Kittykat96 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Ok so recently I have begun 'seeing' a guy from where I used to work, he's 34 and I'm 18. We get along really well, really click, have loads of the same interests, and obviously there is an attraction between us. While we worked together he was still with his ex girlfriend, but broke up with her the week before I stopped working with him. He got my number on my last day and since then we have been talking. His ex was very abusive, she hit him which a mutual friend of ours has witnessed several times and I've seen her be verbally abusive to him at work multiple times. He is quite immature for his age, but for me it makes him fun to be around, whilst having more knowledge of the world than me which is interesting! My question is, what would he want with me? I understand why I would like him, he's very attractive to me and we get along well, but what would an 18 year old have to offer him? We've only ever kissed and he said he's happy to wait for sexual things, and has talked about wanting to be with me in the future so I have no idea whether he's got ulterior motives or something! Please help guys I'm seeing him for our second official date tomorrow :S!!! I want some of idea what's going on!
WrinkledForehead Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 It screams pedophile to me. I don't even understand how he could relate to you. I'm 29 and attend an undergrad uni~my classmates are all 18/19. They are emotionally immature (I was 18, too, once) and I can't fathom what a 34 year old would want besides sex. I can't see how there would be a connection.
MalachiX Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 My question is, what would he want with me? I understand why I would like him, he's very attractive to me and we get along well, but what would an 18 year old have to offer him? Seriously? Do you really need to ask this? 9
twinkie0 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 This is beyond creepy. And like the guy above said to your question, what can you offer him? take a guess, honey. I think you're not mature enough for a realtionship like that. Go out with people your age. 7
Author Kittykat96 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Well the thing is he says he doesn't just want sex, so I'm really confused because honestly myself I understand that is generally all that would be wanted with a man of his age?
Author Kittykat96 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Maybe I am just being really stupid, I'm just gutted because we have actually got a lot in common, maybe il just suggest being friends!
WrinkledForehead Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Well the thing is he says he doesn't just want sex, so I'm really confused because honestly myself I understand that is generally all that would be wanted with a man of his age? Its a line some guys like to think is credible. Its good until he can persuade you to actually *have* sex with him. Not that there's anything wrong with sex, but if you're looking for a relationship, you should forget this creeper. 3
Frank2thepoint Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Most likely he is pursuing you for sexual reasons, but there is the possibility that he also wants to date you with sincerity. Since you are going on a second date and you two have already kissed, you are already sending signals to him that you two will be getting physical in the near future. If you have no problem with that, then proceed how you wish. But if you want to improve the chances of him respecting you, then restrain from getting sexual too soon. Cut back on the kissing, but still flirt with him and enjoy the dates. Since you said his knowledge of the world is interesting, you sound like you like him a lot and could learn a lot from this relationship. Take is slow and tread carefully.
Author Kittykat96 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 We kissed once goodbye, I'm trying to take it slow because I am very aware that a lot of people would be against the age difference, and that maybe I am not making the right choice by seeing him, I'm just very confused because he seems to be very eager to get to know me for me,however I have not dated people older than myself before so I can't be sure I'm not being played here, like you guys say! :S
Debanked Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 When you're 18 you're like putty in his hands. It's also nearly impossible to tell you anything rational. The relationship is sure to tick off your parents, family and friends because they'll all recognize that at 18, you're at a very fragile / gullible / emotional point in your life (re: still maturing) and that someone 34 years old will most likely take advantage of that. Is your father in your life? 5
Author Kittykat96 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 I don't see my dad haha, I know what you're going to say!
Debanked Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I wasn't going to say you're looking for a father figure in him, I was eluding to the fact that most fathers would strongly forbid a 34 year old guy from having any type of contact with their daughter, or make things very "uncomfortable" for him. 1
Author Kittykat96 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Even if I did see my dad, he'd probably not be bothered, he's like that...
married2school Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I would be very, very cautious. No offense, but I'm assuming since you're 18 you've probably just graduated high school right? You can be a mature 18 year old in your own eyes and still not have the maturity that a few years in the real world will give you. It would make me cautious that he's okay with that… to the point of not seeking a relationship with him. That being said, I have a question to pose to the other people responding in the thread… Where do you draw the line with this? What things do you think make for a mature girl who is able to date someone older and when does an age difference become acceptable and how big should that age difference be? I'm dating someone older so I'm a bit curious.
Debanked Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 To answer your original question -- what would he want with you -- besides the obvious, a chance to feel young again. I'm sure he is flattered by your attention as well. I have a niece that's 19 and if I ever found out about her dating someone 34 it would really be hard to keep my mouth shut and not try to point her in the right direction. These situations never seem to end well. I've seen a few instances close to home where the girl ended up pregnant and alone. You're young and carefree but you have to realize that these types of situations and decisions can be life-altering. They can be a fork in the road.
Author Kittykat96 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 So, in general, would it be best to avoid this situation of dating him altogether, or just be very careful as to where it's going? I honestly do not plan on being intimate with him for a while at least until we might start a relationship (which I am unsure of) so he'd be pretty disappointed in that respect...
ascendotum Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 This is beyond creepy. And like the guy above said to your question, what can you offer him? take a guess, honey. I think you're not mature enough for a realtionship like that. Go out with people your age. Yes because guys round 19/20 are so much more mature, and less shallow, and are less into the pump & dump, are more in touch with their feelings, will be more appreciative of her, are less focused on sex, will have the same money to treat her with, are more interested in building a committed LTR.
Debanked Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 IMHO, avoid the situation altogether. I hold my fellow man to a higher standard -- he *should* know better than to go for someone as young as you. When he doesn't, major red flags are tripped.
mrs rubble Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 He's only just out of a relationship you say? My guess is you are an ego boost for him.....he can land a much younger woman than the last. The age gap thing is something you need to think through....people may see you as a gold-digger and him as a perve.
Debanked Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Yes because guys round 19/20 are so much more mature, and less shallow, and are less into the pump & dump, are more in touch with their feelings, will be more appreciative of her, are less focused on sex, will have the same money to treat her with, are more interested in building a committed LTR. Guys that age are either living with their parents or in college. Their values and maturity are still forming. At least they have someone keeping an eye on them. 19-20 year old guys are just as "deer in the headlights" about sex as the girls.
winny Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 So, in general, would it be best to avoid this situation of dating him altogether A yes from me. U r still a kid.. why u wanna get involved with a guy so much older than u... n someone who looks to have lotta baggage too... Just stay out of unnecessary complications... Right now u r supposed to do harmless dating... n concentrate on a good career n studies n stuff...
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Based on your different life stages -- he's approaching middle age & you can't legally drink -- making this work long term will be difficult at best. For now, since you are legally an adult if you are having fun, fine. Don't let him pressure you into anything you aren't ready for. I briefly dated a 30 year old when I was 18; it's not like you're 12 which would be both sick & illegal. There was an old joke: Q: why do famous men date 18 year olds? A: Because they can. Q: why do 18 year olds date famous men? A: Because they are famous. On some levels it's mutally using each other but be careful. You are the more vulnerable position.
SmartDude Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Ok I will explain it all. Women are the masters of the realm of sex/love/relationships. They tend to mature emotionally faster than males(by about 10 years). Guys at 18 want to play video games, smoke pot, hang out with their friends. Girls at 18 are hanging out with friends talking about guys/relationships..etc. Young women go for older guys because they are gaining experience in life, in their native realm of love/relationships. Guys their age get left in the dust pretty much but can still get sex. The younger women experiences all kinds of men from many different age ranges. She basically has a grand ole time being "single". She thinks about the guy she is with who is 20 years older and thinks: "When I am his age, I want to marry someone just like him". Then she reaches 35-40 and notices she can't get men like she used to. All the guys her own age are now dating younger women. The midlife women try to shame the men their own age, calling them cradle robbers or immature or whatever. But now the social conditioning/mind control does not even work! Then they look for a guy called the "provider". He is a chump who will erase his own passions in life and replace them with her dreams and desires. Rather than having an equal partnership. But then she finds that she isn't happy that a guy gives her everything she wants.Oh well, now its time to have kids and just forget all that. The married couple now have kids. Provider/doormat man starts noticing he isn't getting sex. Goes without it for years. The wife puts on a great face but is horrified at the thought of being touched by the husband. And one way or another its divorce time. Now she decides she does not want the provider/doormat type. She wants to be single and go for that exciting fun guy again. Whoops, too bad. From years of being married to provider/doormat man, she has a very high expectation of what men should be doing for her. No sane single man wants to date her now, she decides that "there are no good men in the world". *Now of course this is all a generalization and only one possible iteration, but this is pretty much how it goes. Its called: The Circle of Life.
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