jamiephoenix Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) Hello everyone! I am a complete mess and I don't know what to think about my ex. How would you feel if your gf dumped you over an email and went NC for 9 years? There was no problems in our relationship, I made up I didn't get over my ex, while I was not really ready for big things we were too young. He tried to reach out for me for 2,3 years once in a while, but I never made any contact. Nowdays since october: I've sent him a facebook request and he asked me out. We went on a couple of dates, I made the first move. Everything was great couple of dates, no sex no nothing. I initiated fun talk about sexual things, he said we should do it, I said no because he'd use me for sex (I was joking), he said that he wouldn't. I changed the subject. Few minutes later he said he wants non commited thing with me. I sad no to that, told him I like him and that I'll only get hurt and went offline. Long story short we did have sex with no strings attached and we still practice it while we can. He is confusing me because he is acting like my BF. He always initiated contact untill 2 weeks ago. So, we talked everyday, we bonded. He talk about everything to me, from his personal problems to where he was, with who, what he was doing, always saying sorry if we can't see each other, etc... I was fine with this for first 2 weeks, then it started to bother me, because he said he doesn't want a relationship, just sex and now he is acting like we are BFFs. We always have sex and then talk for hours and go home. I never made him to become so close to me, I am not the one bonding with him or initiating this talk, he does this by himself. I distanced myself since the day he said what he wants. From 2 weeks ago when we seen each other for the last time: He lives not so close to me, he doesn't have a car, it's cold outside, he works 10 hours/day lately plus his sports and holidays, we both live with our parents which is not exuse, but he really seemes busy. He started to talk to me less, I thought because sex was strange last time, so I tested him out. I didn't initiate any contact first like always, so he did after 3 days. I've thought maybe he felt bad about it or he blew me off because of it. I contacted him first after couple of days and asked him out to go out and get drunk and have fun later. He said he'd love it. Then I texted him again for Christmas and asked him when we will get drunk. He said he doesn't have time, that he is busy with NYE and stuff. 3 days later I texted him hey, I was just thinking about you, so I came to say hi. He was replying to me,I said hour later of our long chat that I am going offline. Then he said that we should meet up for a coffe when things chill out at his work and stuff. I said great. 2 days later on NYE I texted him again and sent him a lot of kisses and stuff which I never do, he replied in the same way 30 minutes later. I got so drunk and sent him message on facebook at 6 am and a link with some song and I said was drunk with this smiley When I woke up hangovered, I just closed my FB account. Not because of him, he knows I want to get rid of social networks. If he wants to talk to me he has my phone number. He is confusing me because a guy who said he doesn't want a commited relationship since begining is not acting this way. I don't know if he is blowing me off or he is just being nice. But he doesn't owe me anything since I dumped him in a way I did, why doesn't he hate me Is he really so into me, because I really believe he is or I am just crazy? I will talk to him about this if he asks me out soon. For now I will give him a brake and won't text him anymore, I think I made it so clear that I'm falling in love with him for the last week if he didn't notice it before. What should I do? I am seriously planning to move on and go NC. He is busy, then he isn't, then he goes out with his guys, then he replies to my texts almost saying that he loves me. Then he doesn't initiate contact. Last time when we talked about people we dated, he all of the sudden said that he wants to have a normal girlfriend but not yet, before he told me he doesn't want anykind of commitment in general, like ever. I just didn't comment this, because I found this offensive and changed the subject. Edited January 3, 2014 by jamiephoenix
twinkie0 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 . or I am just crazy? That. You are. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but you got some pretty crazy, bipolar **** going on in you head. Not just because of the way you dumped him and that you went NC for that long (which is already real messed up by itself), but because of what you say. The way you test him, how you are interested and then not. You're hot and cold about this and changing constantly. Whether you like to admit it or not, you're playing with him and he seems like an alright guy so he doesn't deserve that. I don't think you should be with him.
Author jamiephoenix Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Yes, he is a nice guy, maybe he didn't deserve this. He made a contact with me when he accepted my friendship and he asked me out. I said yes, I fell for him and I showed him that I really do like him, then he basiclly said he just want to have sex with me. So, I started to act according to the situation and I've became distant and a bit colder acting like I'm fine with this, but this is not really me, so in the last two weeks I think I made it clear I want to see him and that I like him a lot. I don't want to talk about these stuff over facebookchat, and now a guy is busy, but he wants to go on a date with me and drink a coffe without having sex. I will give him some time, but seriously I am not going to ask him out 3rd time, so that he says that he is busy again! You are not rude, you are right, LOL, I know I'm acting and thinking like a crazy persons, because I am that person lately.
Author jamiephoenix Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 After my meltdown yesterday I've give it a thought. I will talk to my ex, but how, where and when I seriously don't know. Last week when I texted him and invited him out, he was busy, he still is busy 1. I can wait for him to make a promisses he made and go on a date when he gets some time to talk to him in person. I don't have so much luxury! 2. Or I can send him an email, tell him everything that is bothering me in a nice, cool funny way without any obligations from him 1st option is the best, but the thing is that I don't have time, this is killing me lately, I can't concentrate on my work and things I must do, I can wait for a few days anymore, its torture. 2nd option is childish and immature, but at least I can be brutally honest and tell him exactly how I feel, just to read it out loud and I would tell him that I don't expect anything for him. Letter or talk in person? Which option is better and why?
Omei Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I think you should leave this guy alone and let him live his life. " He is busy, then he isn't, then he goes out with his guys, then he replies to my texts almost saying that he loves me. Then he doesn't initiate contact. Last time when we talked about people we dated, he all of the sudden said that he wants to have a normal girlfriend but not yet, before he told me he doesn't want anykind of commitment in general, like ever. I just didn't comment this, because I found this offensive and changed the subject." He is already told you he want's friendship with benefits nothing more he's made that so clear he doesn't contact you unless he thinks he can get somewhere with it. Giving him time will do nothing he said he doesn't want to commit then he wants a normal gf but not yet, this is all meaning aka not you. He is really clear about being friends that have sex and it will never be anything else and he's waiting for you to decide or convince you too, but its like you're trying to find secret coding in his words that are not there he doesn't want a relationship with you.
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