SameOldFear Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Hi guys. I've been feeling a lot better lately. But I just reached a month with NC on the first. And with the New Year it's especially hard. We talked about spending the holidays together and everything. He left me for someone and now he spent all of the holidays with her. I was going through some really old stuff recently and we've been friends since we were five or six. He was actually my first crush and is in a lot of pictures. It's almost funny. I like him and he thought I was gross when we were eight, and here we are again. Ten years later, in the almost exact same situation. It's just so weird looking at those two innocent little kids and thinking this is where we are now. I used to think we'd grow old together and do side by side pics of us as children and as 93 year olds. I know better days and better people are coming my way if I just keep swimming, but right now the urge to break NC is strong and I would really appreciate some support. 1
k10k Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Sometimes the future we imagine is just not on the cards for us. We get through these things though, and like you say, other people will come into your life.. and new and happy experiences are most definitely waiting for you! The urge to break NC, to get through it, I always imagine how it will go down... What are you going to say to him? How will you feel whilst waiting for his response? How will you feel if you contact him and get no response? How will you feel when you get some answer that you're not hoping for? How will you feel if he replies and just goes on about what a great holiday he has been having? How will this change the bottom line?, i.e you are no longer together. In the end, you'll just kick yourself and will have to start the process all over again. Rather try to focus on doing something else until the urge passes, or if your mind is just too fixated at the moment, write him a letter, get what you want to say out of your system, then tear it up or burn it... Well done for being strong and sticking to NC.. you are doing great!
ayudorama Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) Sigh. Just sigh. I can relate. My ex and I knew each other since we were 11. Hated each other, he teased me alot (that's how boys of that age are), we go on to the same high school together, his mother is our high school teacher, we go to the same class for two years and later split into different classes in our senior year. His mother taught my three brothers. My mother knows his mother as their teacher. We never saw each other after high school, both went to different colleges, and then when we were 26, we reconnected out of the blue, fell madly in love, planned a wedding for Dec 14, 2013, but he left me when I was neck deep in my honors year thesis. On his own terms. Without listening to what I had to say. He lives in my neighbourhood. Three minutes away. When we were together we used to reminisce about our elementary and high school years and poured through old yearbook pictures of us as kids, saying how funny fate is to have brought us together only 15 years after we met. How he quietly liked me despite always teasing me and how I confessed to having a crush on him (my first crush, and love; sad to say, now my first heartbreak). See the uncanniness? You're not alone in this, I know how that feels like. To have so much history together. He thought it was destiny. We are meant to be. And then.. He left. Painful. Extremely painful. You know some things will always hurt. Just that the pain dulls considerably over time. I saw him some months ago, my heart sank and I kinda choked back tears. He avoided me. I let him. I just walked in the opposite direction, pretending I hadn't seen him at all. Yeah, this will always hurt. That's how I knew. By the way, I never got to say a proper goodbye to him. He broke up with me through a text message. Said before a few months ago that he can never see me if he couldn't have me. Guess he was saying the truth for that one. Life's tough, but we gotta keep walking anyway Edited January 3, 2014 by ayudorama
True Gent Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I can relate to this... Although me and my ex weren't childhood sweethearts we've pretty much spent our entire adult lives together. I was her first love and the only man she'd ever slept with. We have been through many life struggles more than most people encounter in a whole lifetime. We were best friends, true companions. Then after 9 years she finds a 'spark' with a new guy and I'm history. Some people are void of true emotional attachment I think. I didn't see this flaw in her until now. You've got to stay focused on you and realise you're better off now. The future will be a better place once we get there. Head up and do everything for you.
Author SameOldFear Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Thank you for the replies. That's another thing; he's literally been my first everything in life. Crush, love, date, kiss, boyfriend, heartbreak. I know they always say the first cut is the deepest and I really hope that's true, because I never want to live through these feelings again.
Recommended Posts