Leigh 87 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Katzee - I am so sorry you had to go through that. It actually makes me feel sick, knowing how awful and mean spirited people can be. For the record, I don't believe such people experience true happiness or love in as great of a capacity as girls like us do. 1
KatZee Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Katzee - I am so sorry you had to go through that. It actually makes me feel sick, knowing how awful and mean spirited people can be. For the record, I don't believe such people experience true happiness or love in as great of a capacity as girls like us do. Yeah, one of the girls from that group I actually did become friends with, and we're still friends to this day, she also escaped from that group. I met her when I was dating my ex, she was dating one of my ex's best friends. She wasn't an original member of that circle so she wasn't one of the toxic people. We didn't really become close until we both had split from our bf's. She was also abused by her guy, and although she was never tortured the way I was by the other girls, she never actively participated and she is so happy we're both out of that environment. 1
GravityMan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I will only speak about my post to OP. But I blame her BF for not standing up for his woman, and for keeping company with ****ty, unsupportive friends. That's on him. <snip> Exactly. I don't think the OP's boyfriend truly respects their relationship. Either that or he's just weak-willed (which is just as bad). I also suspect that one or both women secretly are interested in him themselves (especially the first woman). A good BF would at the very least have a private conversation with his friends and put his foot down and state that he won't tolerate their catty behavior towards his GF, even behind her back. He doesn't have to yell or get nasty with them; this can be accomplished constructively like a mature adult...his friends, assuming they aren't complete idiots, will get the message. Even with that said...I strongly believe that the company you keep plays an influential factor in what kind of person you are. Like often gravitates towards like when it comes to friendships. Good men and women of integrity tend to be decent people-pickers and therefore tend to have male and female friends who themselves are good people. An occasional bad apple may slip through, but he/she will eventually see that person for who he/she really is and will cut ties with that person.
KatZee Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Exactly. I don't think the OP's boyfriend truly respects their relationship. Either that or he's just weak-willed (which is just as bad). I also suspect that one or both women secretly are interested in him themselves (especially the first woman). A good BF would at the very least have a private conversation with his friends and put his foot down and state that he won't tolerate their catty behavior towards his GF, even behind her back. He doesn't have to yell or get nasty with them; this can be accomplished constructively like a mature adult...his friends, assuming they aren't complete idiots, will get the message. Even with that said...I strongly believe that the company you keep plays an influential factor in what kind of person you are. Like often gravitates towards like when it comes to friendships. Good men and women of integrity tend to be decent people-pickers and therefore tend to have male and female friends who themselves are good people. An occasional bad apple may slip through, but he/she will eventually see that person for who he/she really is and will cut ties with that person. Really let the bolded parts sink in. Everything about that is 110% dead accurate. At the end of our relationship I found out who my ex truly was. He was an emotional abuser. He cheated on me. He lied to me constantly. He disrespected me, he didn't appreciate me, he was highly critical and did not accept me for who I was as a person. He took and took and took and gave nothing back. He contributed absolutely nothing to the relationship at all. I also found out that the one girl who was a mega bitch, the ring-leader and the main source of drama had initially liked my bf. She had a crush on him when she first met him and he was never interested in her. I had quoted the words "best friends" in my initial post about these girls being "best friends" with my ex's girlfriend before me, but this nasty girl ran her mouth about that girl as well. This girl started drama, backstabbed, talked crap about my ex's ex gf as well and then would act phony, and when he dumped her and started dating me, she hated me too. She's a deeply insecure, jealous, and unhappy person, and the only way she was happy is if she was hating on me, putting me down and just making a spectacle of herself. The company you keep absolutely indicates what kind of person you are as well. All my ex's female friends are straight bitches. Nasty. Phony. Fake. That's all my ex turned out to be. The second he dumped me he turned on me and tossed me into the garbage like a dirty tissue. I had done nothing to him but he told me to lose his number, have a nice life, and all this other s.hit. Turns out he had cheated on me again with someone he met at his new job and that's why he turned on me and wanted me out of his life. All of my ex's male friends are cheaters. Every single one of them has cheated on their girlfriend's/wives. My ex turned out to be a cheater as well. Friends are mirror images of who a person really is. 1
chelsea2011 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 First, katzee, holy cripes! So glad you are out that relationship! What hateful awful people! Now for winny's post. Winny's suggestion is great if you are going to continue to see the guy. It's a good way to fight back without creating drama because you are not feeding it. With that said, I personally cannot put up with a man that i am romantically involved with who can't set appropriate boundaries with his friends. I mean seriously, he is an adult for goodness sake. Plus, I'm not good at playing elementary school games at this point in my life. . .Lol. If someone continually tried to sting me like that I would sting back with a vengence eventually and believe me, they wuld never do it again. However, I wouldn't stick around long enough to allow it to go that far. I would address it in the beginning and if there is no change I would be gone. Period end. I think you need to really look at him and what type of guy he is. Find out if he has the capacity to work through this with you and show you that he has your back and respects your relationship. If he cant do that then I would reconsider being in a relationship with him. Who needs that garbage. You know? B][/b]QUOTE=winny;5442046]These women are his friends. He is supposed to know what kind of people they are and take the side of his girlfriend and stop them if they are crossing any lines. The company we keep defines us. Same goes for this man also. If he wasn't able to see what the 2 women were doing to his girlfriend... he is simply stupid. Or if he did understand and still did nothing about it... he is a jerk. OP - Buckle up! No need to be super sweet. You have to be very shrewd with such women (whether they are friends of your bf or people you work with or anyone else). Don't get offended if they say rude things... laugh on their face and jokingly say something in return which will show them that to you they are nothing but some ignorant females who don't know how to behave. And they are unable to affect you in any negative way. If you do this every time you see them, slowly they will learn to keep quiet.
StanMusial Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Women can be catty. I grew up with three sisters and I've seen quite a bit of this mess in my life. In a world where you can choose your friends, I wouldn't and I don't put up with it.
CrystalCastles Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 EXACTLY. One of the girls in my ex's group once went up to him while we were out at a beer garden. I didn't know this happened until months later, but apparently when we were there, she went up to my bf, pulled him aside--- and this was before she ever had ONE conversation with me. This was early on in our relationship, she did not know me, we had never met, we had never hung out, etc.--- anyway, she pulled him off to the side and proceeded to tell him that we were not a good couple and that we weren't a good fit. My ex did NOTHING. He didn't even tell me that this girl did this. I found this out months later by one of the other girls who thought it was hilarious to run her mouth with gossip and make me feel like s.hit. I liked your post b/c of the "exactly" part. I can't believe you stayed that long. How you managed it, I have no idea. I'm just glad you're not in that situation anymore. I wouldn't be able to survive 3 whole years of that kind of hell, that's for sure! Damn good thing those parasites are history for you now.
KatZee Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I liked your post b/c of the "exactly" part. I can't believe you stayed that long. How you managed it, I have no idea. I'm just glad you're not in that situation anymore. I wouldn't be able to survive 3 whole years of that kind of hell, that's for sure! Damn good thing those parasites are history for you now. My ex was a master manipulator. He was literally the "perfect" guy for the first year. I fell in love with him so quickly, we had a "great" relationship, everything was fantastic between us (besides his friends) and even though they meddled I chalked it up to them being jealous, them having "loyalty" to his ex and I kept making excuses for it being OK. His true colors didn't start coming out until we were together for a year and a half+. And by that time I thought I knew who he was, that we could go back to being what we had been, that he was just stressed, upset with how his life was going, again, all excuses. He became progressively more emotionally abusive, disrespectful and uncaring towards me, and it was at the 2 year mark that he confessed to cheating on me when we had been together only 4 months. At that point the entire relationship became a lie to me. We didn't last too much longer after that and that was the most toxic part of the relationship. But he broke me down to nothing. I didn't love myself, or care about myself, he made everything about him, he also would flip situations and make it out that I WAS the crazy one, I WAS the reason we had problems, I WAS the reason we weren't working out. And I continued twisting myself into a pretzel trying to be better, act better, have his friends like me, work on the relationship. Just so freaking dysfunctional. 1
FitChick Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I try to avoid meeting a man's female friends, coworkers or neighbors until we are firmly established as a couple. If they don't like me, they will keep their mouth shut for the sake of their friendship. 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Yeah, one of the girls from that group I actually did become friends with, and we're still friends to this day, she also escaped from that group. I met her when I was dating my ex, she was dating one of my ex's best friends. She wasn't an original member of that circle so she wasn't one of the toxic people. We didn't really become close until we both had split from our bf's. She was also abused by her guy, and although she was never tortured the way I was by the other girls, she never actively participated and she is so happy we're both out of that environment. Hmmmm. Well, my ex's guy friends hit me up. For sex. After we broke up. Real charming lot of friends he had:sick:
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