FracturedFroggy Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Here is the context: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/450864-she-came-back-i-m-sad#post5422521 ...if you're interested Dear M. This is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write, and to send, but for the sake of my self-preservation, I have to take some control of this situation. Note that I waited to send it until your week with him has come to an end. For this, you’re welcome. Also, as you read on, you’ll see that I’m making things much easier for you and for him. (whoever ‘him’ may end up being, in the end) I’m asking you to never contact me again - I can't know if you’re in love with him, but I can infer by your lack of communication with me this week, that you do love him. Either way, I could never stand to know. I can’t stand to know where your life takes you. The hurt from our relationship has left me empty and self-loathing with no self-respect. It was such a tax to try for so long to ask you to love me back… Any more knowledge of your life could push me over an edge that I’ve been fighting for so long. These last two goddamn weeks…they’ve been the worst experience in my life, so far and by far. All of my upcoming plans to improve my life have been dashed. My kids are again suffering at the hands of my pain. I have no personality left save for thinking about you and how I can make you love me and respect me and how I can make you happy, in return. I realize you can’t know my pain while reading these words and I don’t blame you for it. Perhaps someday you’ll will. Also know that I’m not trying to punish you by cutting off our relationship. I would never do that. I care for you deeply. Know that I merely need to keep on living by sending this letter. My advice to you as you move forward is, of course, as you’d say, "be happy." I sense you have a good start with him. Make sure you don’t let the pattern happen with him. Trust in his love. Make sure to consciously respect him, act appreciative of his love whenever you feel non-trust setting in. As I did with you, make sure to put his needs before your own and he should do the same for you. Weigh the purity of your motives and predict results before acting. If you don’t, you’ll damage him gravely and you’ll need to move on to the next man, again. Reading this letter over in my mind reminds me of just what we experienced and it seems like a tremendous waste of my life and I won’t pretend to not hate you for what’s happened to me. When I reflect on all the unnecessary pain you’ve heaped on me…I don’t forgive you. This may help you when you think to reach for your phone. I won’t answer. Remember that I’ll always love you and that during our time together, my motives were pure - to help you understand love and for you to find within it, comfort and happiness. Know also that I want so intensely to reach out to you, to try to cultivate a healthy love with you, but the risk to my well being is too great. I’m is such a state of self-neglect and self-destruction and self-hatred, I can’t know you anymore. So you must fight the urge to reach out, assuming you have one. You’ll find the remainder of your belongings back in your apartment. Please drop by my key and garage door opener ASAP. Leave them on the porch behind the remaining frog. Please reply to let me know they’re there. -J.
fixing Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 NO MAN. DO NOT SEND THAT LETTER. I just read though your other thread... So she's actively seeing another guy? Forget it. IGNORE ANYTHING SHE SENDS. THATS IT. NOTHING FROM YOU. 4
flightplan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Don't send it. Not good. Silence will speak more than that letter ever will.
JDPT Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 NO need to render any sort of explanation or future plans. I would leave it as leave my key and garage opener on my Porsche and that's that. Show you mean business. That letter sounds needy and weak.
Difficult Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I really do not think you should send this letter. It may seem like a good idea now, but you will regret it later. It shows how hurt, miserable, and desperate you are. You say you have written it to take control but it will not come across like that. The best way to go NC is by doing exactly that - go NC. Wish you all the best.
SameOldFear Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I agree. Don't send it. If you really feel the need to make it clear you don't want to contact her, wait for her to talk to you. Then say, "I'm sorry but at the time I'd prefer if we didn't communicate." No explanation is every needed. Don't let her know your sad or hurt. I promise you that letter isn't putting you in control. Imagine being her and recieving the letter. Would you think this person has any sort of control? No, you'd know if you asked the to come back they would. Nothing we say or do can stop you if you really want to send it, but I acted desperate for a month after my BU and I wish I could take it back. So please don't send it.
mendsley Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 My thoughts, subconsciously you want some type of response/reaction. YOU WILL NOT get anything out of sending this. There is a term in business that applys here - Return On Investment (ROI). ROI is basically what you would get in return to the amount of resources/effort you put into a task. What do you think you'll be be getting in return for this? Is it worth it I promise you will get more out of not sending this than sending it. NC is what you do, not her!
radiodarcy Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 It would be best if you not send her anything at all. But if you must: just the final paragraph letting her know where she can find her things, etc. Ditch the rest. Yes - - all of it. Even I had to cringe when I read it. She already knows the situation and why you won't be contacting her. You don't owe her any explanation.
spiderowl Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 What is the purpose of sending it? To let her know how much she has hurt you? To make her feel guilty? If she's seeing someone else, she has lost interest in you. That's hard and painful but there is no point pushing anything more with her. You are trying to make her feel something she doesn't. I did receive a similar message once from an ex. For me, we'd never been in a proper relationship - we were only dating to see how we got on. Obviously, for him it was much more than that. When I started to feel that he wanted commitment, I opted out. I knew he wasn't the one for me. He was horrified and wrote me a painful letter. The letter did no good for me or him. It wasn't going to make me change my mind. It just told me he'd got far more involved than I had and too soon. He should have stepped back a bit and waited to see before leaping in. I had already expressed doubts but he hadn't paid attention to those. Sorry, I know it's very painful, but you have nothing whatsoever to gain from sending the letter. At worst she will find it creepy.
Author FracturedFroggy Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Thanks, Everyone. Suggestion duly noted. The mail is not being sent. NC is on the way. 3
xMetallica Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 ]If she's seeing someone else' date=' she has lost interest in you. That's hard and painful but there is no point pushing anything more with her. You are trying to make her feel something she doesn't.[/b'] These words tear me apart.. A knife to the heart. Hate that it's the dam truth.
d0nnivain Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I didn't even read what you wrote. I don't have to know that you should NOT send it. Sending it is a HUGE mistake! It won't change anything. Best case scenario: she won't read it Worst case scenario: she'll distribute it; it will go viral & the whole world will think you are a schmuck. Print the letter or this thread. Find a controlled space, light it on fire. Watch the flames & let go of whatever you are hanging on to. But don't send it.
Yasuandio Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) In case you start getting all fuzzy-wuzzy..... STOP! DON'T DO IT! The tone of the letter reminded me of a depressed drag queen, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, singing, "I'm Going Home." (Rocky Horror). You state this is your final No Contact Letter, and, In the End, it is really: Big time Guilt. It says Don't Contact Me, I Won't Contact You, CONTACT ME! Boo-Hoo. Pleeeese, Call Me. We are here for you if you have a weak moment. Ok? Stay Strong! Yas PS. You are a great writer! Maybe you should go into the profession! Edited January 5, 2014 by Yasuandio
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