My best relationship Ive ever had suddenly ended in a bad manner...feel so awful

[jaimers]

Sorry this is long winded…Confusing break up. I need to vent and don’t have any reliable friends close by to vent to right now.

 

My (ex) boyfriend dumped me yesterday. We were officially together for 7 months, dating for about 8 months. We are both 25. I was his first official girlfriend. He has dated a little bit but nothing serious. He is introverted and doesn’t go out much, claims he is picky with girls he would commit to and was very shy around girls until recently. (Those are the reasons why he waited so long to date according to him) This was the first relationship I’ve been in where I was very happy after the first few months. All of my exes or past dating partners became selfish and mean after the first few months passed and avoided conflict like the plague…with all of them I became miserable over time, this is the first guy who hasn’t done that. We are compatible on many things (interests, values, sex drives), we have the same sense of humor, he has been much more kind/considerate than all of my exes- so I am devastated.. We have had some disagreements before but we were able to talk them out and we did not really ever “fight” about anything, he had much better conflict resolution skills than my exes. I had realized a few weeks ago Id fallen for him too.

 

However, now I feel like this was all a lie. While Ive dated douchey guys and have been able to see red flags- with this guy there was little to no red flags. All of my friends and family said he acted like he really liked me. His friends and family liked me a lot. For Christmas, he got me several presents including copies of all of the pictures we had together (a packet of around 100 pictures) and he got me a picture frame with a picture inside of us together (plus one for himself). I spent all day Christmas Eve with him and his family, and he even invited me to spend Christmas Day with him

 

On New Years Eve, he had a bunch of his friends over, his two siblings and me. Before people came over, he told me I’m nice to him and he’s glad we make each other happy because he sees many relationships where people are miserable. (He brought this up- not me).

 

During the party, he started ignoring me during the 2nd half (after the ball dropped when we were playing games). He noticed/made comments when his siblings left the playing room for 10 minutes but when I left for over 30 minutes he didn’t notice. We both had been drinking but not a lot. (Neither of us are big drinkers). He later looked at me when I walked by him and he could tell I was pissed (but he asked in front of his friends and I didn’t want to start a fight) so I told him a bit later in another room in his house that yeah, he pissed me off by ignoring me. He said he wanted to go upstairs to talk about it. I didn’t want to, just wanted him to not ignore me, but agreed. So we did and I told him how I felt, and I cried a tiny bit, and he said he didn’t mean to do it and he doesn’t know why he did it. I cannot remember exactly what we said but he did say at some point “I don’t know if you’re right for me, I don’t know how I am supposed to feel in relationships” That he is happy with me most of the time, but has moments where he doubts things and he cannot tell if that’s normal or not, or if it is because I am not right for him, or if it is because he is an overthinker/worrier

 

The next morning when we woke up, he apologized immediately and said he was glad it happened because “you need to re evaluate a relationship at certain points” and he realized he wants to stay with me. He said he did ignore me at the party and acted detached towards me, and he didn’t know why he did that. He said he has been friends with this group of friends since he was 10 and isn’t used to having another person there and he forgot I was there for a bit. He said he has been single for so long, being in a relationship is an adjustment but the payoff is worth it. At this point I felt better, and told him I understood and was sorry because I may have overreacted and could have held off. I asked him if he still thought I wasnt right for him and he said while he likes to fix things, he couldn’t say anything about that topic to make me feel better. Well this made me feel like CRAP but its understandable.

 

We were both hungover and he said he didn’t sleep well, because he was so stressed over our conversation the previous night he kept waking up, but he acted normal. We went to brunch with his siblings and hung out for a few hours afterwards. He asked me how I felt and I said I felt bad physically but also felt a bit stressed and sad over him saying he doesn’t know if I’m right for him. He then started crying (which shocked me, he isn’t an emotional guy) saying he didn’t want to make me feel sad and hated upsetting me and seeing me cry. He said he doesn’t know if it would work with us and he doesn’t know what to do. He said “I have no idea if I should break up with you right now” and “its weird seeing you interact with my friends and family, I don’t know how to describe it” but admitted that’s his mental issue. The weird thing is, at the beginning of this talk. I asked him if he wanted me to leave so he could cool down and he said no, but I swear at the end of the conversation, he looked at me and said “I want you to leave.” So, I got up and started to get my stuff and he was like “what are you doing?” and I said “you told me to leave” and he said “no, I said NOT to leave” Perhaps I heard wrong but I swear it sounded like he told me to leave. We talked some more and did other stuff to calm down (watched TV, played a game), so I thought we were fine and he started acting normal

 

2 hours later he told me he still felt weird about us and his stomach was still in knots. I said that’s normal after a fight to have high emotions. He said “what do we do now?” and I said “we move past it” and he said “I don’t know if I can” By this point I was pissed and knew he was going to dump me eventually, so I said I needed to go. Then got up and started getting my stuff (my clothes, some wine, some food…I forgot the most important stuff though- a new TV series we watch together that I’m obsessed with and many movies) He was in the other room and didn’t see me doing this. I started to walk out the door and say “call me when you calm down” but he cut me off and said “don’t leave” but then followed by “I don’t know what to do”… I snapped and said “ok, if you are just going to jerk me around this way, this is ridiculous and we are done” and left right then. He started crying and tried to grab me as I walked out the door.

 

My phone right now isn’t working with phone calls (I spilled water on it, and nobody can hear me unless I scream into the phone) so in my car I texted him and said “even though I pulled the trigger, I only did it because you wanted to break up with me. I consider this you dumping me so don’t tell all your friends I was the mean one”. He texted me saying “seeing how upset you are, I cant continue to be with you when Im not 100% in it” I told him I don’t want to continue to talk to him and he said “stop please” Then called me and said “I don’t like the way we broke up” and I said “well Im not friends with exes, goodbye” and he yelled “wait!” in the phone before I hung up. I said some mean things to him after this that I regret, like he must have lied about being happy with me if he could change his mind instantly in one day, or that he was dumb to throw everything away after a fight and he would have issues with every girl he dated if he cannot handle a fight, that he must have commitment issues or is too immature to handle a relationship. Also, that he wasted his money on all those pictures he gave me and how convenient of him to dump me right after I bought him some things and he didn’t pay me back yet for them. He texted me saying “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. It hurts and I was hurting you so I had to end it” and when I said I left my TV series there and to please mail it he said “ok..Im at my parents house now because I don’t know what to do with myself and I hope you don’t mean that stuff you said.” And later “can we talk in a few days?” I responded by saying “No, nothing to talk about. Just mail me the TV series and my movies.” And that “youll be over me quickly don’t worry, I bet I feel 100x worse than you right now” and how Im so dumb for telling people he was different than other guys

 

I didn’t sleep at all last night, I cant eat, I hid our relationship status on Facebook (I would have ended the status actually, but his extended family is on there and would comment on it, so I’ll let him do it when he thinks he can handle it) I haven’t taken a breakup this badly before…with my exes I cried for an hour and moved on. I kind of want him back but I don’t know if I could trust him after he changed his mind so radically in 24 hours. Other than this, I was soooo happy with him this came out of nowhere.

Edited January 2, 2014 by jaimers

[jaimers]

No one has any advice for me?

[Haydn]

Sorry for your pain but it was yesterday so go No contact now! delete and block him and his family and friends on social media. You dont need to know anything about him at this point. I am telling you this because so many of us here did not put NC into action quick enough. Ignore him. he clearly wants somethong else.

[deathandtaxes]

Go talk to him. Meet somewhere neutral. Have a real heart-to-heart. It seems like a bad day or two and a lot of miscommunication.