Author Bigcitydreamer Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Thanks for all of the support guys. I'm glad some people are able to see that A LOT of relationships don't end due to the dumper falling out of love. Waking up today was so hard. Just as hard as if he had been the one to say he didn't want to keep trying. I think the part about communication is pretty important. I cannot count the many times I tried to communicate with him but he would not have it. It got to the point where this last couple of weeks I decided I wasn't going to voice concerns and just roll with it to see what happened and he was still not nice to me like I would want even if I wasn't saying a thing at all. I asked him if he would rather not hear my opinion and he was silent so I took that as ok I won't voice my opinion on stuff and we will see what happens. The resentment I feel is pretty bad. I'm angry at him for not being better to me and respecting me and who I am without trying to change me. I'm angry at being so foolish to keep trying to make this work. It's so sad because I actually thought we would last and he made me so so happy on the good days but there are more bad days than good now so that's why it needed to be ended. Thanks again for all of the great points of view. Day 2 of NC and counting..
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 I guess the major thing that makes this so hard was that it was not an obvious clear cut decision to break up. Really had to look at the pros and cons of staying together. So it's hard to remind yourself that you made the right decision when all you can remember is the good stuff. I guess this is where personal strength has to come into play
rosedl Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 When you have to break up with someone because they are truly treating you rotten, you are forced into the situation just as much as someone who has been dumped. A lot of times, people can't stay for their own self preservation. And, this really sucks when you love the person so much. I bet it is hard. Relationship endings are tough on everyone. I wouldn't take reading here about the miserable way people have been dumped and treated by some of their exs as a reflection that we all think anyone who leaves is awful and unworthy of empathy.
pickflicker Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) Inadequate relationship? What the heck does that mean? I wish my ex would post here and tell her story. I still have the suspicion that there were things she wasn't telling me. When a relationship does not meet whatever needs/desires you have, it is inadequate. That person, also becomes inadequate to you, because they're no longer present in the relationship, and thus, are doing you a disservice. The relationship, for whatever reason, was not giving her what she wanted. Hence, inadequate. It might have nothing to do with you. We've discussed this. Whatever needs that were needing to be met, were not being met. She weighed the choices, and decided that without you suited her better. That's it. There's no great mystery. Edited January 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content 2
Haydn Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) Yep i can relate to this. I should have got out before my ex did. I didnt and thats what irks the most. YES thats why we as dumpee`s feel so awful for a time. All the signs are there yet we held on.....Learning curve. When a relationship does not meet whatever needs/desires you have, it is inadequate. That person, also becomes inadequate to you, because they're no longer present in the relationship, and thus, are doing you a disservice. The relationship, for whatever reason, was not giving her what she wanted. Hence, inadequate. It might have nothing to do with you. We've discussed this. Whatever needs that were needing to be met, were not being met. She weighed the choices, and decided that without you suited her better. That's it. There's no great mystery. Edited January 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited quote 1
Itspointless Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) From what I can tell, the only need she had that wasn't being met was the need to be alone. Not having the possibility to be alone would be a big deal to me as I am used to living alone. As much as people form couples I seriously need alone-time to keep functioning in a healthy manner. I haven't had much relationships just as you (only two), but giving space (next to communicating) is as I have learnt really important. My last relation was a ldr. In the few weekends that I was with her I sometimes asked if she wanted to have alone-time. Not that I did not want to be with her, quite the opposite, as we had not seen each-other a couple of weeks. Seeing and being with each-other can sometimes be overwhelming. In my view both sides have to be considerate about this. To much of you does not work. One time I noticed she was not feeling well. While I wanted to be with her she told me she wanted me to visit something, which I did. Believe me, it wasn't my first choice, but it was the best choice. She did not want me to take care of her that moment: I had to respect that. Let me add that by reading your posts I think I was just as happy to have found my girl as you with finding yours. They want to know and experience that you can be happy alone too, otherwise you probably become a burden instead of someone who brings joy. Edited January 5, 2014 by Itspointless
William Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Hello, moderation received a threadjack report and did a little cleanup and attempted to retain material relevant to the thread starter's issues, even if a bit tangential. Some postings were deleted and quotes edited. Please continue, mindful of relevance to the thread starter and their topic. Thanks!
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