Phantom888 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I have 2 kids. My GF has one daughter. I often think about what would happen if my GF had to save either me or her daughter's father (her ex-husband whom she knew since she was 16) if there were a natural disaster. Let's say she only had one rope, and both he and I were hanging onto a ledge, and she had to choose whom to save. Instinctively she should save me, because she knows I am the love of her life, and we plan to be married some time this year. But what if she considers the fact that her daughter needs her father....would she then save him instead and let me die? I know there are a lot of you single moms and divorced moms out there who are in serious relationships / new marriages. Who would you save? What would be an acceptable answer to this hypothetical question? Please be honest. Thanks.
Philosoraptor Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 You save your kids first and your partner second in every scenario. Try not to hang off the sides of cliffs. 8
organizedchaos Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I have 2 kids. My GF has one daughter. I often think about what would happen if my GF had to save either me or her daughter's father (her ex-husband whom she knew since she was 16) if there were a natural disaster. Let's say she only had one rope, and both he and I were hanging onto a ledge, and she had to choose whom to save. Instinctively she should save me, because she knows I am the love of her life, and we plan to be married some time this year. But what if she considers the fact that her daughter needs her father....would she then save him instead and let me die? I know there are a lot of you single moms and divorced moms out there who are in serious relationships / new marriages. Who would you save? What would be an acceptable answer to this hypothetical question? Please be honest. Thanks. Why are you even entertaining these thoughts? Do you doubt she loves you? Why? If not, don't bother giving this any thought. 4
veggirl Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 you OFTEN think about this? I cant imagine something like that even crossing my mind. Like WHEN would this even happen? I think instead of indulging in this thought you need to get to the root of it, why are you constantly comparing ? the insecurities in your R are crazy, maybe figure out where those come from, it's a much bigger problem than what you've presented here.........the fact that you even wonder about this (much less often) is worrisome.
veggirl Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 You save your kids first and your partner second in every scenario. Try not to hang off the sides of cliffs. Or, if he is never in the same area as the ex, there can't be a choice! and OP if daughter and dad have a great R, I think if you are dangling from a cliff with him, she should save him for her daughter.
WrinkledForehead Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I would, without a doubt, save my partner before I'd save my ex. The ex has his own girlfriend to save him. 1
Mariposa10 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I see someone has a lot of time on their hands to be thinking stuff like this Jk, why would you ask? What kind of relationshp does your gf and ex husband have? 1
xxoo Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Maybe she holds the middle of the rope, and throws an end to each of you. But she isn't strong enough to pull both of you up, and if you both grab on, your combined weight will pull her off the edge and the three of you will plummet to your deaths. The question is: do you grab the rope, risking her death? Does he? Which one of you is more likely to sacrifice your own life for hers, hmmm???? 8
Frank2thepoint Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Let's say she only had one rope, and both he and I were hanging onto a ledge, and she had to choose whom to save. Why can't one of you grab the rope and the other person grab the person holding on to the rope? Also if you are concerned about falling in this hypothetical question, then both you and the ex-husband should begin exercising together to build upper body strength to climb. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 you OFTEN think about this? I cant imagine something like that even crossing my mind. Like WHEN would this even happen? I think instead of indulging in this thought you need to get to the root of it, why are you constantly comparing ? the insecurities in your R are crazy, maybe figure out where those come from, it's a much bigger problem than what you've presented here.........the fact that you even wonder about this (much less often) is worrisome. I agree. This is totally bizarre.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 All sunny visions of how this would go down aside... It would be best for all of you to act in the interest of the greatest number of children. So she should save you since you have more kids. However, people are self interested actors, when one keeps that in mind they are never disappointed. She will most likely act in the best interest of her children. If you are like a father to her kid, and are better for her kid than her actual father then she will save you. If, on the other hand, her child's biological father is a big part of her child's life she will act to save her child's father. Why, because then it is more in the interest of her child, and therefore herself to save him than you. The question those of us who don't have children have in a lifeboat situation is why should women with children and fathers go first. Let them all hold each other and tread water.
WrinkledForehead Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 All sunny visions of how this would go down aside... It would be best for all of you to act in the interest of the greatest number of children. So she should save you since you have more kids. However, people are self interested actors, when one keeps that in mind they are never disappointed. She will most likely act in the best interest of her children. If you are like a father to her kid, and are better for her kid than her actual father then she will save you. If, on the other hand, her child's biological father is a big part of her child's life she will act to save her child's father. Why, because then it is more in the interest of her child, and therefore herself to save him than you. The question those of us who don't have children have in a lifeboat situation is why should women with children and fathers go first. Let them all hold each other and tread water. My kids are three and six. There's no way they're strong enough to tread water for an extended period. And there's no way a mother with a likely hysterical child could support said child for an extended period. I've never heard fathers included. I've always heard it, "women and children first." If one looks at this from a pure social investment standpoint, it makes sense to save the young and those who can reproduce. A woman of childbearing age with no children hasn't shown she is capable of perpetuating the species. Then again, in our modern era, many women with children have made physiological choices which render them incapable of reproducing, but are still considered a necessity in raising their own offspring.
Author Phantom888 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 I agree this was a very bizarre thought that I had since last week. I think a part of the reason was that my GF and her ex have a very non-hostile relationship when it comes to their daughter. Yes this is the way it should be on theory, but I seldom see exes work together like this. My ex and I almost never talk, and she tried hard to destroy me during the divorce. So I never could understand how exes can even be remotely friendly. Her ex cheated on her and left her when he found out she was pregnant. He never wanted to be a father. But after all that he ended up being very involved as a father after the divorce. My GF tries to preserve memories for her daughter by saving her wedding videos and pictures of her and her ex together so that her daughter can remember that at one point her mom and dad were together, even though he betrayed her in the worst possible way. Logically this sounds like a very noble thing to do. Every kid deserves to feel that they were created out of love. But I just don't feel comfortable about this whole scenario. After all, her daughter loves me as a father figure, and urges me to marry her mom ASAP, which I will this year. This morning I got a bit annoyed, so I actually asked my GF this exact question. Who gets the rope? Her response: "Without a doubt I would save YOU. You are the man I will spend my life with. But don't expect to be saved if it were between you and my baby. Kids always come first. " This was the answer I expected. I would be surprised if she answered it any other way. I'm glad that we are on the same page. The woman I last had a serious relationship with basically threw me under a bus to save her ex, so I always have a bad reaction towards exes in general. My thoughts are not completely irrational given my experiences.
veggirl Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Honestly Phantom you need therapy. I can't believe you actually asked her that. What do you expect her to say? She knows you are crazy insecure, I doubt she'd dare to tell you the truth if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. And being all butthurt she tries to have a nice relationship with her kids DAD??? Ugh. See first sentence. I'm honestly surprised you aren't jealous of her daughter yet. 1
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