sportzhl24 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 This may sound stupid but I am not sure whether I was dumped, or whether I am the dumper. My gf and I weren't getting along that well, and one night after a date she asked how I would feel about an open relationship. I told her I didn't want that, how I didn't want anything to change. After we got back we sat on my bed and she told me she wasn't happy, that we weren't having fun, that I was smothering her. She kept telling me she wasn't leaving but it felt a lot like a breakup (both really emotional, she was telling me that she's not a very good person, said goodbye to each other, etc). So the next day she texts me asking me how I am doing. I didn't respond for a while but when I did, I just flat out told her that it was over and that I was going to return to school, etc. i took it back later that day, tried to say how upset I was and that I didn't want a breakup, and she just told me that she" was in no position to be my gf, I can't be your girlfriend, I feel like I have to be happy for the both of us." A week later I freaked out and texted her telling her how much pain I was in and how much I missed and loved her. The last thing I heard from her was, "i didn't know what to say so I fell asleep last night" Sorry if that was long. I'm just asking what to do if I'm the dumper. This was 5 months ago. Do I show her some interest so that she knows I still love her? I made it clear how much I cared about her, I feel like i can't live without her. What do I do?
pickflicker Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 She dumped you. Asking about an open relationship was her way of 'breaking up' with you. When you refused, she broke up with you. This is evidenced by "I am no position to be your girlfriend." She dumped you. As the dumpee, you do nothing, you do not call/text/smoke signal/send carrier pigeon. You do nothing. She wanted out of the relationship and was using an open relationship as a bridge to do that. In all likelihood, she had someone lined up in the wings that she wished to use to explore said 'open relationship', and would have just run off with him anyway. Yes, you can live without her. If you want a monogamous, honest, considerate relationship, this is not the girl for you . Maintain 100% uncompromising, radio silence.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 The answer is what it was the other five times you've asked this -- you were dumped. I know you want to be the dumper so you can legitimize contacting her in your mind, but you are the dumpee. Sorry man. 3
pickflicker Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 She dumped you. Asking about an open relationship was her way of 'breaking up' with you. When you refused, she broke up with you. This is evidenced by "I am no position to be your girlfriend." She dumped you. As the dumpee, you do nothing, you do not call/text/smoke signal/send carrier pigeon. You do nothing. She wanted out of the relationship and was using an open relationship as a bridge to do that. In all likelihood, she had someone lined up in the wings that she wished to use to explore said 'open relationship', and would have just run off with him anyway. Yes, you can live without her. If you want a monogamous, honest, considerate relationship, this is not the girl for you . Maintain 100% uncompromising, radio silence. You asked how this would be handled as the dumper. If bf came to me and said "Hey pickflicker, I'm wanting to explore other girls whilst still maintaining a relationship with you", I would say "If your wish to explore other girls, that's fine, but this vagina is now closed to you. Permanently." Then I would go NC, and not call/text/smoke signal, send carrier pigeon... So no matter who you are, your action in the aftermath is the same. 2
SushiX Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Sorry bro, but she's got another dude's donger inside her. Time to drop the biatch and move on. 1
Author sportzhl24 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 This s**t is driving me insane.
pickflicker Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 This s**t is driving me insane. Only because you're overthinking it. She tried to have an open relationship and when you didn't play ball, dumped you. If you contact her, she probably won't even ask your permission, she'll just cheat whenever she feels like it. And you'll be the guy who sacrificed his dignity because he was so convinced he couldn't live without her, that he'll put up with her screwing other men. Way, way too much time and mental energy being spent on this... 2
deathandtaxes Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 What have you done in the intervening five months? Have you tried getting over her? Have you dated? Have you enjoyed being single?
Author sportzhl24 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Only because you're overthinking it. She tried to have an open relationship and when you didn't play ball, dumped you. If you contact her, she probably won't even ask your permission, she'll just cheat whenever she feels like it. And you'll be the guy who sacrificed his dignity because he was so convinced he couldn't live without her, that he'll put up with her screwing other men. Way, way too much time and mental energy being spent on this... I know. But I don't know how to stop. I am so exhausted from thinking about her all day every day for 5 months now. I have tried everything. Exercise. Sex. New friends. Everything. I'm scared of myself, you know? Have you been through anything like this?
pickflicker Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I know. But I don't know how to stop. I am so exhausted from thinking about her all day every day for 5 months now. I have tried everything. Exercise. Sex. New friends. Everything. I'm scared of myself, you know? Have you been through anything like this? Yeah, but I just...let it go. That's all I can tell you. One day I woke up, stopped worrying about it, and got on with life.
HorseLuck Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I know. But I don't know how to stop. I am so exhausted from thinking about her all day every day for 5 months now. I have tried everything. Exercise. Sex. New friends. Everything. I'm scared of myself, you know? Have you been through anything like this? Are you working, have you considered therapy?
Author sportzhl24 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Yeah, but I just...let it go. That's all I can tell you. One day I woke up, stopped worrying about it, and got on with life. Thanks for your help pickflicker
pickflicker Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Thanks for your help pickflicker I don't know what to tell you. You have to at least have enough respect for yourself to not contact her. What she asked from you was inappropriate and unacceptable, I'd you were having a monogamous relationship. The rest of it, you need to try and let go. She's not the one for you.
Author sportzhl24 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Are you working, have you considered therapy? I go to university at the moment. I try to stay busy. And yes I've seen a few therapists. Essentially they have concluded that I have some emotional problems. Which is evident. Therapy is helpful, sometimes
Author sportzhl24 Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 I don't know what to tell you. You have to at least have enough respect for yourself to not contact her. What she asked from you was inappropriate and unacceptable, I'd you were having a monogamous relationship. The rest of it, you need to try and let go. She's not the one for you. I wasn't being sarcastic btw. I appreciate your and everybody's advice. I often wish I could sleep until I do not have these feelings anymore. I'm comforted by the fact that we will one day be free from this earth. And none of this relationship bs will ever matter. As morbid as that sounds
pickflicker Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I wasn't being sarcastic btw. I appreciate your and everybody's advice. I often wish I could sleep until I do not have these feelings anymore. I'm comforted by the fact that we will one day be free from this earth. And none of this relationship bs will ever matter. As morbid as that sounds I think you should try some more therapy. If the post break up blues aren't going away, you might need to chat to someone again.
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