Text reply time.

[EmilyJane]

While I can agree somewhat with the last few posts, do take note of the situation I mentioned in my OP. When someone is texting you back promptly, then all of a sudden stops being so responsive, I think we can chalk that up as a loss.

 

Definitely. Means someone else is occupying their text time 99 times out of 100.

[MrCastle]

I'd actually agree with this.

 

Some of you said that even if you're super busy, it only takes 20 seconds. If you're having a convo though, those 20 seconds add up quick. For the most part, I live in class or the library, so I live with my phone on silent. As soon as I see a message (which could take a while) I may read it or note that it's there, but I usually won't reply until a couple of hours later, whenever I take a study break. That being said, I also follow this protocol because my boyfriend is also in med school. By waiting a couple of hours, I also help remove the temptation from him and I both to have a continuous texting conversation - something we just don't have time for.

 

This is literally a typical entire day's texting for us…

 

Me: Just curious. Have you ordered [insert textbook here]? Trying to decide if I will. Hope you've had a good day today! -kiss smiley-

Him: I did have a good day! Can't tell if I'm behind though. [stuff about syllabi, stuff about ordering flash cards, stuff about studying] I should probably just go to bed and get up early. Sweet dreams!

 

If I was dating someone else, and my lack of communication bothered them - for me, that would be grounds with breaking up with them. That sounds severe, but I need someone who understands. Plain and simple.

 

So. In my opinion… it all depends on the situation and the people.

 

That's why I think it's a bigger deal than most are willing to admit. No one wants to act like text messaging is important but it is. It's a form of communication. Actually, the biggest form of communication right now. When was the last time you saw a cell phone commercial talk about minutes, and nights and weekends. Never. It's all about data now. Unlimited text and web.

 

Anyway -- yeah. Whether you're pro-text, or anti-text, I think you need to find someone who has the same views you do on the matter. I couldn't realistically be with a bad texter.

 

The pick up artist community shuns texting and tell you only to use it to set up dates but I disagree. You can learn a lot about a person and develop a chemistry with them the more you talk and more you get to know about them.

 

These guys text the girl once every 10 days to look "cool" then are confused when the girl bails on a date. Because you're not developing a rapport. While you're being Mr. Cool, some other guy is laying the groundwork by communicating with her often. But I guess that's a topic for a different thread

[Eternal Sunshine]

That's why I think it's a bigger deal than most are willing to admit. No one wants to act like text messaging is important but it is. It's a form of communication. Actually, the biggest form of communication right now. When was the last time you saw a cell phone commercial talk about minutes, and nights and weekends. Never. It's all about data now. Unlimited text and web.

 

Anyway -- yeah. Whether you're pro-text, or anti-text, I think you need to find someone who has the same views you do on the matter. I couldn't realistically be with a bad texter.

 

The pick up artist community shuns texting and tell you only to use it to set up dates but I disagree. You can learn a lot about a person and develop a chemistry with them the more you talk and more you get to know about them.

 

These guys text the girl once every 10 days to look "cool" then are confused when the girl bails on a date. Because you're not developing a rapport. While you're being Mr. Cool, some other guy is laying the groundwork by communicating with her often. But I guess that's a topic for a different thread

 

 

This is true. If I hear from a guy once a week, I have aready forgotten about him, let alone feel enough of a connection to go on a date.

[Onethirtyeight]

Well what kind of response time are we talking about here?

 

I have an old POS phone and I'm pretty much always doing something. I still get back to pretty much anyone within 15 minutes unless I really don't like them, if I'm really interested in someone it might be more like 5 minutes because I may stop what I'm doing if I can.

 

I get irritated or take it as a sign of disinterest if someone is taking more than half an hour when I know they aren't at work/school or driving. Over the span of half an hour you can spare 30 seconds.

[married2school]

That's why I think it's a bigger deal than most are willing to admit. No one wants to act like text messaging is important but it is. It's a form of communication. Actually, the biggest form of communication right now. When was the last time you saw a cell phone commercial talk about minutes, and nights and weekends. Never. It's all about data now. Unlimited text and web.

 

Anyway -- yeah. Whether you're pro-text, or anti-text, I think you need to find someone who has the same views you do on the matter. I couldn't realistically be with a bad texter.

 

The pick up artist community shuns texting and tell you only to use it to set up dates but I disagree. You can learn a lot about a person and develop a chemistry with them the more you talk and more you get to know about them.

 

These guys text the girl once every 10 days to look "cool" then are confused when the girl bails on a date. Because you're not developing a rapport. While you're being Mr. Cool, some other guy is laying the groundwork by communicating with her often. But I guess that's a topic for a different thread

 

Actually, you make a great observation there. Made me realize. It's not like I don't like texting or would under normal circumstances be bad at it like some other people. It's that if I literally don't discipline myself my entire study session could get derailed. And with a smartphone, you're lucky to not get sucked into Facebook while you're at it. I literally have an app to block that black hole of a time sucker for multiple hours if I'm feeling particularly easily distracted.

[Els]

I take ages to text back; always have, even when I was dating in college. Not everyone is tethered to their phone all the time. Yes, all it takes is 10 seconds to fire back a text, but that's assuming you have your phone right next to you all the time so you know when you get one, and never miss it...

 

It's really a personality thing more than interest indicator, IMO. Sure, by all means seek compatibility, but it doesn't really mean anything aside from that.

[EmilyJane]

I take ages to text back; always have, even when I was dating in college. Not everyone is tethered to their phone all the time. Yes, all it takes is 10 seconds to fire back a text, but that's assuming you have your phone right next to you all the time so you know when you get one, and never miss it...

 

It's really a personality thing more than interest indicator, IMO. Sure, by all means seek compatibility, but it doesn't really mean anything aside from that.

 

I think he said something about a change in text pattern though.

[Emilia]

This is true. If I hear from a guy once a week, I have aready forgotten about him, let alone feel enough of a connection to go on a date.

Agreed. I read about men using any form of communication only to set up dates and save all the conversation to face to face, that's a mistake because of the lack of rapport in my opinion.

[Lady2163]

Good God, I'm old.

 

My work is 24/7. I receive texts, calls, emails and Facebook messages.

 

If I don't answer them ASAP, I lose money.

 

This has carried over to personal life.

 

Regular response to a text is immediate.

Less regular is under 30 minutes (normally once a day, while working out, I don't have my phone on me, but I do set my watch timer to check it)

Rare - 90 minutes to two hours - I'm at a funeral, wedding or movie.

 

All that said, I don't have a smart phone. When I know the person does, they may text me and I might answer them with a Facebook PM.

 

I think it depends on this persons patterns. Yes, they may only be able to text during lunch or scheduled breaks. A friend of mine is a boss of people of all ages and they have to be replaced to take a break. It kind of disgusts him that the 20 somethings seem to have to go to the bathroom six extra times a day, whereas the 30 year old pregnant woman needs only one extra break.

 

My 50 something brother is glued to his phone. It is always beside him. He's caused a lot of problems by not answering it when our mother calls. She will leave a message and it may be days before he gets back to her.

 

I'd have a problem with a potential boyfriend or current boyfriend if he went more than three eligible answer times and didn't get back to me.

 

Example: sent at 800 AM. What is your schedule tomorrow? Lunch?

No answer 10 AM break

No answer lunch

No answer 300 PM break

No answer at 500 PM while shuttling to car or driving home

1000 PM answer. Busy tomorrow. Can't do lunch.

 

Really? It took you 14 hours to tell me that? Again, each person is different, but my time is extremely valuable and limited. Time is money for me. I truly am tactful and detailed when I explain that (and more importantly, 'why') early in the dating process. But, it only takes twice for a potential boyfriend to mess me up over scheduling for me to move on.

 

Oh - and what I didn't say to the above example was - when he didn't answer by 530 PM, I made other arrangements for lunch.

[gaius]

I usually mull texts (and PM's) over for a while, go on with my day and reply hours later. Sometimes a day later. Often a more interesting reply pops into my head in that extra time.

 

Demanding someone answer your texts immediately is a form of control, and many people are stubborn, pigheaded and aren't interested in being controlled. Like me! Doesn't mean they don't want to f your brains out and aren't thinking about you though.

[regine_phalange]

I am usually not glued on my phone, but if I have a love interest I watch it more often than usual. When I have a lot on my mind and panicking like crazy, and because I'm a bit deaf, I may forget it/not hear it though. I have been scolded some times about that. But I never deliberately ignore my favorite man. On the contrary, I feel intensely happy when I see his name on my screen.

[RedRobin]

The pick up artist community shuns texting and tell you only to use it to set up dates but I disagree. You can learn a lot about a person and develop a chemistry with them the more you talk and more you get to know about them.

 

These guys text the girl once every 10 days to look "cool" then are confused when the girl bails on a date. Because you're not developing a rapport. While you're being Mr. Cool, some other guy is laying the groundwork by communicating with her often. But I guess that's a topic for a different thread

 

 

I'm not a PUA, and I shun texting. All the PUA's and wanna be PUA's I've come across LOVE texting, because that means they can keep multiple ladies in the corral thinking they are actually interested in them.

 

 

Chemistry is not developed by texting. That's fake intimacy. Just words that can't be confirmed by anything real or substantial.

 

 

I get it that some people rely on it... like they rely on caffeine and TV.

 

 

...and yes, I also get it that some other lady is likely 'developing rapport' with a guy I might like, but oh well. That rapport is fake and they'll be rinsed and repeated pretty quick and back on the market in no time. In the meantime, I'll actually have something to show for the time I'm not wasting with a guy developing fake rapport or listening to his BS stories he is too lazy to back up IRL or talking to me on the phone.

 

 

I like that these other smart ladies have better things to do with their time too. Like take demanding classes, work out, etc...

[MrCastle]

 

Chemistry is not developed by texting. That's fake intimacy. Just words that can't be confirmed by anything real or substantial. [/Quote]

 

I've turned "hey let me get your number so we can help each other study for this test" into dates via text messaging. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's not effective. I'm a writer. Text is my biggest weapon. I express myself much better through the written word than I do the spoken one. Because of this, I have taken girls who were lukewarm or indifferent about me and turned them into interested parties. Granted, the real test is in person, where the real you and the real chemistry comes out -- but I would not have even gotten to that point had I not kept a text thing going with them.

 

 

I get it that some people rely on it... like they rely on caffeine and TV. [/Quote]

 

It's the logical progression of communication. Smoke signals, telegrams, letters, telephone, cell phone, email, smart phone/texting

 

This generation texts, and I'm part of that generation, so.

 

I'm getting a very "meh, back in the good ol days..." feel to your post. If you prefer speaking on the phone, enjoy. Just don't knock something different. Communication is communication.

 

 

...and yes, I also get it that some other lady is likely 'developing rapport' with a guy I might like, but oh well. That rapport is fake and they'll be rinsed and repeated pretty quick and back on the market in no time.[/Quote]

 

That's dark, Robin.

 

In the meantime, I'll actually have something to show for the time I'm not wasting with a guy developing fake rapport or listening to his BS stories he is too lazy to back up IRL or talking to me on the phone.[/Quote]

 

You have touched on this before. I sense an insecurity. You prefer the phone because you know for sure he is focused on you and can't possibly be engaged with other women at the same time yeah? Yeah I know. Sounds assuring at first. Until you realize he can do the same thing with another woman as soon as he gets off the phone with you. Don't judge people based on their communication style. You could have a guy who is texting you and only you, or a player who makes his rounds calling women on the phone. You just never know.

 

 

I like that these other smart ladies have better things to do with their time too. Like take demanding classes, work out, etc...

 

This may blow your mind but some women do all of the above and text. Crazy, I know.

[RedRobin]

I've turned "hey let me get your number so we can help each other study for this test" into dates via text messaging. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's not effective. I'm a writer. Text is my biggest weapon. I express myself much better through the written word than I do the spoken one. Because of this, I have taken girls who were lukewarm or indifferent about me and turned them into interested parties. Granted, the real test is in person, where the real you and the real chemistry comes out -- but I would not have even gotten to that point had I not kept a text thing going with them.

 

 

... and this is exactly why I don't text. I don't really care about what is easy for the guy. I'm looking for a relationship in person. Not a text buddy.

 

It's the logical progression of communication. Smoke signals, telegrams, letters, telephone, cell phone, email, smart phone/texting

 

This generation texts, and I'm part of that generation, so.

 

 

I can see that. I can also see that this generation is sorely lacking in communication and real face-to-face people skills that negatively affects them in many aspects of their lives.

 

I'm getting a very "meh, back in the good ol days..." feel to your post. If you prefer speaking on the phone, enjoy. Just don't knock something different. Communication is communication.

 

 

It's not the 'back in the good ol days' at all... anymore than knowing how to walk and ride a bike is old fashioned if all you know how to do is drive a car. It's lazy.

 

You have touched on this before. I sense an insecurity. You prefer the phone because you know for sure he is focused on you and can't possibly be engaged with other women at the same time yeah? Yeah I know. Sounds assuring at first. Until you realize he can do the same thing with another woman as soon as he gets off the phone with you. Don't judge people based on their communication style. You could have a guy who is texting you and only you, or a player who makes his rounds calling women on the phone. You just never know.

 

 

Naah. Never have seen a guy hide much when they talk on the phone. It's not even about scheduling, but that's part of it. If they have time to talk to multiple women on the phone, then he must not have much of a life. OTOH, I get it that they could be talking to me and texting a bazillion others. That's fine. I'm still getting his 'best' (whatever that means), while they are getting his leftovers and little bread crumbs of time in between... lol.

 

 

This may blow your mind but some women do all of the above and text. Crazy, I know.

 

 

none of the highly accomplished people I know make a habit of having conversations via text. Quick messages, that's it.

[MrCastle]

... and this is exactly why I don't text. I don't really care about what is easy for the guy. I'm looking for a relationship in person. Not a text buddy.[/Quote]

 

Understood. Although, texting is easy for both parties, not just "the guy" -- actually, who do you think texts more on average? Late teen/early 20s guys, or late teen/early 20s girls?

 

Maybe if this up and coming generation of young ladies demanded men call them, more men would do it.

 

 

I can see that. I can also see that this generation is sorely lacking in communication and real face-to-face people skills that negatively affects them in many aspects of their lives. [/Quote]

 

You know? I agree. I agree with that. But I don't think it affects all. Just those who can't differentiate between phone/computer screen and the real world. My interpersonal skills in real life are fine. But I also text heavily.

 

 

 

It's not the 'back in the good ol days' at all... anymore than knowing how to walk and ride a bike is old fashioned if all you know how to do is drive a car. It's lazy.[/Quote]

 

Lazy or convenient?

 

 

Naah. Never have seen a guy hide much when they talk on the phone. It's not even about scheduling, but that's part of it. If they have time to talk to multiple women on the phone, then he must not have much of a life. OTOH, I get it that they could be talking to me and texting a bazillion others. That's fine. I'm still getting his 'best' (whatever that means), while they are getting his leftovers and little bread crumbs of time in between... lol.[/Quote]

 

Lol, okay.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I dunno RR. The guy that played me the worst (couple of years back) was phone calls only guy. This guy was a pro - I never saw it coming. He faked the whole relationship (2 months of every day phone calls) just to have sex. Not to go off topic but once I found him out and told him exactly what I think of him, he told me that phone calls are easier because there was a set time for a daily call i.e. after work and he doesn't have to be reachable at other times. He bragged about his "game"

 

My longest relationship was with the text only guy, although when things got serious we spoke on the phone as well.

 

I don't judge by the type of communication, I would rather have the frequency i.e. every day. Personally, I prefer to communicate via text and would never suggest phone calls. Of course if the guy wants to phone me, I will answer the call lol.

[d0nnivain]

I will grant you that a continuous change in response time is probably an indication of waning interest.

 

 

However what scares me about this thread is the idea that so many people seem to be of the mindset that they won't date somebody who's views on texting don't mirror their own. If you prefer to text but the other person wants to hear your voice, you're gonna dump them? OMG that just seems so wrong to me. Voice is more intimate. Why is that a bad thing?

[carhill]

Thoughts?

 

To me, reply time would matter less than content and both would matter less than face time.

 

That probably sounds gratingly 'old fashioned' in this era of instant gratification, which I think is at the root of many of similar annoyances. People want what they want and want it right now and will not be denied, or they will be annoyed/outraged/tower shooters/whatever.

 

More to life than pounding on a smartphone, IMO.

[RedRobin]

I'll say this...

 

 

People who are more into hookups and casual dating tend to do lots of texting...

 

 

It's my experience that those who are relationship oriented and seriously looking for one don't do a lot of texting early on...

 

 

So, my advice is... for anyone who is looking for a relationship at any stage of life is skip the texting. If all one is into is something casual or short term... or their progression tends to me more along the lines of... text, meet, have sex somewhere between 1-4 dates, then maybe relationship...

 

 

Then yea, texting works fine for those folks.

[MrCastle]

I'll say this...

 

 

People who are more into hookups and casual dating tend to do lots of texting...

 

 

It's my experience that those who are relationship oriented and seriously looking for one don't do a lot of texting early on...

 

 

So, my advice is... for anyone who is looking for a relationship at any stage of life is skip the texting. If all one is into is something casual or short term... or their progression tends to me more along the lines of... text, meet, have sex somewhere between 1-4 dates, then maybe relationship...

 

 

Then yea, texting works fine for those folks.

 

How do communication methods dictate the kind of relationship someone wants?

[Lady2163]

This is off-topic, but reminds me that texting may the next way to communicate, but that doesn't make it better. in the last five years I've had over a dozen teenagers, young 20s work for me. I pay well over minimum wage and it's under the table. Not hard work, but it can be boring.

 

I tell them at the start, don't spend 20 minutes in a texting conversation with me when a five minute phone call will resolve the situation. Don't ever text me something work related that is important. If you can't make it to work, you Call, not text.

 

One kid was "fired" (I don't really fire them, they just don't get called back to work) because she kept texting me even when I asked her, then told her to stop.

 

Another kid spent most of the morning stopping work to answer texts. I told him twice to text all his friends that he was working. Intead of a third time, since I knew the parents, i called them. Dad came and observed, without the kid seeing. At lunch, Dad appeared, apologized, said sonny wouldn't be back in the afternoon and that he had worked for free that morning. When son blew a gasket, father asked if he had been told twice to stop. When son, at age 20 cut loose with a string of profanities, father took the phone and smashed it.

 

So, texting maybe for communication, but if the person you're involved with communicates they don't like texting, are you willing to adapt?

 

Someone else said words to the effect that successful people don't text much. There may be some truth to that.

[PegNosePete]

Okay riddle me this Batman.....

 

Say replying to a text in less than 10 minutes indicates low interest.

That goes both ways, you obviously have to reply to hers within 10 minutes and she replies to yours within 10 minutes.

In the average evening where you get home at 6pm and go to bed at 11pm, that means there would be 30 texts going back and forth every night?

 

I guess what I'm asking is... where does it stop? At what point does it become OK to not reply to a text without "showing lack of interest"? At bed time you can say goodnight of course, but that means you would be texting all night, otherwise you are showing low interest?? Maybe you just want the night off, or don't have much to say that night, but still have high interest! Or if you're texting 3 different people, it becomes even worse, you'd be sending 90 texts every night, or 2700 a month - can your plan support that? Even unlimited plans have fair use clauses.

[shinealight]

Well first of some people don't have there phone next to them all the time and also they are buzy.

They are thinking of what they are trying to say that takes about 5/10 mins.

They have to wait to send a message, so like it someone does send a message they are holding there phone and waiting half/hour to send the message *dead annoying*.

 

Some people are just great a texting ie naughty stuff/i love you ect and can send a mesage straight away and can natter away.

And some people can take up to 4 hours and just say im fine.

 

Its the way people are i guess even in real life people are good at talking or they are just silent as a mouse :/

[regine_phalange]

I will grant you that a continuous change in response time is probably an indication of waning interest.

 

 

However what scares me about this thread is the idea that so many people seem to be of the mindset that they won't date somebody who's views on texting don't mirror their own. If you prefer to text but the other person wants to hear your voice, you're gonna dump them? OMG that just seems so wrong to me. Voice is more intimate. Why is that a bad thing?

 

I also prefer short and sweet calls. Texting is nice too, but you can say more within 30 seconds of call than within 30 seconds of texting. I like texting for "unneccessary stuff ", like a funny thing that just happened to me, a small loveydovey confession... But not really deep conversation. This is reserved for face to face time.

[clia]

If I am busy doing other things, I don't feel the need to drop everything right at that moment to text someone back -- no matter who it is.

 

Sure, if I'm sitting on my couch doing nothing and I get a text I will typically respond right away. However, usually that isn't the case. Usually I am doing something else. I don't get why a person on the other end of the phone should take priority over people I may actually be with in real life at that moment. I don't care if it takes two seconds to text back "I'm busy." I shouldn't have to do that. It's rude to the people I'm with. The lack of an immediate response should tell you that I'm busy.

 

Reasons why I do not immediately respond to a text:

 

-- I am in a meeting, at court, at a deposition, working, etc.

-- I turned my phone on silent and forgot, so I did not hear that I have a text, and I rarely check my phone for new text messages.

-- I was in another part of the house and didn't hear the ding that I have a text, and I rarely check my phone for new text messages.

-- I was working out.

-- I was at the movies.

-- I was reading a book.

-- I was watching a television show.

-- I was out with other people.

-- I was eating breakfast, brunch, lunch, or dinner with other people.

-- I am on the train.

-- I am driving.

-- I am out shopping.

-- I am somewhere and do no have my phone with me.

 

Etc...

 

I think texting is nice for some forms of communications -- "On my way," "Running a few minutes late," "See you at 6?", "Have a great day!" etc... but I honestly do not understand why anyone would want to use it for full on, drawn out conversations when it is so much easier just to call. I really can't stand it how nowadays wherever you go -- restaurants, train, sidewalk, wherever -- people have their nose buried in their smartphone and are pecking away at the keys. Ugh.