Text reply time.

[carhill]

I know I've arrived into the 21st century when having an intimate dinner at a friend's home finds all of the table participants, save for myself since I don't have a smartphone (on purpose, besides the thing being shut off while eating) pushing back and, instead of having spirited conversation and debate with their table mates, pulling out their phones and checking their texts and e-mails. When that happens, I just go outside and look at the stars and wonder what happened to us. These aren't 'kids', rather grandparents and great-grandparents. It doesn't happen all the time but enough that I go 'WTF?'

 

However, relevant to text reply time, I could see, if someone is eating a BBQ-sauce slathered rack of baby back ribs, that there might be a small delay in cleaning themselves sufficiently to handle their phone to reply. Yep, seen it happen. That could account for the delay, if only minutes. Fascinating. They had to refocus their 'interest' from the ribs to their romantic partner waiting impatiently on the other end of a cellular network clutching a small handheld device. Quite the visual

[kaylan]

I'll say this...

 

 

People who are more into hookups and casual dating tend to do lots of texting...

 

 

It's my experience that those who are relationship oriented and seriously looking for one don't do a lot of texting early on...

 

 

So, my advice is... for anyone who is looking for a relationship at any stage of life is skip the texting. If all one is into is something casual or short term... or their progression tends to me more along the lines of... text, meet, have sex somewhere between 1-4 dates, then maybe relationship...

 

 

Then yea, texting works fine for those folks.

Yeah, because there was no casual sex at all in the 80s or 90s.

 

What a terrible post.

[Lady2163]

If I am busy doing other things, I don't feel the need to drop everything right at that moment to text someone back -- no matter who it is.

 

Sure, if I'm sitting on my couch doing nothing and I get a text I will typically respond right away. However, usually that isn't the case. Usually I am doing something else. I don't get why a person on the other end of the phone should take priority over people I may actually be with in real life at that moment. I don't care if it takes two seconds to text back "I'm busy." I shouldn't have to do that. It's rude to the people I'm with. The lack of an immediate response should tell you that I'm busy.

 

Reasons why I do not immediately respond to a text:

 

-- I am in a meeting, at court, at a deposition, working, etc.

-- I turned my phone on silent and forgot, so I did not hear that I have a text, and I rarely check my phone for new text messages.

-- I was in another part of the house and didn't hear the ding that I have a text, and I rarely check my phone for new text messages.

-- I was working out.

-- I was at the movies.

-- I was reading a book.

-- I was watching a television show.

-- I was out with other people.

-- I was eating breakfast, brunch, lunch, or dinner with other people.

-- I am on the train.

-- I am driving.

-- I am out shopping.

-- I am somewhere and do no have my phone with me.

 

Etc...

 

I think texting is nice for some forms of communications -- "On my way," "Running a few minutes late," "See you at 6?", "Have a great day!" etc... but I honestly do not understand why anyone would want to use it for full on, drawn out conversations when it is so much easier just to call. I really can't stand it how nowadays wherever you go -- restaurants, train, sidewalk, wherever -- people have their nose buried in their smartphone and are pecking away at the keys. Ugh.

 

You see, back in the old days of just one phone attached to the wall with or without answering machine, you did answer the phone if you were watching tv or reading a book.

 

As a kid, it was my job to answer the phone if it rang during supper. "I'm sorry, dad's eating supper, could he call you back?" And then, 30 minutes later, dad would call back. The job fell to me because my parents didn't want to get up from the table and if it was one of my brothers girlfriends, they wouldn't get off the phone, which caused problems.

 

I know a family that "unplugs" every year for Lent. No TV, computer, videogames or cell phones after the work day. They still have a home phone and answering machine. There were some bumps the first couple of years, but it was mainly teenagers using their study hall time badly and insisting they needed the computer for schoolwork.

[organizedchaos]

I'll say this...

 

 

People who are more into hookups and casual dating tend to do lots of texting...

 

 

It's my experience that those who are relationship oriented and seriously looking for one don't do a lot of texting early on...

 

 

So, my advice is... for anyone who is looking for a relationship at any stage of life is skip the texting. If all one is into is something casual or short term... or their progression tends to me more along the lines of... text, meet, have sex somewhere between 1-4 dates, then maybe relationship...

 

 

Then yea, texting works fine for those folks.

 

You must have some pretty bad luck then. Texting is a primary means of communication for me. In my last relationship of nearly 3 years it was still the case. I wouldn't call that just a hookup, casual, or short term.

[organizedchaos]

Okay riddle me this Batman.....

 

Say replying to a text in less than 10 minutes indicates low interest.

That goes both ways, you obviously have to reply to hers within 10 minutes and she replies to yours within 10 minutes.

In the average evening where you get home at 6pm and go to bed at 11pm, that means there would be 30 texts going back and forth every night?

 

I guess what I'm asking is... where does it stop? At what point does it become OK to not reply to a text without "showing lack of interest"? At bed time you can say goodnight of course, but that means you would be texting all night, otherwise you are showing low interest?? Maybe you just want the night off, or don't have much to say that night, but still have high interest! Or if you're texting 3 different people, it becomes even worse, you'd be sending 90 texts every night, or 2700 a month - can your plan support that? Even unlimited plans have fair use clauses.

 

At some point a conversation ends.

 

"Hey, we still good for tonight?"

 

10 minutes later

 

"Yeah, 8pm, right?"

 

10 minutes later

 

"Yeah, I'll see you at 8!"

 

Now, imagine that conversation if it took hours to reply. You'd be pretty peeved and thought the person was not interested or really in to going out with you.

 

Point is, you don't have to carry on a conversation, but if you're looking for responses and it's taking the other person hours to get back to you, then it's low interest. If someone WANTS to see you or talk to you, it takes little to no effort to respond in a timely manner these days.

[Frank2thepoint]

It goes like this. I'm playing diablo or battlefield or whatever. Ill get a text.l from her. I'll read it, which makes the notification light go off , but halfway through me typing the text I'll be getting shot at or attacked so I have to put the phone down to stay alive in the game.

 

Haha I'm the opposite. When I'm texting a girl I like (which is always at the worst time, by the way) and I'm busy doing something, or playing video games like you said -- I'll let myself get killed. At that point I obviously find the score of the game trivial and whatnot and would rather give her my full attention.

 

Video games, then girls. Or girls, then video game. Both of you have your priorities wrong. You have to learn to combine both grasshopper.

[RedRobin]

Yeah, because there was no casual sex at all in the 80s or 90s.

 

What a terrible post.

 

 

LOL... Says Mr. 'Getting Yours'... and liked by Mr. 'Mums the Word' about his relationship intentions (or lack of).

 

 

I'd say anyone wanting to avoid FWB/FB/casual sex and it's proponents in whatever camouflage that happen to shield themselves in order to 'get theirs' would be wise to observe their preferred communication styles.

 

 

It takes more time and interest to call. Therefore, if they aren't calling, they aren't interested and getting to know me isn't important. *shrug*

 

 

That's the message that a texter sends me... and I'm happy to spend my time doing other things besides responding. I don't need to chase after a lazy communicator/dater by texting back.

[RedRobin]

How do communication methods dictate the kind of relationship someone wants?

 

 

Someone's communication style indicates their level of commitment and the importance they attach to that communication. If a guy insists on texting me, I assume I'm not important. It doesn't bother me. I just take note.

 

 

Some of the most successful and highly accomplished people I know are also very brief in their emails.

 

 

I was taught by a highly respected international global firm that the proper hierarchy of communication is face to face first... then phone... then email... then text... and the importance of the communication is attached to that hierarchy.

[MrCastle]

LOL... Says Mr. 'Getting Yours'... and liked by Mr. 'Mums the Word' about his relationship intentions (or lack of).

 

 

I'd say anyone wanting to avoid FWB/FB/casual sex and it's proponents in whatever camouflage that happen to shield themselves in order to 'get theirs' would be wise to observe their preferred communication styles.

 

 

It takes more time and interest to call. Therefore, if they aren't calling, they aren't interested and getting to know me isn't important. *shrug*

 

 

That's the message that a texter sends me... and I'm happy to spend my time doing other things besides responding. I don't need to chase after a lazy communicator/dater by texting back.

 

Did you see ES' post about how the player guy was the one who was calling and the good guy was texting?

 

I don't think communication dictates what kind of relationship the person wants. I think the person does that. If a person wants casual, they're gonna want casual no matter how they communicate. Same for people looking for serious relationships.

 

Again, this is a generational thing.

 

Girls and guys my age who are looking for something serious do not change their communication style. They text their partners just as they would anyone else, because that's what they grew up doing. We live in an electronic world. That's how they were brought up. Emails and texts.

 

As far as the heirarchy stuff, business is different. Obviously a phone call is more formal. You're not gonna have a conference text, with the ceo texting "Guys we need 2 turn a bigger profit this quarter. Last quarter was :("

 

But if we're talking friendship/dating/etc -- informal relationships -- texting is fine. Well, it is for most people nowadays.

[RedRobin]

Did you see ES' post about how the player guy was the one who was calling and the good guy was texting?

 

I don't think communication dictates what kind of relationship the person wants. I think the person does that. If a person wants casual, they're gonna want casual no matter how they communicate. Same for people looking for serious relationships.

 

Again, this is a generational thing.

 

Girls and guys my age who are looking for something serious do not change their communication style. They text their partners just as they would anyone else, because that's what they grew up doing. We live in an electronic world. That's how they were brought up. Emails and texts.

 

As far as the heirarchy stuff, business is different. Obviously a phone call is more formal. You're not gonna have a conference text, with the ceo texting "Guys we need 2 turn a bigger profit this quarter. Last quarter was :("

 

But if we're talking friendship/dating/etc -- informal relationships -- texting is fine. Well, it is for most people nowadays.

 

 

I believe I have had much better success at sorting out 'players' and those looking for something less serious (even if they don't say so) than lots of people here.

 

 

Business is not different than any other kind of relationship. The method one communicates says a lot about one's ability to communicate and what they consider important.

 

 

If real communication isn't important to you, then keep on making texting a priority. It's no skin off my nose.

 

 

It has nothing to do with generation, as much as you like to keep saying it is. If you want me to assume your generation is lazy... then ok. I don't believe that is true, but lots of people in positions to help those in your generation do believe that and complain about it a lot.

 

 

As for me... I believe some people in your generation are lazy, and their laziness and distractibility are easily sorted out. All other things being equal, I wouldn't hire a habitual texter and I wouldn't have a relationship with one either...

[Kizmet Fisher]

I believe I have had much better success at sorting out 'players' and those looking for something less serious (even if they don't say so) than lots of people here.

 

 

Business is not different than any other kind of relationship. The method one communicates says a lot about one's ability to communicate and what they consider important.

 

 

If real communication isn't important to you, then keep on making texting a priority. It's no skin off my nose.

 

 

It has nothing to do with generation, as much as you like to keep saying it is. If you want me to assume your generation is lazy... then ok. I don't believe that is true, but lots of people in positions to help those in your generation do believe that and complain about it a lot.

 

 

As for me... I believe some people in your generation are lazy, and their laziness and distractibility are easily sorted out. All other things being equal, I wouldn't hire a habitual texter and I wouldn't have a relationship with one either...

 

You sound single.

[RedRobin]

You sound single.

 

 

My married friends/family don't make a habit of texting either. Many don't text at all.

 

 

I seek to emulate people who are successful in their professional and personal lives... They aren't habitual texters. They are focused, disciplined and well-balanced.

 

 

Sorry, that's just how it is.

[Mrlonelyone]

Last nite I texted a friend who I've known since 2008. We have just been friends with a little sexual tension which we both dismissed this whole time. I would talk to her about my issues in dating, she would talk to me about her issues in dating. You know.

 

 

I haven't seen them since graduation and wanted to meet up to catch up say next week or something.

 

 

She gets back to me a couple hours latter to say no not interested.

 

 

I say sure whenever you like.

 

 

I check my phone this morning, as I turn it off to charge the battery. A couple hours latter she texted me asking if I could come over tonight.

 

 

It's now the next morning so the opportunity has passed. Opportunity to have coffee at about 10 PM... I can't help but think of George Costanza when I think of that.

 

 

 

 

Who knows?

 

 

 

 

I know I've arrived into the 21st century when having an intimate dinner at a friend's home finds all of the table participants, save for myself since I don't have a smartphone (on purpose, besides the thing being shut off while eating) pushing back and, instead of having spirited conversation and debate with their table mates, pulling out their phones and checking their texts and e-mails. When that happens, I just go outside and look at the stars and wonder what happened to us. These aren't 'kids', rather grandparents and great-grandparents. It doesn't happen all the time but enough that I go 'WTF?'

 

 

It's only going to get worst from here.

 

 

However, relevant to text reply time, I could see, if someone is eating a BBQ-sauce slathered rack of baby back ribs, that there might be a small delay in cleaning themselves sufficiently to handle their phone to reply. Yep, seen it happen. That could account for the delay, if only minutes. Fascinating. They had to refocus their 'interest' from the ribs to their romantic partner waiting impatiently on the other end of a cellular network clutching a small handheld device. Quite the visual

 

 

 

For some reason I could hear Rush Limbaugh's voice when I read this part. LOL.

 

 

 

 

Someone could not reply because their battery is low.

[kaylan]

You sound single.

This

[RedRobin]

This

 

 

You are single too... and having no luck meeting women you consider worthy of having a relationship with.

 

 

Take a look around your own thread Kaylan. The men and women, interested in, capable of, and have a history of significant LTR relationships aren't glued to their phone texting. That is what I consider 'success'.

 

 

If you prefer being around people who have short attention spans, glued to their phones texting their next option... have a history of hookups/FWB/FB and casual sex... and you consider THAT 'success'... then emulate THEM.

 

 

Your choice.

Edited January 4, 2014 by RedRobin

[kaylan]

^My point was this;

 

For someone who acts like they have such a better vetting system than the rest of us, you are still single and dont want to be single. I, on the other hand, dont mind being single and am not looking to settle down at the moment.

 

And actually, my best friend, who has only slept with a handful of women, who is a man that has had a 6 year, 2 year, and currently in an almost 2 year relationship with his fiance, ALWAYS has used text as a primary form of communication with these women. And hes my age. Consider this, you are older than I am, and surround yourself with like-minded people, so of course the people you know in relationships dont text. Im 27 and my generation grew up with text technology, so thats our major form of communication, whether we want relationships or not.

 

Texting vs calling has NOTHING to do with whether someone wants to find a relationship or a FWB.

Edited January 4, 2014 by kaylan

[married2school]

I'm gonna go with kaylan and some of the others on here…

 

I don't think texting or calling a person displays what you want out of the relationship. Yeah, if someone is more disciplined about their texting in order to pursue something else, it might mean they are more successful. Emphasis on "might." I said earlier that I have to really discipline my texting so I'm able to study (and Facebook, and Snapchat, etc. etc.) That doesn't mean I don't have classmates that aren't on their phones all the time. There's a good deal of people who care about texting and social media, and there's those that don't. I know people who stay up nearly all night studying because they take too many Facebook breaks. That doesn't correlate to them making lower grades than I do though.

 

I have the habits I do because I know it is what is best for ME personally. Not because I think they will work for everyone.

[Mrlonelyone]

^My point was this;

 

For someone who acts like they have such a better vetting system than the rest of us, you are still single and dont want to be single. I, on the other hand, dont mind being single and am not looking to settle down at the moment.

 

And actually, my best friend, who has only slept with a handful of women, who is a man that has had a 6 year, 2 year, and currently in an almost 2 year relationship with his fiance, ALWAYS has used text as a primary form of communication with these women. And hes my age. Consider this, you are older than I am, and surround yourself with like-minded people, so of course the people you know in relationships dont text. Im 27 and my generation grew up with text technology, so thats our major form of communication, whether we want relationships or not.

 

Texting vs calling has NOTHING to do with whether someone wants to find a relationship or a FWB.

 

 

I'll go you one better than that.

 

 

Old fashioned Text as in SMS or MMS isn't even enough anymore. Now you have a smart phone with Skype, FB messenger, Whatsapp, snap chat, twitter, OKC's app can allow texting.... there are probably a dozen more.

 

 

Heck, some younger people do not even know how to send email because they consider email too old fashioned.

 

 

That said...I am reminded of a George Carlin bit on email VS a telephone call.

[StanMusial]

Haha I'm the opposite. When I'm texting a girl I like (which is always at the worst time, by the way) and I'm busy doing something, or playing video games like you said -- I'll let myself get killed. At that point I obviously find the score of the game trivial and whatnot and would rather give her my full attention.

 

Trivial...!? TRIVIAL!?

 

a good KDR is one of the most attractive qualities a man could have.

 

Hahaha my kdr is like a 1.9

 

I'm playing diablo or battlefield or whatever. Ill get a text.l from her. I'll read it, which makes the notification light go off , but halfway through me typing the text I'll be getting shot at or attacked so I have to put the phone down to stay alive in the game.

 

Christ, at least have a good reason not to respond right away.

 

My pet peeve is when my buddy(s) take a phone call or text on the freaking 17th or 18th hole whilst playing golf. Seriously dude, you couldn't wait 20 or 30 minutes to call your old lady and find out what she wants you to pick up from Arby's on the way home?

 

I see people texting away in meetings at work all the time and I had to tell one girl not to do it anymore, and to pay attention. She is seriously behind where she should be with her skills.

 

Last week I was staying in a hunting lodge, both of my brothers and my brother-in-law were on and off the phone with their old lady (talking and texting) at some point, in the middle of a card game and it's annoying.

 

Kind of ranting here, so back on topic, I guess if I was still playing the field or whatever I might be concerned about texting. Ah f--k it I wouldn't, I'd call and say my piece LOL. Some people just ain't got time for all at.

[organizedchaos]

You are single too... and having no luck meeting women you consider worthy of having a relationship with.

 

 

Take a look around your own thread Kaylan. The men and women, interested in, capable of, and have a history of significant LTR relationships aren't glued to their phone texting. That is what I consider 'success'.

 

 

If you prefer being around people who have short attention spans, glued to their phones texting their next option... have a history of hookups/FWB/FB and casual sex... and you consider THAT 'success'... then emulate THEM.

 

Your choice.

 

Again, your assumptions are just wrong.

[RedRobin]

^My point was this;

 

For someone who acts like they have such a better vetting system than the rest of us, you are still single and dont want to be single. I, on the other hand, dont mind being single and am not looking to settle down at the moment.

 

And actually, my best friend, who has only slept with a handful of women, who is a man that has had a 6 year, 2 year, and currently in an almost 2 year relationship with his fiance, ALWAYS has used text as a primary form of communication with these women. And hes my age. Consider this, you are older than I am, and surround yourself with like-minded people, so of course the people you know in relationships dont text. Im 27 and my generation grew up with text technology, so thats our major form of communication, whether we want relationships or not.

 

Texting vs calling has NOTHING to do with whether someone wants to find a relationship or a FWB.

 

 

Yes, you have one example amongst all your friends... basically he's an outlier.

 

 

NONE of my friends use texting as a primary form of communication.

 

 

So, yes, you fit the description of someone who isn't interested in 'settling down' (whatever that means to you)... so you can't complain about not finding women who are 'relationship worthy' then.

 

 

You don't sound worthy of one yourself and you don't want to emulate those who are and do. But that is fine. You say you don't want one, so what is the complaining about?

 

 

OH RIGHT.

 

 

You want to convince women who are relationship 'worthy' to date you casually. Is that it? Because you don't want the 'skanks' as you call them... even if you yourself want to act like one?

 

 

ok. well, keep texting away... I'm guessing the real 'relationship worthy' women out there will figure it out pretty quick when you can't even bring yourself to invest in a phone call.

 

 

Too funny.

[Mrlonelyone]

Yes, you have one example amongst all your friends... basically he's an outlier.

 

 

NONE of my friends use texting as a primary form of communication.

 

 

So, yes, you fit the description of someone who isn't interested in 'settling down' (whatever that means to you)... so you can't complain about not finding women who are 'relationship worthy' then.

 

 

You don't sound worthy of one yourself and you don't want to emulate those who are and do. But that is fine. You say you don't want one, so what is the complaining about?

 

 

OH RIGHT.

 

 

You want to convince women who are relationship 'worthy' to date you casually. Is that it? Because you don't want the 'skanks' as you call them... even if you yourself want to act like one?

 

 

ok. well, keep texting away... I'm guessing the real 'relationship worthy' women out there will figure it out pretty quick when you can't even bring yourself to invest in a phone call.

 

 

Too funny.

 

 

 

Go easy on him. It could just be a generational thing. You're not much older than me, and I'm not much older than him. Yet I have seen real differences in how people just a bit older than me and younger than me see texting.

 

 

People less than ten years older than me see texting as an extension of having a beeper. Something you used to need to be important to have (i.e a doctor or a lawyer). Most people were just out of touch most of the time and that was ok.

 

 

People ten years younger than me are at one with their cell phone, tablet and or PC in a way that older people don't get. To them sending a message to their phone is more intimate than almost anything. My young ex and I had relations before I got her plain old telephone number but after I got her Skype and FB info.

 

 

To people who are in their 20's now. Texting, FB, Skype and twitter are more intimate and more important than phone calls or even in person meetings. All of those produce a time stamped paper trail of the relationship. Phone calls and meeting in person without social media are what you do to sneak around and/or hide a relationship until you are ready to take to to that level.

[RedRobin]

Go easy on him. It could just be a generational thing. You're not much older than me, and I'm not much older than him. Yet I have seen real differences in how people just a bit older than me and younger than me see texting.

 

 

People less than ten years older than me see texting as an extension of having a beeper. Something you used to need to be important to have (i.e a doctor or a lawyer). Most people were just out of touch most of the time and that was ok.

 

 

People ten years younger than me are at one with their cell phone, tablet and or PC in a way that older people don't get. To them sending a message to their phone is more intimate than almost anything. My young ex and I had relations before I got her plain old telephone number but after I got her Skype and FB info.

 

 

To people who are in their 20's now. Texting, FB, Skype and twitter are more intimate and more important than phone calls or even in person meetings. All of those produce a time stamped paper trail of the relationship. Phone calls and meeting in person without social media are what you do to sneak around and/or hide a relationship until you are ready to take to to that level.

 

 

... the most successful people I know in their 20's also are very disciplined about their texting and use of social media. Yes, they use it, but not to the extreme and their lives outside of social media/texting/Skype, etc are full and rich...

 

 

Remember what I said about emotional intelligence?? That ability to delay gratification is a primary indicator of it. It's not generational.

 

 

The only thing that is 'generational' is the methods people use that waste their time.

[kaylan]

Yes, you have one example amongst all your friends... basically he's an outlier.

Actually I have several examples. But you'd likely dismiss those as well. Talk about close minded. No wonder youre not snatched up yet.

 

NONE of my friends use texting as a primary form of communication.

YOUR FRIENDS. DUH.

 

Did I not just say that you likely surround yourself with like-minded people? Humans tend to do that you know. Again, my generation tends to text a lot and it has NOTHING to do with their relationship situation.

So, yes, you fit the description of someone who isn't interested in 'settling down' (whatever that means to you)... so you can't complain about not finding women who are 'relationship worthy' then.

Whats wrong with the reading comprehension skills of posters on this board. Where have I said I wanted relationship worthy women right now? I said I dont wanna deal with selfish and game playing women. That doesnt mean Im looking for settle down chicks.

 

You don't sound worthy of one yourself and you don't want to emulate those who are and do. But that is fine. You say you don't want one, so what is the complaining about?

Lmao, not worthy? Lolz ok, whatever you say hun. Like I said, Im not bothered by being single. I know for sure that you definitely are bothered by it at your age.

OH RIGHT.

Oh wrong.

 

You want to convince women who are relationship 'worthy' to date you casually. Is that it? Because you don't want the 'skanks' as you call them... even if you yourself want to act like one?

Lmao, you are so off. I actually tend to avoid relationship minded women so they dont get lead on. But that doesnt mean I want skanks. Why does it have to be two extremes?

 

And with that said, where have I said I wanted to be a skank? Ten bucks says Ive likely slept with less people than you have. Im not as worldly as some of you might think, despite some of my trysts.

ok. well, keep texting away... I'm guessing the real 'relationship worthy' women out there will figure it out pretty quick when you can't even bring yourself to invest in a phone call.

 

Too funny.

What do you get about the tens and 20s generations? WE ALL TEXT MOST OF THE TIME! Ive never had texting be a problem with a girl. I call her when something important must be discussed, but for the most part we text.

 

Stop projecting.

[Oomlotte]

I take slow text response time to mean not interested but not ready to totally drop it because I'm interested enough to keep you around in case this other person doesn't work out.

 

Yup.