Siouxsie1980 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Hey, first of all sorry for my english. I’ve been lurking around for the last couple of weeks reading other people stories, and I guess I finally got some courage to post and ask for support. I was in a relationship for 10 years with a girl and she dumped me 2 months ago. It was kind of out of the blue (not really but it felt like it), she came to me one day saying she wanted out (no previous discussion, no looking for counseling, no alarms). She took our dog with her (which was extra pain for an already difficult situation). I’m 33 and she’s 30. I’m completely heartbroken. The first 2 weeks were like for the most of the dumpees: couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, cried every single day. My family and my friends fought hard to put me back on track, and I’ve got counseling right away…so step by step its hurting less. I’m really blessed about having them. The relationship had its ups and downs. We both dated men before, so it was our first relationship with women, our coming out with our families (and all the struggles), the first real love. That wasn’t easy. Our professional paths were different…I finished college, got a good job, bought my own place, made my money. When I met her she was starting college and working with her family, me supporting us…10 years after she’s struggling in the same place. In 2010 I’ve got a possibility for an expat to Italy, and we both agreed for me to take it because she’d follow as soon as she could. This never happened, she was still struggling with college, never made a decision on that…and we spent 2 years mostly away (she’d stay 3 months, then 4 months away, etc). I couldn’t go back because it implied a strong financial commitment with my company I couldn’t face. During this time she was really apart from me, wouldn’t call me, party around with friends…I became desperate, and fooled around online with people…I was so alone (no friends, no family, no girlfriend…)…thinking that she would be cheating on me… None of that meant anything to me…but she found out a couple of months after I was back…when she stalked my email, cell phone, etc. That was the downward spiral…she said she forgave me and understood my situation…but she actually never did. Started to treat me bad, screaming, never at home. I was so afraid that she would leave me, I was paralyzed for 1 year almost…when it finally happened. I know I messed up, but we both did. I never wanted to hurt her. I love her with all my heart. Today I know there’s nothing I can do but accept. It hurts like hell. I do believe we had something special but couldn’t grow up together. I was about to propose (clearly desperate) when she left me. My worries are regarding how I’m handling the post break up (talking about real healing). In the first weeks we couldn’t go no contact because she had to take her stuff away from home. Since then, we speak once a week or so…mostly because I initiate contact. In the beginning we fought…the last time I told her I was sorry for all the things I’ve done, and she said the same. But I didn’t ask her back because I know she’s not in that page. It’s hard to let go, so hard…more when you feel you let go the love of your life. I know I have to respect her decision and try to be happy, but it’s so hard. I want to initiate NC in order to move on, but I’m not doing it right. Please some advice! Thanks a lot for being there
oracle Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 There is only one way to do No Contact.... and that is No Contact. So Im not sure what you mean by not doing it right, cause you either have contact or no contact. There is really nothing anyone can tell you or help you do.. there are no magic steps. Everybody has their way of processing. And the key is time. With time it gets better, but its slow, long and painful and there will be many false dawns. Hang in there
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