alphaomega Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) For the past few weeks my girlfriend has slowly become distant from me (it feels that way at least). It doesn't feel like she really cares so much anymore. She no longer likes me touching her, e.g. stroke her arm or holding her hand, and will move her arm away if I do so. If I say something, she will try to dig and make a sarcastic comment if she can and she is always busy if I text her (sometimes doesn't respond with kisses either) and never starts a conversation herself (in person too). Up until a few weeks ago she wasn't like this at all, completely the opposite. She'd happily hold my hand, would talk to me every day until late and never pick or make snide remarks and would rather apologize to me if she thought she had done. The logical thing to think would be that something happened to trigger this. Only 3 (in-significant in some cases) things happened relating to the time when this started. Firstly I stayed at a male friends house for a night, played games that kind of thing, pretty normal. I stroked her thigh in public, this was the first time she reacted negatively to my touch. Finally, I began texting her closest female friend a little more frequently (still less than I ever texted her) and I have known her for a long time too, never showed any romantic interest and don't have any. I have asked her multiple times if anything is wrong and if I've done something, she just says no and says it's other things like christmas being stressful. But those things have passed now and she's still treating me the same way. Any advice would be great, thanks. Edited January 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
TylerDurdenn Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Why were you texting her closest friend? Would you like it if your closest friend was texting your girlfriend? No, didn't think so. 5
Mondmellonw Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 How much time you've been hanging out? Mhhh... Sounds like she is mad at you, but she wants you to find out why. That kind of stuff always leads to misunderstandings. Try to get her to open to you, without forcing her, and without pleading her. Just show interest.
Author alphaomega Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Why were you texting her closest friend? Would you like it if your closest friend was texting your girlfriend? No, didn't think so. She'd ask things to do with uni work and sometimes she'd just ask how I'm doing. She always starts the conversations and I feel slightly awkward in trying to get out of them. I am also not sure if my girlfriend is aware that I text her, hence I am unsure if this contributes to her emotions towards me at the moment. Would you say it's unacceptable to text her friend at all?
Author alphaomega Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 How much time you've been hanging out? Mhhh... Sounds like she is mad at you, but she wants you to find out why. That kind of stuff always leads to misunderstandings. Try to get her to open to you, without forcing her, and without pleading her. Just show interest. We see each other every weekday but when we do this is when she is sarcastic and doesn't really want to have a conversation with me.
TylerDurdenn Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 She'd ask things to do with uni work and sometimes she'd just ask how I'm doing. She always starts the conversations and I feel slightly awkward in trying to get out of them. I am also not sure if my girlfriend is aware that I text her, hence I am unsure if this contributes to her emotions towards me at the moment. Would you say it's unacceptable to text her friend at all? Personally I try to keep my distance between girlfriend's friends, otherwise it can get a bit messy. That is all down to personal experience, others may be different. 1
Author alphaomega Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Personally I try to keep my distance between girlfriend's friends, otherwise it can get a bit messy. That is all down to personal experience, others may be different. That sounds like a good idea to me. Would it be best to ask her if that's what's been bothering her? Bearing in mind she might not know, or she will as her friend may have said.
TylerDurdenn Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 That sounds like a good idea to me. Would it be best to ask her if that's what's been bothering her? Bearing in mind she might not know, or she will as her friend may have said. If she was a good friend she would have told her. Again personally, I'd show her the harmless conversations and reassure her that you love her and only want her. Then I'd take her out for dinner as she's obviously been stressed lately. Good luck.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 It might not mean anything. Everyone has moods. It could mean the honeymoon is over. My mom and dad, married 40 years, never hold hands anymore. Instead mom has supporteded my disabled Dad since the late 1990's.
Author alphaomega Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Well I talked to her about it today she asked if I was serious when I apologized about texting her friend and said that it doesn't bother her at all. I was slightly taken aback but I asked what was on her mind and whether anything I did bothered her and she said no and it's just the way she is. I'm guessing as Mrlonelyone suggested that how she reacted initially may have just been the honeymoon period.
shinealight Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Hm do you like her friend? Seems odd texting her :/
Author alphaomega Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Hm do you like her friend? Seems odd texting her :/ Not in that way, no. Her friends always starts off by texting me about work and then moves on to other topics, it's hard to end the conversation straight away but I do eventually. I think even though my girlfriend has said she has no problem with it, I'm not going to text her friend and will try to keep any conversation she starts as short as possible.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 You could give your gf some space or time off. But her actions toward you with no reason does not bode well. You tried talking to her and she sounds like she's not providing any insight to why she is standoffish. 1
Author alphaomega Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 You could give your gf some space or time off. But her actions toward you with no reason does not bode well. You tried talking to her and she sounds like she's not providing any insight to why she is standoffish. I have been doing so, we haven't seen each other for about a week because she's been away with family and only texted each other a few times a day. I'm thinking it might be worth talking to her and asking if she's happy in the relationship with me, would you agree?
Lady2163 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I dont know if people still do this, but when I was young, dumb and immature, I often tested to see how much crap I could get away with.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I dont know if people still do this, but when I was young, dumb and immature, I often tested to see how much crap I could get away with. Yes they still do. It's human nature to $h1t test.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I have been doing so, we haven't seen each other for about a week because she's been away with family and only texted each other a few times a day. I'm thinking it might be worth talking to her and asking if she's happy in the relationship with me, would you agree? You should have a serious discussion with her, but do not demand anything. Just ask what's going on, ask her to talk to you. If she is still hesitant to speak or just shrugs and says nothing is going on, then she's taking you for granted. What you do with that is up to you, but personally, being taken for granted is an insult and disrespectful. If she does finally say something, do not judge her nor get angry with her, especially if it's something legitimate.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I dont know if people still do this, but when I was young, dumb and immature, I often tested to see how much crap I could get away with. Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum. Plenty of people who are older, but not maturer, still do this.
Author alphaomega Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Well I asked her if she was happy and she said no and that it was nothing I'd done or hadn't done or anything like that. I enquired more and she said it was honestly just her and she had trouble with commitment so she'd rather be friends. That's the way it is now and now she doesn't seem to mind texting me or talking to me at all, I still don't understand why she ended it with me.
Keke1 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Well I asked her if she was happy and she said no and that it was nothing I'd done or hadn't done or anything like that. I enquired more and she said it was honestly just her and she had trouble with commitment so she'd rather be friends. That's the way it is now and now she doesn't seem to mind texting me or talking to me at all, I still don't understand why she ended it with me. Sounds like an option just opened up for her. If you don't think you can be friends with her then don't.
EmilyJane Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) She's passively aggressively trying to get you to end things so she doesn't have to. Edit: sorry should have read whole thread first The best friend thing is totally weird too. Totally against girl code. I wonder if they were trying to get you to step over the line so shed have an excuse to end things. I'd just cut her off babe. She sounds flakey and manipulative. Move on and find someone sweet Edited January 4, 2014 by EmilyJane 1
ABrokenNerd Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Is there any backstory to this? Are you guys both young? How long were you guys dating? Were you a rebound? What was your intimacy level like? Define public when you said you stroked her thigh? Some girls do not like PDA.Without backstory, the only thing that people can do here is speculate. In any case, She didn't want to commit. There is nothing really you can do to make it so. If she wants to commit, she will come around. Until then treat this situation like it is. (A break-up)
Mrlonelyone Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Well I asked her if she was happy and she said no and that it was nothing I'd done or hadn't done or anything like that. I enquired more and she said it was honestly just her and she had trouble with commitment so she'd rather be friends. That's the way it is now and now she doesn't seem to mind texting me or talking to me at all, I still don't understand why she ended it with me. Sorry to hear this OP. Unless you texted her best friend something sexual then I don't see a reason for her to dump you in that. If you are both young, and have been dating for a while, months, or a year or more without any break or break up, then it is as I said, the honeymoon period was just over. Was it love or limerance? A technical term for what I call the honeymoon is limerance. It is a strongly chemical passionate feeling that is the head over heels can't get enough of them "love". Every couple goes through this in the beginning. 'Limerence' makes the heart grow far too fonder - USATODAY.com A real good article on distinguishing love from limerance is Is It Love? Or Limerence? | Happen Magazine Look at this and ask yourself have you really lost a love or was it just a really long mutual infatuation plus mutual horniness? It will happen again, eventually. Eventually one of the women you fall "in love" with will be a true love and when the honeymoon wears off you'll find in each other something so special that most every past love is insignificant by comparison.
Sand Man Dan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Dude, she told you that it doesn't bother her AT ALL that you text her friends. And she's getting distant...yeah just let her get as distant as she wants.
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