Dez Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 i don't know what i'm doing wrong. i can't seem to let go of her. its been months still i feel sadden, and longing for her. i'm trying to do everything you guys told me, NC, distract myself, go out with friends, yet i feel this big void in my life. i wake up every morning thinking to myself, its going to be another sh*tty day. i even have thoughts of just giving up on life, because there's no point. they say "all you need is love" i guess thats right, but it sucks being dependent on it.
Mondmellonw Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Try to change those negative thoughts about "it's going to be another sh*tty day" and stuff. I know, easier said than done, but really, you have your life on your own hands, she wasn't your life.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 but it sucks being dependent on it. This is co-dependency and will ALWAYS destroy you in the long run. Take this time to work on this, so next time around you will not suffer the same things again!! 1
Author Dez Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Try to change those negative thoughts about "it's going to be another sh*tty day" and stuff. I know, easier said than done, but really, you have your life on your own hands, she wasn't your life. it sure felt like she was my life, we did everything together. we were so in love. now every single place i go, reminds me of the good times we shared. its hard watching sports because we use to go games every week. i'm just afraid i'll never find a girl who compares to her. it would be nice to have a talk with her, catch up on things.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 it would be nice to have a talk with her, catch up on things. No. It wouldn't be nice. It would crush you. Please do not do this... 1
Author Dez Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 No. It wouldn't be nice. It would crush you. Please do not do this... i've been crushed.
flightplan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 i don't know what i'm doing wrong. i can't seem to let go of her. its been months still i feel sadden, and longing for her. i'm trying to do everything you guys told me, NC, distract myself, go out with friends, yet i feel this big void in my life. i wake up every morning thinking to myself, its going to be another sh*tty day. i even have thoughts of just giving up on life, because there's no point. they say "all you need is love" i guess thats right, but it sucks being dependent on it. Years ago, I remember my first love and how she dumped me. Crying her eyes out, says she loves, blah, blah... I was a broken man. It took me over a year to flush her out of my system. I ended up getting married 2 years after the break up and lived a pretty happy life. It's funny, to this very day, a couple of times a year, I find myself googling where she is out of curiosity. I don't have any feelings toward her, could care less about her, but it's funny how her memory still creeps in and wonder how she's doing. My point being, you'll get over her... you will, trust me, but they will always leave a memory that will bring a smile to your face. This will be one of those girls for you. It takes longer for some people... just hang in there. Don't try to talk to her... if she's interested, she'll reach out. Otherwise, go build a nice life. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 i've been crushed. Do you want to be more crushed?? 1
Mondmellonw Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 it sure felt like she was my life, we did everything together. we were so in love. now every single place i go, reminds me of the good times we shared. its hard watching sports because we use to go games every week. i'm just afraid i'll never find a girl who compares to her. it would be nice to have a talk with her, catch up on things. Your life is your own... Distract yourself and write all you want here, but please, do not chase her or anything similar, it will "crush" you even more, and only because that's what you want. You don't need this! 2
deponie12 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I recommend reading the book "How to break your addiction to a person" this is what really helped me, along with seeing a therapist a few times a month. I no longer see my therapist, I have been NC for 62 days and am doing so much better. Hang in in there!
mantlefan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Years ago, I remember my first love and how she dumped me. Crying her eyes out, says she loves, blah, blah... I was a broken man. It took me over a year to flush her out of my system. I ended up getting married 2 years after the break up and lived a pretty happy life. ... My point being, you'll get over her... you will, trust me, but they will always leave a memory that will bring a smile to your face. This will be one of those girls for you. It takes longer for some people... just hang in there. Don't try to talk to her... if she's interested, she'll reach out. Otherwise, go build a nice life. My GF of 5 years dumped me in a pretty similar sounding way. She said loved me, she cried, she kissed me and hugged me every few sentences, and said we just wanted different things (she wanted kids, I wasn't sure). It's hard not to regret because after really thinking about what I want, I realize I do want kids. But she said it was probably too late. She has been all over since the breakup, still cares about me, wants to be friends, maybe we will get back together, it's OK if I send her letters, and gifts, she wants me to stop sending her letters and gifts, she said she wasn't seeing my friend but I find out from him she has been after him, she's not in love with me anymore, she doesn't think we will ever get back together... It's been 5 months. We have a ton of mutual friends (I would say 70% of my friends are friends with her), and they don't know what to make of what she is doing. I can hope and pray that it is a "grass is greener" breakup, and it definitely sounds like one, but that won't do me any good. I even had to tell one of my dearest friends, a girl who is quite close to my ex, that I probably should take space from her as well, because I feel so tempted to try to probe her for info on my ex. But as much as I argue with myself about it, I can't help but seeing the best thing as to leave her alone and get away as soon as I feel it's right to leave (I might work next summer at the place where we met, she might be there too, it means a lot to us both that that place succeed). OP, I guess it doesn't matter what your motivations are. Think about what you want the most. Do you just want her to be happy no matter what? Then leave her alone and just keep trying to move on. If she doesn't care about you, then you have no good reason to stay stuck on her. If she does care about you, then she wants you to find someone else and she will be happy for you. Do you want yourself to be happy? Then leave her alone and just keep trying to move on. Going after her when she doesn't want you is going to make both of you miserable eventually. This is the thing that I am still trying to come to grips with. My head knows it's true, but deep down I still want her. Do you want to just do what's right? Then just leave her alone and keep trying to move on. Well, know in your head that it's not right to waste your life no matter how wasted it feels. I think your heart will eventually follow. Right now, I am really having trouble finding out how to be useful to some sort of greater good. I don't know if you feel the same, OP. I am looking for volunteer opportunities, things like that. Even if you know that the only reason you do it is to feel better about yourself, maybe it will jumpstart you. I sometimes don't believe it myself sometimes, but you can live a meaningful life without a love of your life, and the reality is, eventually you probably won't have to live without such a person. I have a lot of things that my head knows that my heart doesn't yet. But maybe that's the first step to my heart knowing them.
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