Dvan1231 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I've been dating this guy for about 3 months. We were friends for a long time and have been after each other for almost as long. Things seem to be going well, he takes me to social gatherings with his friends or mine, he gave me a toothbrush to have at his place, even got up at 6 am in freezing weather to support me in a marathon I was running and brags to his friends that I am a marathon runner. When we talked about the long saga it took to get to this point I told him I was really happy we are finally dating. He said he was too, but I'm not sure if that was a cop out answer or genuine. We have acknowledged that we are dating, when people ask about us we acknowledge that we are dating and the time frame in which we started dating. But we have not discussed the seriousness or exclusivity of the relationship. I am pretty sure he is not dating anyone else and he did refer to me as his girlfriend for the first time and has started using relationship nick names like "baby" in public. The word girlfriend was used during a joke; he wasn't joking about us or the relationship, but does that change its value? The reason I am writing is because I've noticed that we only have one date a week, we don't talk at all in between dates and sometimes when he sleeps over he leaves at 9 in the morning (sometimes we go out for breakfast or stay in bed for half the day talking about all kinds of things). So is this normal? Does he just want his space or is he just not that interested? I disagree with having the "talk" but so many people think it's important, should I have the talk? What should I be expecting out of the relationship at this stage of the game?
clia Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 What's "normal" depends on the people and the relationship in question, so you will likely get a variety of answers. However, in my opinion, after three months I would expect to have had the boyfriend/girlfriend/exclusivity discussion, I would expect to have more than one date a week, and I would expect to talk at minimum every other day, but closer to every single day in some way, shape, or form (i.e. text or phone). By three months, there should be positive momentum, moving forward of the relationship -- not stagnation. You should want to see more of each other (unless of course there are legitimate reasons why you can only see each other once a week) and talk to each other enough that you are part of each other's lives. Not once a week. I personally think the boyfriend/girlfriend/exclusivity discussion is necessary to have; a lot of other people on this site disagree with me. Without it, how can you possibly know where you and the relationship stands? Many a poster has found out upon bringing up exclusivity that their partner just wants to keep things casual or doesn't want a relationship right now. What do you do on your dates? Does he pay? Has he brought you flowers?
Author Dvan1231 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 We've done many different things on our dates such as: friends Xmas parties, dinner and a movie, or some event that's going on in town. I've never gone over to his place without having a date first. He has always paid. And we do hang out more than once a week if there is a reason. For instance he took me out to a nice dinner and then we met up with friends for drinks to bring in the New Year, even though we already had our weekend date. My birthday is in the middle of next week and he's already told me he wants to take me out. But I feel like at this point, we shouldn't need a reason to hang out. He is ex military and I think he is just really regimented and schedule oriented. I've known him long enough that he doesn't like to stray from his schedule, which is part of his appeal as I am the same way. I'm not worried about what he is doing when he's not with me, I just simply would like to see more of him. The texting isn't my biggest concern he's never been a talker/texter and often leaves even his best friend without a response.
FitChick Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Wait until he takes you out for your birthday. Maybe he will bring up the topic himself. Maybe the present he gives you will be symbolic of his feelings for you so you won't need to talk, at least not yet. I don't see any harm in saying something like "I always enjoy spending time with you and miss hearing your voice during the week." Then drop the ball and see if he picks it up, either continuing that line of conversation or just calling you more often. How old are you both? Have either of you been married?
ExpatInItaly Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I've been dating this guy for about 3 months. We were friends for a long time and have been after each other for almost as long. Things seem to be going well, he takes me to social gatherings with his friends or mine, he gave me a toothbrush to have at his place, even got up at 6 am in freezing weather to support me in a marathon I was running and brags to his friends that I am a marathon runner. When we talked about the long saga it took to get to this point I told him I was really happy we are finally dating. He said he was too, but I'm not sure if that was a cop out answer or genuine. We have acknowledged that we are dating, when people ask about us we acknowledge that we are dating and the time frame in which we started dating. But we have not discussed the seriousness or exclusivity of the relationship. I am pretty sure he is not dating anyone else and he did refer to me as his girlfriend for the first time and has started using relationship nick names like "baby" in public. The word girlfriend was used during a joke; he wasn't joking about us or the relationship, but does that change its value? The reason I am writing is because I've noticed that we only have one date a week, we don't talk at all in between dates and sometimes when he sleeps over he leaves at 9 in the morning (sometimes we go out for breakfast or stay in bed for half the day talking about all kinds of things). So is this normal? Does he just want his space or is he just not that interested? I disagree with having the "talk" but so many people think it's important, should I have the talk? What should I be expecting out of the relationship at this stage of the game? This is the part I find strange. Why do you not speak at all? Do wait for him to initiate and he doesn't? Or do you guys just not reply when the other sends a message? For me personally, speaking so irregularly isn't enough to establish or maintain a relationship. I need more contact than once a week to truly consider myself to be in a relationship. If I'm actually interested in someone, I would naturally want to speak to them more regularly. Infrequent contact would indicate to me that we're really only dating casually and that it's not serious at this point. It could also indicate that there are other people in the picture, much as I wouldn't want to consider that. Is it enough for you? If so, let it be. If not (and I'm guessing it's not since you started a thread about it) talk to him. After 3 months, you have a right to verify what his feelings are and where he sees this going.
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