RonChalant Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Ex and I were together for 7 years...from 16-23 and we broke up 2 years ago due to us both just getting tired of each other more less. I was unknowingly dependent on her and only figured that out and truly grew up after we broke up...needed to happen in order for me and her to grow. Got with my current gf 3 months after that ended...There hasn't been a single day in 2 years that I haven't thought about my ex. My current treats me 1000x better than ANYONE I have ever been with, more less is waiting for me to ask her to marry me...but I wont. I love her a lot, but I have never felt like I was "in love" with her despite having been around the world with her, feeling strong feelings for her at one point or another....but never head over heels in love. My ex though is a daily thought in one way or another, she has another bf now but constantly tells me she wants to be my friend but each time I tell her no, I don't want to be her friend to which her response is always "I'll wait". The guy she's with now is the guy she left me for and that's why I refuse to be her friend. I know she still cares but we have both changed so much in 2 years that I have no idea who she even is anymore. She told me on my b day 2 weeks ago that it makes her mad that we aren't friends and she always wants to talk to me, still I told her I don't want to be her friend...we have this exact same conversation every 3-5 months since we broke up. My current HATES her so even if I did want to start a friendship it would be nothing but drama, drama from the current...and even if he and I weren't together, drama from the fact that I would make it a goal to have set with her to spite her current bf, which I'm about 75% sure I could make happen, but I don't because I don't want her thinking she still has control over my mind and emotions the way she did when I was younger. Don't know what I'm even getting at right now but could use someone to help me vent and add a bit of input
TylerDurdenn Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 You have a fantastic girlfriend, your ex is a fantasy.. Don't blow it.
spiderowl Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 You're still emotionally involved with your ex and haven't cut her out of your life altogether. You are hanging on to any hints she might still want to be with you. That aside, I think you need to think about how you'd feel if your current girlfriend suddenly said she wasn't interested any more and left you. Because your ex left and it was not your choice, in some way she has become more precious. Just imagine how you'd feel if your current girlfriend did the same thing. Who would you choose? I am not suggesting you do choose between these women, but that you are idealising the ex because she's not available not because she's better than your current girlfriend. Only you can do this though and find out what your true feelings are.
melell Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I have witnessed this with a few friends- after breaking up with their 'current' partner because of feelings for the ex, suddenly they realize how in love with the 'current' person they actually are. The mind plays tricks, and it usually happens to the dumpee of the previous relationship
ExpatInItaly Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I am going to go a different path from the other posters and suggest that you be single for a while. You haven't sorted out your feelings for your ex or gotten any closure there. You admit you're not in love with your current girlfriend and that there's no real future for you. If she expects that type of commitment from you and you already know you can't give it to her, let her go. Don't string her along with false hopes. She sounds like a great girl, but it's clear that you are not fully invested. That isn't fair to her, or you. Give yourself real time to heal without being in a relationship. And don't get into a relationship again with so many unresolved feeling towards someone else. Good luck, OP.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 You are taking your current girlfriend for granted, and you have not even taken the time to get over your ex. You are being extremely selfish and denying yourself a period of healing. I agree with ExpatInItaly, you need to be single for a while and unfu ck yourself. I added the unfu ck part for emphasis of the message. Take care.
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