Author collegeguy_24 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Going to say that possibly she is/was scared of her feelings for you and maybe how strong they were. She can't handle them, does not like them, want them. So she does the only thing she can and that is make them go away which means ignoring you, being angry, cold, distant, unemotional with you. Unfriending you on fb and among other things. Thing is, I was going through the text messages her and I sent to each over the course of the relationship last night. Not to reminisce, but to find something. What I was looking for was a place in Italy her and I wanted to visit. My roommate was curious about it, but I couldn't remember the name, as he said maybe he and I could go at some point instead. As a history lover, I've always wanted to go to Italy, which has a very rich history. Anyways back on topic, I found messages, where she was saying I was her first serious relationship, her first actual relationship. She was talking about how she sees me as marriage material, and all that jazz. Its just like a complete reversal out of no where. There is nothing you can do, absolutely nothing at all. you need to be a ghost to her. TOTALLY!!! This is why I am NC. I want to contact her, so bad. SHe is only here for 2 more days before she leaves for home, and I want to see her in person so badly. She is right up my street for gods sake! But I have remained strong on the NC. I don't want to push her away. I want her to come back to me, and I know that if I reached out to her, it would only push her further away. I went through the same thing. She broke up, ran away. contacted a little and was all over the place. She never gave any explanation or reason. Just a bunch of "things" that contradicted themselves lol She was angry, cold, distant, etc. Unfriended me on fb snapchat, etc. Would turn things around that she did or was doing and say I did it. She made things different so she could justify to herself what she was doing and how she treated me. Like I was trash being thrown out. We were friends first, best friends, then lovers. We were together for 19 months, she transferred away and within the month tossed me like I was garbage. Thank you for sharing your experience with me on this. She knows she is hurting you and believe me she is in pain but does not know what else or how else to do it. Do you really think she is in pain? After reading her texts that I posted in my initial post?
mantlefan Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Thing is, I was going through the text messages her and I sent to each over the course of the relationship last night. Not to reminisce, but to find something. I've been in that trap. About 3 weeks after we broke up, I looked at her love letters to me. Maybe if I showed them to her, she would remember how she felt when she wrote them and would fall back in love. I then begged her to talk to me. I don't know man, I think all looking for answers is going to do is going to make you really want to go to her when the clues in the text run out. I am not saying you are going to cave, but why add the extra pressure on yourself. Get rid of everything. All of her. If you can't throw it out yet, lock it up. Do you really think she is in pain? After reading her texts that I posted in my initial post? I am not trying to trivialize anything, but it's important to realize that everyone is in pain. Everyone is suffering. Everyone is afraid of something, and at her age she is probably especially anxious about what comes next in life. Even if she relishes hurting you, it's because she has pain and fears too. This isn't to let her off the hook or to make you feel sorry for her. It's to help you understand that it's not your fault, and maybe not even hers.
Juha Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 You don't know what is going through her mind. She will not talk with you as she does not want to, she can't. She probably has all these emotions going on and does not know what to do with them but just wants them to go away. Your situation is different than mine as you two were ldr. If she cares and even loves you believe me she is in pain. This being her first real relationship she probably got scared and who knows what she is thinking. She is young and obviously very very immature and can't handle real, serious emotions towards someone, yet. We don't know what her friends are telling her or her sister. In my case her friends and I got along and liked me but thought I was "bad" for her and would always voice their opinion to her I too was her first real relationship. She did say her emotions for me were too strong and she did not know what to do with them or how to handle them. She said this to me a few times. Sorry but she is not ready for an adult relationship right now. She probably thought she was but as it went along and she got in the middle of it she could not handle it along with everything else in her life. It's just bad timing it seems.
legion113 Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 She unfriended me on Facebook despite her saying she didn't want to cut me out of her life. I wonder if this will work. THis is new to me. In a past relationship almost 4 years ago, I did not keep NC and pursued only to fail. So this time I am trying NC and hope she comes back. I really miss her. At the same time, considering the history of her sister, even though she says she does not want or support that path, I worry she will follow her sisters path and only come back to me as a last resort. I know she is young, but she really has everything I want in a woman. I am very picky, I have created my checklist after years of dating and learning what I want. She even told me I met almost every criteria on her list, and she was drunk when she told me this. GOd this is horrible. She's not interested in being with you, is that what you want in a woman?
Author collegeguy_24 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 This being her first real relationship she probably got scared and who knows what she is thinking. She is young and obviously very very immature and can't handle real, serious emotions towards someone, yet. I do think this is possible, she is young, and while she projected a mature person, maybe she was just confused. I mean her messages say it all. She said she is busy this year with school, and work, and she needs consistency. For her, being single and alone is consistency. She never slept around, and she doesn't want to either from what she told me early on in our relationship. She just doesn't know how to do deal with these emotions. I mean she was the first person who said I love you and she was the first person who brought up the possibility of moving together. We don't know what her friends are telling her or her sister. In my case her friends and I got along and liked me but thought I was "bad" for her and would always voice their opinion to her I too was her first real relationship. She did say her emotions for me were too strong and she did not know what to do with them or how to handle them. She said this to me a few times. Her friends I am not to worried about, none of them have even had a relationship, and she knows and has told me they are in no place to tell her about it, she just ignores them. Her sister though, her sister has me worried. I've been friends with her sister for a few years now, and she is the most pessimistic person on the planet. Her sister does not believe in marriage at all, while my ex does. During the one day my ex was here when we met, and during every conversation we had over the phone and her sister was present for, she would always go off about how we are crazy to believe in marriage at all, and that it was evil and all that jazz. Her sister is one year older than me, 29. She has had sex with more men than she can even count. She told me, while sober, that she stopped counting after 40 guys because it was too much work, and that she cheated on almost every relationship she ever had. Now she wants to find a guy to be with, but doesn't want to get married. Just a guy who will get her pregnant and stay around to help. Even my ex said that her sister, at this point in life, is all used up and alone and bitter, and she doesn't want that. My ex never supported that lifestyle, but her sister is persistent. She was the one who got us together in the first place, then almost as soon as we were together, she created drama for us both that was stressful on our relationship. It's just bad timing it seems. Maybe your right. What really gets me though, is that she dumped me 2 weeks before she was due to come up here. She never even got see me in person yet aside from our first meeting in August. She should have at least met me in person and tried to see if physical chemistry would have worked or if it was all in her head. I am not mad at her, or even angry. I was, but not anymore. Now I'm just sad and depressed and want her back, or at the very least, to see her in person before she leaves.
Juha Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Here's the thing whatever she said before does not mean that it's true now. At that age people change their mind quickly and a lot. Just because her friends don't have experience does not mean they don't care about her and will voice their opinion. Whether she listens or not, who knows. Her sister obviously is not good but you can't control that and if your ex is going to be swayed by her friends or sister there is nothing you can do about it. that just comes from immaturity and low self esteem. At that age friends hold a lot of sway. Believe me.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Here's the thing whatever she said before does not mean that it's true now. At that age people change their mind quickly and a lot. Just because her friends don't have experience does not mean they don't care about her and will voice their opinion. Whether she listens or not, who knows. Her sister obviously is not good but you can't control that and if your ex is going to be swayed by her friends or sister there is nothing you can do about it. that just comes from immaturity and low self esteem. At that age friends hold a lot of sway. Believe me. Her sister really is no good when it comes to relationships. She is obviously very good at avoiding getting pregnant from all her adventures. Sometimes her sister was fun to hang out with, but her pessimistic attitude is really annoying. As for the friends thing, I don't know. Reason I say that is because I was raised in a military family, so I was homeschooled all the way up to collage, where I was kinda thrown in with no social experience. I didn't even have friends until I was like, 22-23ish. So when I say I don't know, I literally don't know about how much sway friends have.
mantlefan Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Here's the thing whatever she said before does not mean that it's true now. Yeah, this was a hard fact of life for me. 3 weeks after the break, I read my ex's old love letters to me. I was so messed up after doing that because in my mind at the time, either she still means everything, or she was lying when she originally said it. Reality was she meant it back then and then her feelings changed. And to try to understand another human being's feelings, much less a young female, you might as well try to eat soup with a fork.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Just got back from the Museum of the Rockies, and I even managed to get in a show at the planetarium. It was nice and relaxing, but still depressing because I wanted to take her there, instead, I went alone. I got my haircut, which is nice. I grew it out at her request because she wanted to run her hands through it, but since she broke up with me, and I haven't seen her once, I figured, whats the point? So I cut it. Other then that, I am home, and still extremely depressed. Really, the only thing that can fix that is seeing her. Anything else is just a temporary fix that wears off quickly.
Juha Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I'm truly sorry you have to go through this. Next time do not put so much trust and faith into someone else so quickly or easily. Do not give all of yourself to anyone, ever. Save a part of you for you. Do not make anyone your be all end all. They should add to your life not be your life. At that age for women especially friends hold much sway. They can change their friends mind. With mine her friend who never had a bf and just wanted to party and hook up was telling her I was bad for her. Her other friend who only had 1 bf and it was a tumultuous relationship, told her I was bad for her. So her two best friends both were telling her that our relationship was bad for her for months on end. Do you think she was looking at their history of dating or taking what they said to heart? I don't think I have to tell you the answer to that. it's good that you went out and did some things, keep it up. Go out with friends a lot. Focus on yourself. School, gym, activities, new friends or girls. Just get out of the house. Do not have much if anything to do with the ex's sister. If you do, don't talk about the ex or relationship at all. It will take time but you will feel better. I still hurt and miss her like hell, we were great together but there is nothing I can do but leave hr alone and let her live her life. If she wants me in her life hopefully she will let me know and not be afraid or stubborn to talk with me. Unfortunately with her not being very confident and thinking what things may be. Like me being mad or hating her she would not put herself out there.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 My phone just tried calling the ex. It rang for 2 seconds before I stopped it. Really, I didn't even mean to call her, I was trying to edit my contacts list as its to big, it also called my roommate. We both have Iphones, will this show up for her as a missed call? It was an accident, but it could look weird and creepy.
Teejee Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Yeah, it will be shown on the iphone as a missed call.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Yeah, it will be shown on the iphone as a missed call. Aw crap. Yeah, thats going to look creepy, ex calling at 830 at night. If she responds I'll tell her how it is, phone screwed up. Really, my Iphone had to do this now?
legion113 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Aw crap. Yeah, thats going to look creepy, ex calling at 830 at night. If she responds I'll tell her how it is, phone screwed up. Really, my Iphone had to do this now? who cares what she thinks. tell her your ass called her if she asks. whatever you do, don't try to text her preemptively explaining what happened. who gives a crap if she thinks it's creepy. If anything it'll make her really curious.
mantlefan Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I poked my ex on Facebook while trying to block her. She will get over it faster than you will.
Teejee Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 At the beginning of my BU I called her twice by accident. So you could have done worse
Author collegeguy_24 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 I already decided against texting her to tell her what happened. I decided that 4 minutes after the call, when my roommate was laughing at me. If she is curious, she can enquire, and I'll just tell I was messin with my phone and it called her, and my roommate, and another friend. She already knows from when we were together my phone is acting up. I just don't want to look creepy, unless its halloween, then I can be creepy.
legion113 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 "I just don't want to look creepy, unless its halloween, then I can be creepy" Ok that line was creepy...
Author collegeguy_24 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 "I just don't want to look creepy, unless its halloween, then I can be creepy" Ok that line was creepy... You should see my Mad Hatters costume, that is creepy. but in all seriousness i will not be the creepy ex.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 I'm going to probably catch hell for this, but screw it, here it goes. Last night I broke NC and sent her a text, and I don't even remember doing it! WHich is kinda weird. Here is the actual message: I know you asked me not to contact you, but it bothers me to think that you think I hate you. I DO NOT hate you, never have and never will. I needed to say that. I will do as you ask and not contact you, maybe someday we can talk again, but you have to contact me, that way I don't go against your request and come across as a weirdo. Have a safe flight back to Cali and good luck with school. I don't even remember sending that last night, which is weird. But you know what, its done. I don't feel any different, except a little relieved. I didn't want her to think I hate her. I never hated her. Was I angry that she broke up with me so suddenly and with a lousy excuse? Yes, who wouldn't be. But I never hated her, and I want her to know that. I never told her in that message I love her, I kept that out, but I just had this need for her to know I do not hate her. TOday is her last day in Montana. She flies out tomorrow back home. I still have no doubt I will not see her at all. I am not going looking for her, if she wants me she knows exactly where I live and how to contact me. While I still feel sad and depressed that the most perfect woman I have ever met left me, I feel somewhat relieved I told her I don't hate her. Hate is a strong word for me, and I reserve that for only a select few people who have done far worse than her, and I highly doubt she could do so bad as to earn it. Well, I confessed, let the seet storm come my way for breaking the NC rule.
Juha Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 You know what? Who cares what she thinks that you called, purposely or not. **** her! You should not have sent her a text but if it was that important to you to do then it's done. Don't send another thing to her. you need to be gone from her life, totally!!!
mantlefan Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Uh, were you on something when you wrote it? If I send a text that I don't remember, it's usually something like "sdjashdjashd," because I typed it in my pocket with my wallet.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Uh, were you on something when you wrote it? If I send a text that I don't remember, it's usually something like "sdjashdjashd," because I typed it in my pocket with my wallet. Not that I know of. Its not unusual for me to do things I don't remember at night. I just told my roommate and he said after I sent it, I went into the kitchen, and had a shot of tequila before falling back to sleep. I don't remember any of it.
mantlefan Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Ah, OK. I guess it makes sense. If you want to do something that bad, you might do it in your sleep even. You've cleared the air, it seems. Only you can really know if it's worth it, but choosing your conscience over your pride isn't the worst thing to break NC over.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 Ah, OK. I guess it makes sense. If you want to do something that bad, you might do it in your sleep even. You've cleared the air, it seems. Only you can really know if it's worth it, but choosing your conscience over your pride isn't the worst thing to break NC over. Admittedly, I hope that by knowing I don't hate her, it might encourage her to contact me at some point, but I also know the likelihood of that is slim. It feels nice for me to have told her I don't hate her, and its true. I love her to much to hate her, and despite all this, I know that in her heart she is a good person. Maybe she is just unsure about these feelings. Even though she was the one who said I love you first, and asked me to move down there to her, and even brought up marriage at some point, I don't know. Maybe she realized just how deep she was falling and it scared her. I just hope she can push past the fear, and when she sees the losers down where she lives, (She has described them to me as losers many many times.), she may be willing to come back. I am afterall, a catch. I am a gentleman, I am kind, and hard working. I don't abuse and do any of that crap. I hope she realizes that.
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