together, "It's a girl thing" sung from a girl's perspective "You wanna fix it we just want to cry." I wonder if that is true, and applies to breakups at all.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Yes, this is true. As men, when we see a women upset / crying or really any problem, our minds immediately move into problem-solving mode. Its what we do. Women on the other hand hate this, as they just want to cry / express themselves. They don't want answers or fixes. They just want someone to listen and hear them. Seems simple enough, but always becomes harder than it appears.
wwwwww Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 The hardest part for me currently is trying to remain in a logical state of thinking, at the same time trying to swallow the emotions which are out of control inside where all the pain is. I wished my ex would text or call. I wished that she would come back. Just like any other person who's dealing with a breakup now. Deep down I know that she's not good for me. I know the reasons why we broke up. But those irrational emotions keep me in denial. The only thing I can do is wait for time to pass. Try to forget, and move on. I think one of life's cruelest experiences for someone capable of loving, being compassionate and supporting is, losing someone you shared life with. There is no quick fix for these things. They say time heals all wounds. It's at these times where I must turn my emotions off like a switch, go numb, and eventually the walls will eventually come down.
jba10582 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 at some happy pivot point, you deal wit it and accept it, because if you don't, it becomes a heavy burden, and by not accepting, causes resistance, and resistance causes mental friction, and friction with a heavy emotional burden holds you back. But when you let go of this unecessary burden and of ALL that emotional weight, it frees you up, and becomes uplifting as, it allows the GIANT of life to move in the direction it needs to go.
jba10582 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 @WWWWWW - Yeah. It's a real sombitch!! or...you could bake some beans and relieve a little pressure that comes with the break!!! woooo weeee!
wwwwww Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 or...you could bake some beans and relieve a little pressure that comes with the break!!! woooo weeee! wwwwwwuut?
Oomlotte Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I literally go through the stages of grief, lol! I'm angry, I'm in denial, I cry, I accept. When I start having imaginary conversations with the other person about how upset I am or what went wrong (like in my head while driving...shopping...showering...going to bed) I know I'm almost over it because after the anger comes acceptance and then it's just done. No going back.
Oomlotte Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Woops! Sorry I thought it said "you guys" and not "guys" - I'm a girl... I literally go through the stages of grief, lol! I'm angry, I'm in denial, I cry, I accept. When I start having imaginary conversations with the other person about how upset I am or what went wrong (like in my head while driving...shopping...showering...going to bed) I know I'm almost over it because after the anger comes acceptance and then it's just done. No going back.
Xemyd Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I literally go through the stages of grief, lol! I'm angry, I'm in denial, I cry, I accept. When I start having imaginary conversations with the other person about how upset I am or what went wrong (like in my head while driving...shopping...showering...going to bed) I know I'm almost over it because after the anger comes acceptance and then it's just done. No going back. I'm not the only one! Lol I always thought I was crazy for having conversations with them in my head. I find talking to "them" about the break up let's me see things differently, and realize I'll be ok without him. 1
Recommended Posts