Chico333 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Ok so I've been dating this guy for the past couple months. Things have been kind of up and down in terms of where we stand. He started off coming on really strong which turned me off then he got stand offish then I wanted something more and that whole roller coaster. Anyway things settled down a bit and we are not official but have still continued dating. A week ago I started to talking to someone else and I could see things potentially going somewhere with this person. I tried to break things off with the first guy but ended up going back to it. Right before I met the other guy the first guy asked me if I was seeing anyone else and I said I wasn't but did not bring up the other guy when I started to talk to him later. Anyway, the first guy is moving this weekend to start medical school rotations. We are both 26. I don't plan to continue this type of thing with him and want to tell him tomorrow. I feel guilty though... this sounds bad but I've been hanging out with him recently mostly because of the physical attraction and intimacy. He asked me if I wanted to hang out tomorrow and I made up an excuse because I'm actually going to be seeing the other guy and realize I should not have done that. I hinted today that I don't really know how things will continue when he leaves and he said ok and that he understood but later said that I should tell him if I want this or not and my response was vague. Does anyone have any advice on how I should go about telling him? I feel bad because he is about to move and wants to hang out but I know I need to be honest about it and just do it.
Onethirtyeight Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Jeeeez... At least be open about it. My opinion is even though you're not official you do have some sort of a relationship going and for the sake of everyone involved you should make up your mind on being with one of these guys. I'd be pissed if a girl did this to me and I'd be even more pissed if she was hiding it.
Author Chico333 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Ya you are right. I'm going to just tell him whats going on straight up. 1
Author Chico333 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Ok so I told him what was going on. I was completely honest and apologized I had not told him. He got upset which is understandable. I feel so bad... ugh. It was through txt message unfortunately and the last thing I said was if you dont want to continue talking because I will continue to date around I completely understand. He said, so be it. Later. And that was the end of it. I won't respond and just let it be. I feel like a total B****. ugh.
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Tell him what? What's the point of hurting his feelings now that he's leaving. He's leaving. There's a natural end to your relationship. Wish him well on his medical rotations & go on with your life. And you told him bad news through text message? Really? That is so wrong. When you need to discuss something serious you do it face to face or at the very least over the phone. Well, at least it's over. 3
Frank2thepoint Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Ok so I told him what was going on. I was completely honest and apologized I had not told him. He got upset which is understandable. I feel so bad... ugh. It was through txt message unfortunately and the last thing I said was if you dont want to continue talking because I will continue to date around I completely understand. He said, so be it. Later. And that was the end of it. I won't respond and just let it be. I feel like a total B****. ugh. Out of curiosity, have you ever considered how would you feel if you were on the receiving end of such a situation? 2
TB Rhine Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 She's a woman, so I'm guessing no. There's nothing terribly, terribly wrong with seeing more than one guy at a time, provided you're not getting physical with more than one of them. At the point you've been seeing each other for a few months, however, I'd say it's well past time to either **** or get off the pot. The whole idea behind "dating around" is to give yourself the chance to get to know multiple people... NOT to allow you to carry on multiple romantic/sexual relationships without committing to anyone. That's not playing the field, it's being a playa. 2
Sand Man Dan Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Ok so I told him what was going on. I was completely honest and apologized I had not told him. He got upset which is understandable. I feel so bad... ugh. It was through txt message unfortunately and the last thing I said was if you dont want to continue talking because I will continue to date around I completely understand. He said, so be it. Later. And that was the end of it. I won't respond and just let it be. I feel like a total B****. ugh. God DAMN I'm glad he kicked you to the curb. Get your identity straight before you date someone else.
Phantom888 Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 If you are intimate (sex) with more than one man, you are exposing both men to std and hurt, which makes you an awful selfish person. However there is nothing wrong with dating multiple people so you can choose who you want to be with. The key is as long as you are not having sex with either one, there is no problem. 4
zoobadger Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 (edited) I don't disapprove as much of others about you dating two guys. You're young, you've only been seeing the first guy for a couple months, and it's probably pretty obvious to him that the relationship is not leading to marriage. But, when he asked you if you were seeing anybody else, you should have told him that you were unwilling to be committed only to him and, yes, you'd be open to dating another man if one came along. Of course, he'll still press you on specifics, but you could, on principle, tell him that you don't want to share that with him.... If he can't handle that, then he can break up with you. Also, he's probably dating around, too.... He obviously should be if he isn't, lol... Edited January 6, 2014 by zoobadger
Tayla Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 The guys response "so be it , later", warmed my heart. How gracious a man he was. Enjoy dating life and stick to using the phone and voice when breaking things off...Its the adult thing to do. 2
SmartDude Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Meh, women always do this. Guys do it to though. A sword straight through the heart is always better than Chinese water torture.
lino Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Good, honest men who are struggling with females should read this thread over and over again and realise that this sort of attitude which is so common amongst women now, is why dating is the big sh*t fight it has become. Congratulations in ruining what was probably another good guy. 4
Cakess Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Don't feel more bad about yourself than you already do. You knew it was the wrong thing to do, so if you could... apologize in person, and move on. Next time, don't use texting to break bad news, and stay away from multiple relationships! It's no good for anybody. You made a mistake. Learn from it and move on!
Author Chico333 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 (edited) Yeah... well we that wasn't exactly the end of it. We talked and saw each other again afterwards. We are on good terms and just keeping it open to whatever. And no I was not sleeping with both guys. Only one. I told him I am going to continue to date and told him he should as well. I made myself clear about it, so there's nothing I'm hiding. There's nothing official about it. I made the mistake, but it's resolved and won't be doing it again. Edited January 8, 2014 by Chico333
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I don't see how OP did anything wrong. The first guy was non-committal, wishy-washy..so he got what was coming to him. OP doesn't owe him anything. It wasn't like she was cheating. 5
ae86drift Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Woman always dated more than one guys at the time, probably 10 guys lol
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 What's with all these generalizations? Men AND women do this all this time. Has happened to me loads of times (although I wasn't sleeping with most of the men) where you might not have a title yet, but they meet someone else or a new person comes into the pic, they kick you to the curb and it's finito. It's very inconsiderate and immature to do it via (part of why I usually don't set the precedent for incessant texting) but AT LEAST SHE SAID SOMETHING. In my experience NONE of the men have had the decency to do this. They sleep with you and disappear or they are seeing you, then withdraw and pull a Houdini. I don't think multi-dating is wise and once you start sleeping with people it's unfair! OP, please don't do this again. As others have said, these are the things that ruin genuinely good people. I am glad I am not jaded to the point of thinking all men are the same or have negative/low expectations from every man. 1
TB Rhine Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I'll bet the OP finally dropped this guy once he got wise and stopped paying her rent.
HappyLove Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Good, honest men who are struggling with females should read this thread over and over again and realise that this sort of attitude which is so common amongst women now, is why dating is the big sh*t fight it has become. Congratulations in ruining what was probably another good guy. Oh please! Cry me a river. Yea men should read this over and over because guess what, this doesn't happen half as often to men as it does to women. This wasn't even her boyfriend. Let's talk about the men who lead their girlfriends on for months and years and cheat on them and drop off the face if the Earth. This happens at least once or several times to almost EVERY woman who has ever dated! 2
kaylan Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 For my own health I stay away from gals who double dip. Screams low quality to me. 1
pickflicker Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 For my own health I stay away from gals who double dip. Screams low quality to me. In the early stages of dating, it is essential to not put all your eggs in one basket. All is does is create anxiety. Smart people, men and women, date a few people in the early stages. 3
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Yeah... well we that wasn't exactly the end of it. We talked and saw each other again afterwards. We are on good terms and just keeping it open to whatever. And no I was not sleeping with both guys. Only one. I told him I am going to continue to date and told him he should as well. I made myself clear about it, so there's nothing I'm hiding. There's nothing official about it. I made the mistake, but it's resolved and won't be doing it again. You did nothing wrong! Way to be honest. If more people were like you dating would be better. 1
OhThatGirl Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Agree. If he was weirded out by the commitment discussion OP had every right to continue dating someone else. That's what not having commitment is all about. He couldn't commit, she kept her options open. She was only sleeping with one guy. Where's the problem?
hasaquestion Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 In the early stages of dating, it is essential to not put all your eggs in one basket. All is does is create anxiety. Smart people, men and women, date a few people in the early stages. Not to mention it reeks of desperation to be acting exclusive with someone you barely know.
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