Kam2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) Sorry for the long message! So my boyfriend broke up with me4 weeks ago and I am having trouble getting over it, especially as I wasn'texpecting it. We had been dating 4 months but we met at the beginning of 2013 at the gym, bumping into each other every now and then and having a chat.He actually persued me in the street when he saw me on two occassions. Hefinally asked me out for a picnic with his friends this summer. We clickedstraight away and started spending a lot of time together, weekdays and fullweekends. He was so into the relationship and was full on right from thebeignning - he would always be cooking dinner for me, taking me out to thenicest restaurants, theatre, galleries, walks etc. We would also go gymtogether before going out for the day or cooking some lunch together. He wouldtalk about his family abroad noting that they would love me and his brotherkept telling him to marry me! I just kept it a bit cool as it was early days.We also went out with his friends who really liked me and we all had agreat night out. Because of all of this and the amount of time he was investingin the relationship, being affectionate, attentive I thought everything wasgreat, not to mention the intimacy - it was the first time I let my guard downin a very long time. So it came as a shock when he rocked up to mine one dayand told me that he wasn't looking for anything serious and didn't want tostring me along as I am too nice and that he felt bad that he was selfish with'sharing' his time and it was not fair on me to see me only when it suits him.....he didn't want to invest time in a relationship . He then said he doesn't even know if he is doing the right thing as he really likes being withme, we have a great time, connect etc. He spends a lot of time alone and is happy with it this way and his jobmeans he is on the road alone all day and not in an office with others. Imentioned all the stuff he said to me, especially about his family liking me,and he said that they would because I am perfect and 'marriage material' - thegirl he would like to take home. I am 31 and he is 36. We had spent a lovely evening together just 2 days before and even the day we broke up we spent a couple of hours relaxing. I don't know what happenedand it was only 4 months but feel really broken up as I wasn't expecting it toend so soon and suddenly when things were going well - you do not invest thatmuch time and then do a u-turn if you are looking for a casual relationship! Heliterally went from hot to cold... I didn't really no what else to say as I can't force someone to be in a relationship and am glad that he ended it now rather than later. But I texted him a few days later and asked if something had happened in the last couple of weeks as we had both been busy to see each other and he said "no, it has nothing to do with me, he is just being all selfish with his time I really liked him and he ticked all the boxes of someone I can imagine beingwith but it feels like I have been given mixed messages and not a proper answer. I feel I can't ask him again for an answer or to explain himself and don't even know ifthere is a way to get him back. How can you say you like someone and then suddenly end it without warning . Any advice on what you think happened or what I should do will be appreciated as I feel so hurt by it Edited January 3, 2014 by Kam2014 mistake
fixing Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Hey there. Im really sorry your feeling so hurt. I know exactly how you feel. I cant really offer insight into why he wanted to break it off. What i do suggest though, is you start No contact with him. No more texts or calls to him. Disappear completely and start to heal from this. You never know, he might come back round, but for now, you gotta focus on getting yourself over this horrible shock break up. Dont respond to any of his texts or calls unless he is 100% making an effort to reconcile.
Author Kam2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 thank you. I know, I am trying not to be in touch but it is harder than I expected. Aslo, I will probably see him at the gym next week. I hate myself for liking someone in such a short space of time! I don't hate him, he is genuinally a nice guy, but I just feel like I did something wrong or there is something wrong with me if I can't even sustain a relationship that was gonig so well!
deathandtaxes Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I feel for ya OP. I fell head over heels for a lady back in May. We had a great two months. Then she became distant and started pulling back. She said she was feeling too much pressure. We existed in that state for another month. It was hell. Then she broke up with me all of a sudden during lunch, as we were discussing some dinner plans for that evening. Biggest shock to my system. I have been filled with so many woulda shoulda couldas. The thing is, you don't know what happened to him. That's the part that will eat you up inside if you let it. It probably took him a while to figure out that you're not really what he wanted long-term. Or he met somebody else. Or he's just happier being single. So what do to? Mourn for now. Go NC. Stay NC. And that includes if/when you see him at the gym. Don't talk to him. Don't smile. Nothing.
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