JohnnyLoverBoy Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Just realize a lot of stuff with my past relationship and I think being nice guy is just isn't enough.. Bought her presents, Always making surprises for her, Making her my priority, Being nice overall, Treating her like a princess. all of that isn't enough what did I get doing all of that?? She walked all over me, She fells out of love, She said I deserve better She even told me she's being unfair to me and she doesn't want a dog like she can call anytime.. Do you guys know how much that hurts? to be told like that? What did I do wrong to deserve all this pain? I'm just tired of being nice to woman.. This is the second time it happened to me.. 2 year relationship just down the drain because why? I am too nice? I am no challenge? I hope this kind of woman will realize one day what is it really like out there when they meet someone who gonna treat them like sh*t. Sorry for the vent guys. Just having a hard time..
DorkBreakfast Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 This is a very common situation you've gotten yourself into. When you bend over backwards for someone like that, you've already stuffed yourself in the corner as a person she can always get whatever she wants from. There is a difference between being nice and letting someone walk all over you because you let them. Don't take it too hard. It happens to a lot of guys, myself included. Take it as a learning experience. It was not a waste of time if you learn something good from it. 1
chris21422 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Hey man take it as a learning experience.. They won't appreciate it till it's gone.. When they get cheated/abuse or they get treated bad in the future for sure she will remember you.. Don't take her back though. In the future someone will appreciate things that you did. 5
d0nnivain Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I don't see why you should change. It's good to be nice to your long term partner. It's bad to be a door mat but just because she didn't appreciate you doesn't mean you should turn into a jerk. 1
Yamaha Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 She was right you know! You do deserve better! learn to feel good about yourself. When you know you deserve someone who treats you like you deserve, you won't allow them to use you! 3
Fangorn Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Being told you deserve better is no consolation while you're sitting there alone and miserable while they're out and happy, getting laid but some new douchebag. If we deserve someone better why do they deserve anyone at all? I know how you feel man
notthathard Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 All she has done is given you a better recipe for your next relationship, she doesn't know this.. she thinks you will be like this forever. I've also been there in the past. Trust me she will realize one day, this will be too late when you are completely over her. The way you were acting at the time is not someone who she wanted. Don't change your self too much, still be yourself but don't be a slave. 1
EuTuBrute Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 So true... I was a super nice guy to my ex gf for 2.5 years. It got me dumped.. Yeah she ill be back in a few years i know it...but guess what it will be too late. Recently i have been talking to girls with a 0 f*ck attitude and it gets me alot more than being nice.. It sucks i like being nice; but girls take that for weakness. IT'S BS!
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I think there is a delicate balance between being nice and being a doormat. I say don't change the fact that you are nice. That's good. And what kind of RS do you think you will get if you are acting like someone you're not? Just keep some secrets. Some mystery. Don't be so available. So accommodating. Live your life first and foremost. Then be a nice guy and screw her if she doesn't act appropriately back. Make sure she knows the difference between you being nice and you being a doormat. Be a nice guy with boundaries that you will not negotiate on. That's my plan 1
True Gent Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I was everything a partner could be with my ex. I even ended up bankrupt helping support her with a business venture a few years back. I was an emotional rock, a financial rock, made loving gestures daily, respected her, cared for her, Proposed to her, I even supplied all of her meals and cups of tea for 9 years. We were best friends. Where did it get me? Dumped for someone else she's known for a couple of months. Reading these forums it seems a very common trait in women. I wonder how I'll be in a future relationship now after being screwed over. I don't know if the real me will ever surface again, time will tell.
Kopite Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I have to agree with a lot of comments here to be honest. My co-worker is Italian and he must get a different girl every week he goes out. He treats them like objects and only goes for looks. How do women keep on falling for someone like that? It was the same at school when all the big cool guys (who were usually bullies) got the girls. I sometimes despair at how weak women can be sometimes... (Sorry for generalising and I'm sure I sound bitter haha. I love women though).
JDPT Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I've never been too nice neither a doormat. I'll like to think I keep a sweet balance to the best of my ability. 1
ponchsox Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I think there is a delicate balance between being nice and being a doormat. I say don't change the fact that you are nice. That's good. And what kind of RS do you think you will get if you are acting like someone you're not? Just keep some secrets. Some mystery. Don't be so available. So accommodating. Live your life first and foremost. Then be a nice guy and screw her if she doesn't act appropriately back. Make sure she knows the difference between you being nice and you being a doormat. Be a nice guy with boundaries that you will not negotiate on. That's my plan I agree with this. You can still be a nice guy but you have to put your foot down when your boundaries are crossed. As soon as you let them cross over, they lose respect for you and start taking advantage of you. 1
JDPT Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I agree with this. You can still be a nice guy but you have to put your foot down when your boundaries are crossed. As soon as you let them cross over, they lose respect for you and start taking advantage of you. Right they will test you until you either cave or you put your foot down. 2
True Gent Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I agree with this. You can still be a nice guy but you have to put your foot down when your boundaries are crossed. As soon as you let them cross over, they lose respect for you and start taking advantage of you. Yeah I think this is right. I think I've been too soft on my ex during our relationship, she lost respect for me in the end. I know for the next time...
ponchsox Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Yeah I think this is right. I think I've been too soft on my ex during our relationship, she lost respect for me in the end. I know for the next time... I was way too accommodating in my last relationship. I dated a single mom. Yes, I had to sacrifice, but she stopped coming to my house the last 9 months. Granted she lived an hour away, and had a five year old, but I allowed it and she started to expect me to just go to her. I should have said that the arrangement was unnaceptable and she needs to make it work.
SurplusIndifference Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 All girls want a nice guy. Very few girls want a doormat. I've had girls be doormats for me...it was a complete turn off. Felt smothered and like they had nothing going on in their life except me. Don't be a doormat.
Sugarkane Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I feel exactly the same way about my past relationships and I'm female. Why is that? I've also like mystery myself but this has gotten me dumped before also. For some reason being attractive and having mystery doesn't translate well with guys. Why do you always go for the loudmouths and attention seekers?
StyleOnEm Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) The one who cares the least and does the least has all the power in the relationship. You need to make HER invest in the relationship, not you trying to be "nice" all the time. The more she invests in you, the more value she puts on you. And by invest I don't necessarily mean monetary. Think favors and cooking. You know what being overly nice communicates to her? Not that you care so much, but that you're afraid of losing her. You know what that means? She gets put on a pedestal. And it's uncomfortable for her. Don't make it uncomfortable for her. Let her do sh*t for you. Well, at least for your next relationship. Edited January 3, 2014 by StyleOnEm
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 The one who cares the least and does the least has all the power in the relationship. You need to make HER invest in the relationship, not you trying to be "nice" all the time. The more she invests in you, the more value she puts on you. And by invest I don't necessarily mean monetary. Think favors and cooking. You know what being overly nice communicates to her? Not that you care so much, but that you're afraid of losing her. You know what that means? She gets put on a pedestal. And it's uncomfortable for her. Don't make it uncomfortable for her. Let her do sh*t for you. Well, at least for your next relationship. Not sure if it's good, bad or neither, but I think the basic ideas expressed here are sound... At least based on my personal experience. Food for thought
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