flopply hat Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Chatted to a guy from online dating for two months. We were due to meet a few weeks ago before Xmas but I cancelled as I felt he was a bit over the top with how he said how much I meant to him. He persisted and has tried ever so hard to reassure me. I have spoken to all of his family with whom he has been visiting over xmas and new year. He is now traveling home and we have arranged to meet at 6 this evening and go for a meal. He text me this morning to ask if he could have a shower, shave at my place before going out. I tried to get in touch with a couple of friends to perhaps come round but no one has got back to me yet. What should I do. What do I say to him. I am uneasy with this. If we meet and I think he is ok I would invite him back (just a visit here I mean) but think him inviting himself like that is a bit off. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Chatted to a guy from online dating for two months. We were due to meet a few weeks ago before Xmas but I cancelled as I felt he was a bit over the top with how he said how much I meant to him. He persisted and has tried ever so hard to reassure me. I have spoken to all of his family with whom he has been visiting over xmas and new year. He is now traveling home and we have arranged to meet at 6 this evening and go for a meal. He text me this morning to ask if he could have a shower, shave at my place before going out. I tried to get in touch with a couple of friends to perhaps come round but no one has got back to me yet. What should I do. What do I say to him. I am uneasy with this. If we meet and I think he is ok I would invite him back (just a visit here I mean) but think him inviting himself like that is a bit off. Tell him that. If you're not comfortable with it, speak up. I wouldn't be okay with it either. He could be a wonderful guy, but meeting for the first time in my home is a no-go. For me, it's too intimate a setting for the initial meeting. If he doesn't respect that then he isn't the right one. 2
EmilyJane Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 That sounds really weird. He wants to get ready for meeting you for the first time at your place? And he's been overly keen and chatting to you for two months without meeting you? Online creeper alert. To the max. Trust your instincts. 4
Mascara Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Weirdo alert. Bail on him immediately. You've never even met. 2
Author flopply hat Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Well he is travelling back from Scotland 400 miles away. He said I would at least see him at his worst.
Author flopply hat Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 My instincts say he's ok but then there's that mmmmm what if?. It is a bit forward of him and he has not replied to my text back asking him if he is serious.
EmilyJane Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 My instincts say he's ok but then there's that mmmmm what if?. It is a bit forward of him and he has not replied to my text back asking him if he is serious. But your instincts initially were to bail on him because he was being to full on for some guy who'd never met you.
Author flopply hat Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 He did back off when I said he was far to forward. Anyway panic over, he has just called and said ' It seemed a good idea first thing this morning, it was stupid of me and I apologies, I don't want to put you in an awkward situation.' Thanks guys for your input.
PegNosePete Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Chatted to a guy from online dating for two months. This is your mistake, right here. Don't do that. You should exchange a few (maximum 10 preferably 3-5) messages, have a brief phone call (not text), and arrange to meet up within a week. By sending prolonged messages back and forth you build up a potentially false picture of the person whom you have never even met. He obviously thought you had a deep relationship and connection because he wanted to shower and shave at yours, whereas you saw him as someone you've never met! If you meet up sooner then you can make that judgement and not bother wasting time messaging someone who is not right for you. 1
Author flopply hat Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Actually over the time we have been chatting I have come to think that at times he tests to see what my reaction is. This could of been one of those times. He appeared to be very pleased that I said I felt uneasy about him coming to mine to get ready and that I preferred that he didn't.
PegNosePete Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Yes, could be. Or he could be taking his chloroform back to the chemist for a refund right now. You don't know because you don't KNOW him! Meeting sooner rather than later saves all this over-analysis and time-wasting. Just tell him you want to meet for a coffee tomorrow afternoon to see how you get on, if you click then you can arrange a "proper" date for next week.
salparadise Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I agree. Never get invested in someone you've never met. It's all just a fantasy until you know who a person is and how the chemistry is between you. 2
MidwestUSA Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Yes, could be. Or he could be taking his chloroform back to the chemist for a refund right now. Chloroform is so passé.
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 This guy has no boundaries. You shouldn't mean much to him at this point, since you have never met. There was no need for you to talk to his family over the holidays. Very odd. A 1st date with some one from OL happens in a public place. Nobody comes to your house. His request to shower & change at your house is completely out of line. He should have made the date for tomorrow if that was a real issue.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 He text me this morning to ask if he could have a shower, shave at my place before going out. I tried to get in touch with a couple of friends to perhaps come round but no one has got back to me yet. Wait, this stuff works? I need to adopt this into my repertoire for sending clear and direct signals. Oh yeah
Author flopply hat Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 We did meet and he seems ok so arranged to meet this Saturday (yesterday). We did click as we did on the phone but he is pushy. He wants to meet family and friends as if it's a matter of emergency. I think he's desperate but not in a 'desperate' any one will do but in a desperate 'I want to know every thing I can know about you as soon as possible because time is running out and I'm getting old and I want to make the right choice'. (possibly seeing others) He knows I like him which I do but I've taken on board the comments here so am wary. Any tips forward here? How to put him in his place as he seems to want to call all the shots; when we talk on the phone, where and when to meet and he has a persuasive personality that I need to handle.
Survivor12 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Actually over the time we have been chatting I have come to think that at times he tests to see what my reaction is. This could of been one of those times. He appeared to be very pleased that I said I felt uneasy about him coming to mine to get ready and that I preferred that he didn't. This is also a method of "grooming". By doing his research, he can mold his behavior to convince you that he is your Prince Charming. Just because he "backs off" doesn't mean that he agrees with you, only that he's learning more about the man you are looking for. There is no good reason whatsoever for him to be testing you. The suggestion about showering at your house indicates that he has no respect for your intimate space. Also, the fact that you've "met" his entire family even before you have met him is, in my opinion, too much, too soon. Sorry, but I get a strong creeper vibe. I urge you to heed that uneasy feeling you mentioned having that kept you from meeting up with him earlier. Just read your follow-up and you have reinforced what I have already pointed out. Remember this--in the beginning, it's usual to put one's best foot forward, so to speak. Any apparent "flaws" or disturbing traits (however slight) will be amplified once the new wears off. The fact that you feel that he's attempting to control you now is a HUGE red flag. You're only seeing the tip of the iceberg. Put on the brakes & see how he reacts. I have a feeling that you will see more than a glimpse of the seams in the sheep's clothing.
Shashasha Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 How old is this guy and how old are you? Please be ultra careful - his request is way beyond unimaginable. He sounds scary!
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