Shosh Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I am friends with a great guy, we have known each other for about a year and see each other about once or twice per month. We always do fun things together and I am always looking forward to seeing him. I think he is the sweetest guy ever and probably one of the funniest people I've ever met. We originally met on a dating website and went on two dates. I liked him from the start but immediately got the 'brother' vibe from him and after the second date I told him that I really liked him, but did not think we would work out romantically. He said he felt the same, but thought we had a real connection and lots of fun together and asked if I wanted to be friends. At first I thought he only said that as a way to change my mind about dating, but decided to give it a chance because I really liked him. It's a year later and we have become really close friends, we always do wacky and fun things together and take turns planning our outings. I always have the best time with him and he says he does too. It is all strictly platonic and I often feel like a little kid when we are together, especially since we usually tease each other and often play practical jokes on each other. We both are dating others and I was in a relationship for a few months which he knew about and met my now ex at one point. I've been single for a few months now and back out on the 'dating-scene' and he has been a great friend and given me lots of dating advice. I return the favor and give him advice on his 'relationships'. It all sounds great, doesn't it? But part of me wonders if my feelings for him are really just platonic. I mean, I really like him a lot and I do think he is the funniest and nicest guy out there, and I also think about him a lot and would like to see him more often than now. And I like hugging him and touch him a lot, but then I am very touchy-feely anyway. Maybe I am just not used to having a close male friend, but I am also wondering if I should pull back a little because I am not sure how I feel and I don't want to do anything that might jeopardize our friendship. Anybody have any experience or advice?
deathandtaxes Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 How much do you value his male counsel? A lot? Then just suck it up and keep things as they are, strictly on the level and platonic. I have two female friends that sort of fit this bill. They are very close friends and would be great women to date. But a long time ago I decided that I just would never go down that path. I value their friendship and wisdom more than ever wanting a romantic relationship with them. 1
shinealight Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I like my friend and well i know for a fact i can tell she feels the same way but she is infact in a relationship a dead relationship. My life is rubbish infact i feel rubbish. If you like him tell him how you feel like i did with her. All i can say is goodluck babe
Author Shosh Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 We are going to hang out tomorrow and I am really torn, I don't know whether I should tell him about my feelings or not. On the one hand I am scared about losing his friendship, on the other I can't help wondering if we could be much more than friends. Thoughts?
Frank2thepoint Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 You have to ask yourself, do have feelings that you would also want to have sex with him? This is a serious question, because it will determine your true feelings for him. If you can't see yourself naked with him, then it's platonic. 1
TheGuard13 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I had a pair of friends who liked each other and pulled the "I don't want to lose their friendship" thing in college. They never did anything about it, and now they no longer even speak to each other. If he's a truly decent person, and a real friend, he won't begrudge you finding him attractive. 1
Author Shosh Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 You have to ask yourself, do have feelings that you would also want to have sex with him? This is a serious question, because it will determine your true feelings for him. If you can't see yourself naked with him, then it's platonic. That's a good question. I can't imagine having sex with him. Mostly because I kinda feel for him like for a brother. It is weird. I like him so much and want to spend so much time with him, but I have no desire to rip off his clothes. Is this what a close friendship between a man and a woman feels like? We hung out for the holidays and also exchanged gifts, I had to battle my impulse to say 'I love you' a lot. And I did not mean 'I want you', but really 'I Love you, you mean so much to me'. If sex could be taken out of the equation I would want to be his girlfriend tomorrow. But who knows, maybe I would feel differently if we crossed the line and kissed properly once? Should I distance myself from him a little bit until I get these feelings under control? Does anyone have a close friend of the other sex that they 'love' but in a platonic way? Can men and women really ever be 'just' friends?
Sand Man Dan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 How much do you value his male counsel? A lot? Then just suck it up and keep things as they are, strictly on the level and platonic. I have two female friends that sort of fit this bill. They are very close friends and would be great women to date. But a long time ago I decided that I just would never go down that path. I value their friendship and wisdom more than ever wanting a romantic relationship with them. See I've never understood this. I think that it's a deep-down fear of rejection masked with rationale. A rewarding, fulfilling romantic relationship easily trumps ALL other NON FAMILIAL relationships.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 We hung out for the holidays and also exchanged gifts, I had to battle my impulse to say 'I love you' a lot. And I did not mean 'I want you', but really 'I Love you, you mean so much to me'. If sex could be taken out of the equation I would want to be his girlfriend tomorrow. But who knows, maybe I would feel differently if we crossed the line and kissed properly once? That is for you to decide if you wish to push further and discover you could have romantic interests for him. Maybe you are undecided unless there was a trigger such as a kiss. Do you wish to kiss him? But be careful what you wish for. Also consider, he has feelings as well. You don't want to toy with him. Should I distance myself from him a little bit until I get these feelings under control? Does anyone have a close friend of the other sex that they 'love' but in a platonic way? Can men and women really ever be 'just' friends? If you distance yourself from him, then he may think something is wrong. Then he might end up on these forums asking why his friend is distant. Think through what you want and then talk to him. Ask him if he feels similar to you or how he feels at all. Just communicate.
preraph Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Look, just because your feelings may be deepening doesn't mean you have to go right out and find out if he'd reciprocate or not. Don't risk your friendship by doing that. Sometime when neither of you are seeing someone else, see more of him and maybe cook dinner for him or something where at least it could turn personal if he thinks he wants it to. Dinner and then watch a movie at home and you say you already touch him, so touch him some more and see if he's comfortable with it or if he sort of freezes or finds a way to pull away. Just take it very slow and let you both feel your way and see if you are really comfortable with it or not because I know one thing for sure: Initiate intimate contact with this guy and then decide it freaks you out at the last minute is definitely not going to be be good for your relationship. So you need to take it slow. Because you are not sure. I had a friendship like this for 3 years. He was married. When he and his wife separated heading for divorce, immediately, he wanted to have a full-on relationship. The most physical we had ever been was once in awhile I'd sit on his lap as kind of a joke, but we were very chummy. I thought he was cute, but I was in love with other people the whole time I knew him. We did try a romantic relationship and it was okay for awhile, but my heart just never was in it. Maybe if we'd been romantic from the time we met, it would have been, but I have trouble transitioning from good friends to lovers like that. When it works, it works great though. But your reluctance tells me it could go all wrong. So take it slow. Don't do anything to put him on the spot. If anything is going to happen, it will happen naturally, I think. Don't stop doing the casual touching. 1
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