polynomial Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 what and how to tell the difference? someone with more dating and relationship experience can maybe shed some light and their thoughts
TaraMaiden Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Compromising is an agreement with your other half. Settling is doing it without their knowledge. 1
tlegend Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Compromising = working together for a common goal Settling = Holding onto someone because you don't think you can get better It's a pretty clear difference, wouldn't you agree? 1
MrCastle Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Compromising -- having realistic expectations when it comes to relationships. Accepting a trade off for something more valuable. Ex: "He/she may not have (blank), but they have (blank) and to me, that's more important." Settling -- Feeling like you can't get anyone else, so you stay with someone you're not even fully attracted to, secretly hating them and yourself. 3
Author polynomial Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Compromising = working together for a common goal Settling = Holding onto someone because you don't think you can get better It's a pretty clear difference, wouldn't you agree? but let's say your partner doesn't have much time so you compromise to meet at least 3 times a week. Now, you love your partner, but you're not happy with this compromise. There could be a man out there who could spend 7 days a week with you. But since you love your current bf, you stay and make the most of the 3 days. Would you be settling in the long run?
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 but let's say your partner doesn't have much time so you compromise to meet at least 3 times a week. Now, you love your partner, but you're not happy with this compromise. There could be a man out there who could spend 7 days a week with you. But since you love your current bf, you stay and make the most of the 3 days. Would you be settling in the long run? This is still compromise. Settling is being with someone you are not in love with..
Author polynomial Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 This is still compromise. Settling is being with someone you are not in love with.. what if (and sorry for all the hypothetical questions here, just one of those night i guess ) you are in love with someone but your livestyles and goals aren't compatible and the relationship make you happy but you decide to stay (cuz you do love them). Like, you know they are bad for you but you still love them..
TaraMaiden Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 still settling - for unrequited love.... unrequited because they're not prepared to meet you half way to do what it tkes to make you happy too.
MissBee Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) Compromise has to do with both people making concessions about something they disagree on. It is a mutual agreement where you come to some agreeable term that suits you both. Settling is choosing to forego your needs, wants and/or desires for something you're consciously aware that you don't want for fear that you can't do better or that's as good as it gets so why not. The two are not the same at all. Compromise occurs during a relationship and is part of any relationship or friendship, as at some point you will disagree on things and must solve the matter with a compromise usually, which also isn't the same as attempting to date someone who is so fundamentally different that you must compromise your values. Settling OTOH is what gets you into relationships you aren't fully happy with. Edited January 3, 2014 by MissBee
MissBee Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 what if (and sorry for all the hypothetical questions here, just one of those night i guess ) you are in love with someone but your livestyles and goals aren't compatible and the relationship make you happy but you decide to stay (cuz you do love them). Like, you know they are bad for you but you still love them.. That's compromising your values which is different from healthy compromise. Everyone should have the things that are fundamentally important and that they need and then compromise on more minor things, not the opposite where you compromise on your major things but only have minor things in common. Eventually you will be unhappy with such a relationship. "Loving" someone, whatever that means in this case, isn't all a relationship is built on. If you have contrary goals and lifestyles and are fundamentally incompatible it will eventually turn into a mess or one person usually will compromise who they are, what they believe, value, their goals, dreams etc for this so called relationship. I don't think it's worth it personally and that is settling as well as compromising yourself.
ponchsox Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Settling will lead to problems in a relationship and isn't associated with love. Compromising means two people work together for love.
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I'll try to put some specifics around it. If you have read my posts you know I'm not a fan of texting. Shortly after my husband & I started dating his phone got damaged about 6 weeks before his contract was up. The only thing that worked was texting so I had to compromise & text, even though I hate it. It's watching sports / a romantic movie when you would rather watch the other just so you can sit on the couch next to your SO. Settling on the other hand is lowering your standards & accepting less because you don't think you can get more or do better. It's like giving up. Make more sense?
TintedChrome Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I'm glad I found this thread. I'm facing precisely this kind of a dilemma. I wonder if people who espouse the philosophy of never settle/never compromise tend to be young, because it's easy to be idealistic when you're 20, 25, or 30, but not so much at 35, 40, or 45. Another way of phrasing the topic is: settling versus accepting what is. If someone or something isn't everything you want, but is still a good, logical choice, is that settling?
Author polynomial Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 I'm glad I found this thread. I'm facing precisely this kind of a dilemma. I wonder if people who espouse the philosophy of never settle/never compromise tend to be young, because it's easy to be idealistic when you're 20, 25, or 30, but not so much at 35, 40, or 45. Another way of phrasing the topic is: settling versus accepting what is. If someone or something isn't everything you want, but is still a good, logical choice, is that settling? I guess it's important to know that nobody is perfect and how deep are the so called "flaws" of this person and whether or not you'd realistically had the chance to actually meet someone who'd be *everything* you wanted
Silly_Girl Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Settling means yearning or feeling you're missing something. Compromising makes sense.
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