kaylan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Let me ask you, Do you feel that a person who takes a long time to reply back to a text message, shows an indication of low interest? I personally think it shows a lack of interest, especially considering how Ive seen others behave (including myself) when they receive a text from someone they are interested in. People seem super quick to text someone back that they have high interest in (be it as friends or romantic interests) Id say that during work hours, long reply times are to be expected. But that its rather off-putting to get replies hours later when its the weekend or evening (assuming a 9 to 5 weekday work life). Ive been thinking about this lately in my own dating life, and from hearing my friends mention how long it takes certain people to text them back. It seems to especially annoy people when the texting was initially very involved and prompt, and is all of a sudden very slow. Yet the other person still shows a bit of interest. The advice I gave to my friend was that I felt the other person was trying to keep them hanging on, despite their so-so interest in my friend. I said that if the other person was into them, that it doesnt take long to simply say "hey Im busy ttyl" or to just reply and keep the convo going. I mean, thats what I do. Someone whos friendship or romantic interest I dont care about, would be someone I would simply forget to text back for hours or a whole day on end. Thoughts? PS - Keep in mind that this thread assumes that the main form of contact between two particular people is text. Its 2014, so we can save the "why dont you just call them?" stuff. 5
MrCastle Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Probably my biggest pet peeve when it comes to matters of dating. Whatever people want to say about texting, it is a form of communication, and as such, both people need to be on the same page. If you guys don't view texting in the same light, it could open the door for communication problems. Some people lack tact. Simple as. Some people will ignore a text and then make a tweet or facebook post from their phone. Knowing that you'll see it. Not very discrete. I always take ignored texts or slow responses as lack of interest. I don't particularly care for the "I'm busy" excuse for two reasons: 1.) I own a cell phone. I know how easy it is to send a text message. Even if you are busy, no one is that busy that they can't send a text saying it. It literally takes less than 20 seconds to take your phone out and say that. 2.) I've been with women who have been super into me, and I know first hand -- when someone is truly into you, nothing will keep them away from you. They will find a way to talk to you/see you. Their responses will be timely and they won't just let a conversation die mid flow. I'm a real stickler for texts. If you're a bad texter, come out with it early on so I can temper my expectations. But most girls I know are surgically attached to their phones, so if I'm not getting the response I want, I know why. 6
Keenly Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I'm gonna say yes and no. Ill take forever to respond to girls that I'm not interested, but at the same time if I get a text from this new girl I'm falling for.... It goes like this. I'm playing diablo or battlefield or whatever. Ill get a text.l from her. I'll read it, which makes the notification light go off , but halfway through me typing the text I'll be getting shot at or attacked so I have to put the phone down to stay alive in the game. Then I forget I was texting haha. So that happens. Doesn't mean I'm not into her, because I am. Randomly specific example. 1
MrCastle Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I'm gonna say yes and no. Ill take forever to respond to girls that I'm not interested, but at the same time if I get a text from this new girl I'm falling for.... It goes like this. I'm playing diablo or battlefield or whatever. Ill get a text.l from her. I'll read it, which makes the notification light go off , but halfway through me typing the text I'll be getting shot at or attacked so I have to put the phone down to stay alive in the game. Then I forget I was texting haha. So that happens. Doesn't mean I'm not into her, because I am. Randomly specific example. Haha I'm the opposite. When I'm texting a girl I like (which is always at the worst time, by the way) and I'm busy doing something, or playing video games like you said -- I'll let myself get killed. At that point I obviously find the score of the game trivial and whatnot and would rather give her my full attention. 5
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 No. It's not a lack of interest. Not everyone has their phone glued to their hands. I hate texting. I will tell you that up front. If you text me I will take my sweet time replying until you stop texting & call me. It's a form of behavior modification. 3
Real36 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Slow text time shows low interest in my opinion. And, like you said Kaylan, it's 2014 texting is now a major form of communication.
ThaWholigan Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I'm usually reachable via Whatsapp, but I tend to be doing stuff when people text/call me. Generally, I don't immediately assume lack of interest from slow texts myself, but I know some girls like to text so if you get nothing, she's probably texting someone else or not thinking about you .
Author kaylan Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Probably my biggest pet peeve when it comes to matters of dating. Whatever people want to say about texting, it is a form of communication, and as such, both people need to be on the same page. If you guys don't view texting in the same light, it could open the door for communication problems. Some people lack tact. Simple as. Some people will ignore a text and then make a tweet or facebook post from their phone. Knowing that you'll see it. Not very discrete. I always take ignored texts or slow responses as lack of interest. I don't particularly care for the "I'm busy" excuse for two reasons: 1.) I own a cell phone. I know how easy it is to send a text message. Even if you are busy, no one is that busy that they can't send a text saying it. It literally takes less than 20 seconds to take your phone out and say that. 2.) I've been with women who have been super into me, and I know first hand -- when someone is truly into you, nothing will keep them away from you. They will find a way to talk to you/see you. Their responses will be timely and they won't just let a conversation die mid flow. I'm a real stickler for texts. If you're a bad texter, come out with it early on so I can temper my expectations. But most girls I know are surgically attached to their phones, so if I'm not getting the response I want, I know why. this this this this this
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 It indicates low interest level. There was this guy that took 12 hours to respond to texts and it just wasn't working for me. I also noticed my response time is slower when I am not that interested. In fact, I have a text from yesterday that I forgot about and didn't respond to yet. If it was a guy I liked, I would have responded in minutes :/ 2
Keenly Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Haha I'm the opposite. When I'm texting a girl I like (which is always at the worst time, by the way) and I'm busy doing something, or playing video games like you said -- I'll let myself get killed. At that point I obviously find the score of the game trivial and whatnot and would rather give her my full attention. Trivial...!? TRIVIAL!? a good KDR is one of the most attractive qualities a man could have. 5
spiderowl Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 It depends on the person's texting pattern. If they usually text and are OK about texts, then one would expect consistency of response. If they never did text and hated texting, then it's not likely to happen. In general, I think people would respond fairly rapidly to a person of interest to them. I guess if it was someone new, they might be a bit slow so as not to appear too eager at an early stage, but they would definitely reply. I too have delayed responding to texts. I know it's not polite. Usually it has been because I am interested in them as a friend but not more. At such times, it feels as if they are constantly demanding my attention. As this demand still happens when I have told them I'm not interested romantically, I don't feel obliged to respond as rapidly. It's an awkward one really.
pickflicker Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I sometimes take a long time to reply to texts, and miss calls altogether, because often my phone is on silent and I forget. My phone is there for my convenience, not other people's, so I'll reply when get the message. If that's a while after you sent it, and you're so easily discouraged by me taking time because the phone is in my bag and I'm not glued to it - oh well. Meh.
MrCastle Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Trivial...!? TRIVIAL!? a good KDR is one of the most attractive qualities a man could have. Hahaha my kdr is like a 1.9
xRJ85x Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 No, I can tell you as someone who currently has major interest in a girl yet sometimes don't text her back for an hour or two, it means nothing. Some people have demanding jobs. I work with clients all day, so while I may read a text, I don't have the option of replying right away. Or I do, but can't multitask thinking of a reply while I'm trying to be attentive of work.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Outside of work time or times when you're doing something social (dinner with friends, etc.), yes, I think slow text response time equals low interest, and quick response time suggests higher interest - in general.
CrystalCastles Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I absolutely hate texting and I'm a very bad texter. That is not proportional to my interest level whatsoever. I just happen to have a very busy life and I tend to leave my phone in my purse so I don't get distracted by it while I'm working on homework/volunteering/in class. I am an honours chem major and a math minor so my schedule is very packed and I can't get distracted. I've had massive crushes on a few guys before, and I'd probably text them once a week! Or respond to their texts after a day/several hours. That did not represent my interest in them whatsoever. I find that I personally want to schedule in as much face time with my date as possible. Texting is no replacement for face time. Plus, I like to be given the chance to miss a guy a little. It makes me look forward to the next date with excitement and anticipation. Otherwise I hate being glued to my phone. It makes me feel like I have a handicap or something.
Art_Critic Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Many people aren't allowed to text while working. I can take sometimes a hour or 2 to return text messages while I'm at work, the reason is simple.. I'm at work... 1
Eggplant Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 No, actually I think up to 12 hours or even a little more, even on the weekends, is okay. People are living their lives. They're working out. They're engrossed in their work or studies. They're visiting with somebody. Edit: I'm admittedly horrible with my phone, however. 2
Author kaylan Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 While I can agree somewhat with the last few posts, do take note of the situation I mentioned in my OP. When someone is texting you back promptly, then all of a sudden stops being so responsive, I think we can chalk that up as a loss. 1
Eggplant Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 When I start dating again, I may just stop paying for text messages. That way, I don't have to deal with any of this. 1
Eggplant Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 While I can agree somewhat with the last few posts, do take note of the situation I mentioned in my OP. When someone is texting you back promptly, then all of a sudden stops being so responsive, I think we can chalk that up as a loss. The problem is it's ambiguous. You may or may not be right. I hate having an actual conversation via text messaging. If you want to have a conversation with me, give me your full attention. Texting allows you multitask, and rudely not give somebody your full attention. My time is too valuable. Text me brief messages only.
EmilyJane Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Don't really care if its a sign of disinterest or not, someone who doesn't reply/initiate contact at or above the same level as me is not someone I'm likely to be happy with. So: next! 1
GemmaUK Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 No, I can tell you as someone who currently has major interest in a girl yet sometimes don't text her back for an hour or two, it means nothing. Some people have demanding jobs. I work with clients all day, so while I may read a text, I don't have the option of replying right away. Or I do, but can't multitask thinking of a reply while I'm trying to be attentive of work. This is how I feel about it also. Plus demanding texts/communication at all hours of the day can be an early sign of controlling behaviour - as I have found with two men that I dated in the past. I wish I had been aware of that at the time.
organizedchaos Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 In general, again, in general, the length of time it takes for someone to respond dictates interest. Now, someone can't keep up the pace all the time, but in the beginning stages, if he/she takes a long time to respond, interest is low. These days people are looking at their phones ALL the time. It takes 20 seconds to respond. My last gf would respond immediately. We wouldn't have long drawn out conversations all day long eating up all of each others time. But when we were texting, responses came promptly. There's a new girl I just went out with and we've been texting almost every other day. I know she's interested b/c the mutual friend who set us up told me (plus other signs from the date and post date). When I text her, her responses come back almost immediately. I don't make it a point to drag out the conversation all day either. I've dated other girls who take hours to respond, or the next day, etc...and guess what, those relationships fizzled/faded/ended due to low interest. Someone who is genuinely interested will generally make it a point to respond to you in a timely manner. 1
married2school Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 No, actually I think up to 12 hours or even a little more, even on the weekends, is okay. People are living their lives. They're working out. They're engrossed in their work or studies. They're visiting with somebody. Edit: I'm admittedly horrible with my phone, however. I'd actually agree with this. Some of you said that even if you're super busy, it only takes 20 seconds. If you're having a convo though, those 20 seconds add up quick. For the most part, I live in class or the library, so I live with my phone on silent. As soon as I see a message (which could take a while) I may read it or note that it's there, but I usually won't reply until a couple of hours later, whenever I take a study break. That being said, I also follow this protocol because my boyfriend is also in med school. By waiting a couple of hours, I also help remove the temptation from him and I both to have a continuous texting conversation - something we just don't have time for. This is literally a typical entire day's texting for us… Me: Just curious. Have you ordered [insert textbook here]? Trying to decide if I will. Hope you've had a good day today! -kiss smiley- Him: I did have a good day! Can't tell if I'm behind though. [stuff about syllabi, stuff about ordering flash cards, stuff about studying] I should probably just go to bed and get up early. Sweet dreams! If I was dating someone else, and my lack of communication bothered them - for me, that would be grounds with breaking up with them. That sounds severe, but I need someone who understands. Plain and simple. So. In my opinion… it all depends on the situation and the people. 2
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