lolitahaze Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Hi, first of all I apologize in advance for my english because I'm not a native speaker. Ok, I need to write my story down, all of it, even details my family and closer friends don't know about my breakup. I read somewhere that sharing it will help ease my pain. Let us see... My boyfriend of 3.5 years dumped me 2 months ago, almost out of the blue. We were living together, he left the house acting weird and texted me saying I had to pack my stuff and leave the house, that he was not feeling confortable and wanted to be alone. I asked why, so shocked, and he told me excuses such as one silly argument we had had the day before. Nothing made sense to me, we were a happy couple and he had been telling me how much he loved me and talking about our future together the week before. So, feeling like I was going to die from the pain in my chest I had to pack my stuff alone y left. I spent 3 weeks NC asking myself why, thinking it was my fault, wishing he called me to say he was sorry. But instead, out of desperation I broke NC one day and he eventually told me the actual reason for leaving me was he had feelings for another woman. OMG, I feel the world was over, I wanted to die. Still he said to me he loved me and that he felt I was the one for him and that he was really confused. He even told me it would not be a surprise for him if he eventually regreted his decision. When that conversation was over,we went NC again for a couple of weeks. I had the worst time of my life, imaging him with her, feeling like crap. I visited my doctor once because the anxiety was so bad that I used to woke up in the middle of the night feeling a terrible pain in my chest, everytime I opened the eyes he came to my mind and when I was sleeping I dreamt of him. That was hell on earth. One day he broke NC and started to tell me he really loved me, missed me, etc. I was stupid enough to talk to him back, talking to him was the only way to feel better. I know now that was an illusion. We talked for weeks (he still telling me he loved the other girl too but loved me more and didnt want to lose me) I know, I lost my self respect and dignity doing that. We had the most beautiful conversations, about how special I was for him, how he missed every single thing about me...this went on for a couple of weeks. One day, he asked me to go to the movies, i agreed (how wrong I was to think that would lead to a second chance and a happy ending) so we went and had sex later on. Sex was amazing, best thing on earth. But then everything started to go wrong, he stopped talking to me. OMG, this is not happening to me...i felt so used. The last thing I knew of him was that he is not talking to me because he discovered that when he left me I started accepting guys as friends on facebook and uploading inappropriate pictures of me (what he meant by inappropriate was pictures posing cause Im into fitness, no nakedness at all, in gym clothes) seriously? he told me i had embarrased and dissapointed him. I WAS SO SHOCKED, hello? (he is of the jelous type) He left me for another girl and I'm the one dissapointing somebody here? BTW those guys on fb i didn't even talked to them once. Now I feel like ****, we had sex and I thought he wanted me back. Now he says I am not that special for him anymore...i feel like i'm being dumped again, and back to day one after the breakup again. Why after all the **** he has put me thru still feel i love him and want him? everytime I think he is not going to talk to me anymore the pain in my chest is unbearable. What can I do? How can I get over this guy who treats me so bad? I am so in love with him, but I know I deserve better...but yet we had so many thing in common, got along so well, sex was amazing, has plans about the future...now thinking that all is over breaks my heart so bad. I feel I can't live without him, but I know I have to, how to forget what I feel and get over him? I hope I am not alone in this, somebody please tell me this is going to get better...my friends have not being supportive and I feel so alone...
honeybee73 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I understand how you feel. You need to try your best to go no contact. He needs to feel the loss of you out of his life. Right now he knows that you will be there as a back up if things go wrong for him. It will not be easy to cut ties but you need to do this to help you heal also. Don't worry about what makes him mad. That's not your problem. If he wanted a say in your life he shouldn't have left you.
Author lolitahaze Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Thank you, yes you're right. I should have stayed NC ever since he left me...keeping contact has only caused me more pain. I made a fool of myself. Now I am ready to do it for good...although I know is going to be hard...I just want to feel better and smile again.
honeybee73 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) Don't feel bad alot of us makes fools of ourselves in one way or another after we are broken up with. Trust me I did too! I bounced from sending loving texts to sending you're a jerk texts atleast once a week after no contact for over 3 weeks when he first broke up with me. I tried the whole "being friends" thing too... it does not work if you still have feelings for them. I'm back to no contact though. I realized nothing I do will make him come back, no magic words, no actions I take. Nope! Just as in your case it has to be them that decides that they want us. When you feel like sending him a text post here instead, send a friend a text or type the text out to him so you can vent BUT erase it afterwards so you never send it. I know it's hard but we want them to come back because they actually want to. Oh and don't let him just dance back into your life, make him prove himself first. I believe in second chances but only after someone proves they deserve one! If you're wondering we broke up at the beginning of October. He got a new girlfriend within a week or two after he broke it off with me. I still miss him like crazy but I can't make him want me. Edited January 4, 2014 by honeybee73 1
Author lolitahaze Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Wow, I'm sorry that your ex got a girlfriend so fast...I know how that makes you feel. My ex told me he wasn't in a relationship BUT loves someone else (a friend of his) which is just as painful. He telling me that she was special to him...ripped my heart out, although he says he loves me even more and that I am special for him too...but who cares? he is not chosing me, that is just words. I really hope things get better for you. Be strong and carry on with no contact. Today I deleted my ex's number from my phone...need to stay strong too. I believe in second chances too but so far my ex does not deserve it, so if he contacted me the wise thing to do would be to ignore him. I think the reason I feel so sad is that deep inside me I know he is not gonna come back, or even if he did, he is not going to be able to make me heal properly. I want him back only if he is crazy in love with me...is that even possible anymore? I don't think so... Well, time will tell. Good luck and be strong with no contact. We can do this!
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