hugznkisses21 Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Thanks for all your replys.... I dotn have the highest self esteem. I did date a guy who cheated and treated me like crap and made sure I knew that everything was my fault. After A while I belived that and I took that into my family life, my friendships and now my relationship. I feel a bit better today but as i sit here typing this I feel like im going to cry. I really want to go to a drug store and grab a bottle of confidence and security and take the whole bottle. Last night I spoke to my bf and expressed to him how I feel terrible about going or talking with this friend of my cousins and if my bf was not going to attend tonight I will not go and spend the evening with him which I would want ayway. He proceed to say its all right i trust u no big deal......we hang up and he calls back saying for me not to worry cause he knows i am and that he trusts me and thats all there is to it. So ok everything is good....he says he will call me later. Well he does and im having a terrrible low confidence day plus he doesnt sound too happy when he calls later that night. Due to my past I think I did something wrong so I ask him what wrong, i really want him to spill it, I ask what can I do to be a better gf, and that I think he can do better (cause I know he can) a good gf would have confidence, and wouldn't agrue with him about how everythign is her fault. Anyways to top it off i got upset and he got argivated with me. I hate being like that I want to be better. He says I am trying to hard to fix things all the time and if hes upset or we argue just leave him he will get over it, if i try to fix all the time it agravates him more Can someone help me out. You guys are failry good at helpin me. I really love him, but i feel like im going to mess up like I always have before. P.S he just called and we actually had a good laugh on the phone so i feel a bit better but I cant keep doing this t myself and in turn to him
iceisles Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Before you can work on your relationship, you have to work on yourself. A lack of confidence has a tendency to snowball very quickly when triggered by the slightest thing, such a rude comment from a significant other. The thing that would be best for you is to establish a good support network. Find friends that you can confide in and talk to. It really does help a lot. Also, keep busy and try not to dwell on the things that only make you more depressed. It takes effort to say "I'm going to go for a jog", etc., but forcing yourself to do it will be great because it will keep your mind actively busy. Finding people to date who are fun, energetic, and positive will also yield positive dividends. Nobody wants to date someone who makes them feel like cr*p, and if you are already someone struggling with depression or a lack of confidence, this could put you in a pretty deep emotional hole. If you find that your current boyfriend is not supportive of your depression, move past him. That won't be your first instinct, but clinging to someone who only exacerbates sorrow is not the answer. If you find that your mental issues overwhelm you and talking to friends and family doesn't help, you can always consider going to a doctor for some medication. Zoloft and Paxil are two good options that may help to alleviate your symptoms. I don't think medication should be the first solution, mainly because it doesn't help everyone and some drugs will have adverse side effects. Once you have established some better feeling inside after doing these things, then you can focus on him. Just explain to him what you're going through and remain strong. People have can a tremendous impact on one another, so let him guide you through your inner struggles. We may feel like we are alone in this world, but life is definitely not a solo journey.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 Thank you very much for taking the time to post. Currently I am in coucelling and am trying to get through some of the feelings of guilt and thinking things are my fault. A past relatioship has made me feel this way and some loss in my family. My bf is quite understanding. I love him with all my heart but I do know that as understanding as people can be it does get a bit tough sometimes. I know that guys always want a confident girl who is needy....and im not needy but i just have times when i get scared, all I can think of is hes is going to leave me like the last guy, its all fault.....what a loser gf I can be.....EVENTHOUGH he tell me im beautiful, he isnt going to leave and that he loves me. Im just very hard onmyself and want to be the best person I can for me and him and soemtimes its tough. i dont want to loose him but by trying hard not to loose him I pushy him a bit away, do u understand?
iceisles Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by hugznkisses21 i dont want to loose him but by trying hard not to loose him I pushy him a bit away, do u understand? I understand. If you recognize what (and how much) pushes him away, that is a step in the right direction. Rein in those actions or emotions that you can tell obviously push him away. He will always be there for you, but you'd rather have him feel like you only need him during the really rough times, and not every second.
tattoomytoe Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 exercise is a great and very healthy way to blow off steam. as an added bonus you start to feel better and even better about yourself. then, if someone pisses you off again, you can kick their ass!
Author hugznkisses21 Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 heheheh..... yes i work our 4 days a week i love it...............its definately a hour or so when i feel good about myself. Lately I have been feelng though that there is no reason why my bf shouldnt cheat on me since im alot to handle.............wouldnt he want something easier going. Im sometimes afraid he see better in other girls and will persue them when I am not with him.....I trust him i love him i just dont trust my insecuroties and fears
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