Is it this hard for all fat women or just me??

[Realist3]

I'm not on the dating scene, but it certainly stands to reason that overweight/fat people have a harder time finding 'the one' because they are limiting the pool of potential prospects, just as would a heavy drinker/smoker/drug addict, you name it. Yes, studies show it certainly pertains to race as well. Studies also find that men are judged by the partner they are able to be with. So, if the man chooses an overweight partner he will likely be judged inferior.

[Oomlotte]

Are there such a thing as flirting classes? I was overweight growing up and not naturally flirty at all. It's not something I picked up on. There's nothing worse than seeing the absolute horror and fear in a guys eyes when he thinks a chubby girl might have a crush on him.

 

Not sure what happened between high school and adulthood, but the rail thin girls from high school in my region have all morphed into overweight/obese women seemingly overnight and they don't have trouble finding husbands. Literally every adult married woman I know in my city is overweight/obese.

 

So that leaves me... still overweight but not obese, in very good health/shape despite my lbs, frequent gymgoer (recently was able to deadlift over my bodyweight, been a goal of mine for a good while!!). And horribly leery and suspicious of men who show me interest, worried that they are the kind of creeps who thought fat girls were easy back in high school. Nooooo thannkkssss!

 

Dating as a fat girl is tough, but I see flirty fun girls succeed all the time. Unfortunately I turned out suspicious, not coy at all, and with too much of an interest in "manly" things to seem flirty and girly and cute.

 

I absolutely relate to not knowing how/ being horrified to show interest. I also assume no one is interested in me because I am literally always wrong when I think they are, lol! I am very suspicious of attention as in my youth it was usually followed by laughter or the embarrassed objections of the friend who was supposedly into me. Additionally all my girlfriends would plead - literally plead - with me to not share my feelings for some guy because surely Id be rejected. And Im sure I would have.

 

As an aside this thread has convinced me to simply avoid dating until Im done losing weight, lol!

[StalwartMind]

To some people it may be an important factor that you are not over/under weight, as well as countless of other "visual" factors. Those people are the ones you should by all means most likely ignore, as somewhere down the road it'll just be trouble.

 

There's no reason any woman (or man) should stop herself from dating or pursuing her quest to find the ideal partner, especially if it's about your looks. If no one can appreciate you, for who you are, how you look then honestly once again they are not the right person for you.

 

We're all going to end up looking "worse" with age, and to be honest, I dislike even writing that, as plenty of elders are very handsome still, but yeah I guess that's a tabu to even say. Forbid me for even remotely thinking there might be couples out there in their 80s or even older that still love each other and enjoy spending time, can laugh, cry, smile and be silly together.

 

In all seriousness, I can assure you that there are some amazing men out there, whom would fall for you just as you are and would support you in whichever endeavor you alone or together undertake, now finding of course is the challenge. No matter what, as with anything and everything in life, take things you read, see, are told as information and decide for yourself how you make best use of it.

[Mrlonelyone]

To the OP let me ask the following.

 

Would you date a man in the same shape as you are?

 

 

For my part I am turned off by women who are too fat or too thin. For a while last year I was involved with a young woman who for me the thought was usually she nice but she's so so thin. The best thing I could see was her eating donuts and gaining a bit.

[Oomlotte]

To the OP let me ask the following.

 

Would you date a man in the same shape as you are?

 

Absolutely - and I have. I am not really wrapped up in looks as I can never explain why I am attracted to people - it's an energy thing. I just like them. I think I'm a bit of an anomaly in that regard. I honestly do not care what a person's body looks like. I think that's why my scenario is doubly frustrating, lol! I cannot fathom why people are so wrapped up in appearances - this is also probably why I find just for sex situations so unfulfilling, ha ha ha.

[Lady2163]

First off - the off topic stuff...

 

When I was in military entry/basic training/boot camp, I was in the best shape of my life...and I weighed 146 pounds and was a size 10.

 

The lowest I've ever been in my adult life was 137 and I was a size 8. I looked bad - too skinny.

 

The rough sizing chart...

 

Extra Small sizes are 0,1,3,5

 

Small sizes are 7 and 9

 

Medium is usually 10 and 12

 

Large 14 and 16

 

Extra large and plus sizes start at size 18

 

Marilyn Monroe was a size 10.

In the mid to late 1990s, Rosie ODonnell (her talk show era) was NOT wearing plus sizes. She often mentioned shopping at stores that did not carry above a size 16.

 

I say all this because for me to be a size 6, I would probably be at least 10 pounds underweight...which is not healthy, either. I don't find bony attractive in men or women.

 

Recently I had plastic surgery. After I had undressed and the doctor completed the exam he said, "I have to tell you, the are women who spend a lot of money to have legs and arms like you do.". What do you do?

 

During good weather I bicycle 150 miles a week. I do my own yardwork, which entails shoveling a lot of snow and raking more than 50 bags of leaves.

 

So, yea me...I have muscular legs and arms. But I figure I will always be 15 - 20 pounds heavier than I should be because of it.

 

But I am obese, overweight. I actually had a blind date encounter where I swear the man (aged 49 and tubby) had it very visible in his eyes, " I could do better". He probably couldn't.

 

What I plan to do differently this year (other than lose 1 pound a week) is this:

 

I am going to tan. Tan flab looks better than pale flab. (joke)

I am going to break down and get highlights for my hair.

I am going to get my makeup professionally applied.

I am going to get some flattering clothes and have updated pictures showing the whole body view (clothed, people) on my OLD profile.

 

And that's really the best you can do, other than lose weight. Make sure your skin is in good shape, your teeth are nice, have someone help you with the best hairstyle and makeup for you. Oh - and get fitted for a new bra at a professional place. It does make a difference. I kind of hate that it does, though.

[amaysngrace]

People have different preferences. But most healthy people won't want to be with people who can't even take care themselves.

 

Who'd want to sign up for that?!!

[Oomlotte]

People have different preferences. But most healthy people won't want to be with people who can't even take care themselves.

 

Who'd want to sign up for that?!!

 

I'd like to reiterate that my post is not about asking people whether they would date fat people or what they think of fat people but rather if it is as difficult for other fat women on the dating scene and it sounds like it is....

[PJKino]

i really dislike the "at least you can lose the weight".

 

it really doesnt work that way or else there wouldn't be fat people left in this world, you know

 

will have a contest,you try to lose weight and ill try to grow taller well see who accomplishes their goal first and determine whats harder to do

[GemmaUK]

I was told once by a guy that he wouldn't have dated me if I had been 2 stone/28lb heavier.

I weigh 8stone/112lb and I'm a dress size 8UK/4US and have been the same weight and size for the past ten years.

 

The funny thing was that he was 4st/56lb overweight.

 

I was speechless.

He didn't see any irony in it.

[irc333]

I'm not typically obsessed with appearances like some men, because I don't mind a woman with some chunk in her figure. A lot of men, at least in my area, find that a turn off for them...even a mild form of "chunk".

 

I recall a man looking at a bunch of women at a Meetup event and said to me, "Man, a lot of fat women here". Now I looked and thought, "Um...where??" LOL

 

Most were average builds at best, some rather "curvy", but not all that bad, at least in my eyes, but I saw some that had some extra on them, but I guess they carried it well or something, but to THAT guy.....he thought they were all fat.

 

So see, it shows that I'm a bit less shallow than a lot of men, and sometimes consider the overall picture, too when dating. I recall one woman that I had a lot in common with. She was rather heavy set, but had an adorable smile and dimples. And her eyes just sparkled.

 

She had a lot in common with me, too. But turns out, she wasn't interested. *Shrug* go figure. BUT, I guarantee if she had met me in person, she'd might be willing to date me.

 

I might as well contact the 10s (the ones where most guys think are hot) . If I"m to be rejected....by might as well by by the 10s and not the 5s. LOL

 

What I find with overweight women, esp. when online dating....they too, have unrealistic expectations. You'd be surprised at the amount of overweight women had not replied or say, "Sorry, not interested" responses I've gotten.

 

You know there's something wrong when they do that. LOL

[PJKino]

 

 

And many many many men overinflate their attractiveness value (statistical proof of this) and they'll shoot for the ten on the 1 in 10000 chance that they'll get her. Figuring if they do it 10000 times they will end up with a ten, despite the fact that the ten has 10000 guys all doing the same thing.

 

Just because some men go for women more attractive then themselves doesnt mean they think theyre more attractive then they are it just means theyre attracted to pretty women and figure why not give it a shot.

 

If women were the majority pursuers im sure theyd do the same and not just approach guys on their "level" but good looking men,you see that dynamic play out on old alot with women going for guys out of their league so its not just men.

 

Plus men are always fed the line that looks dont matter that much to women which we all know is bs,looks dont matter much to women who cant afford to have them matter much because of lack of options not because women are such moral bastions who look on the inside of a person more then men.

[amaysngrace]

I'd like to reiterate that my post is not about asking people whether they would date fat people or what they think of fat people but rather if it is as difficult for other fat women on the dating scene and it sounds like it is....

 

Yes and it's because people don't want to sign up for that.

 

I don't know why you have to ask others. It's pretty much common sense that healthy people want healthy partners.

 

Now if both people are healthy and one falls ill after they've been together for a while it's totally different.

 

So yeah, it's going to be difficult. Unless a person is near death. Then they'd probably have quite a few suitors....

[oldshirt]

As an aside this thread has convinced me to simply avoid dating until Im done losing weight, lol!

 

 

 

I think that is a mistake for several reasons.

 

 

- if everyone waited until they had the perfect bod, no one would ever date.

 

 

- dating is a skillset just like everything else, you develop skills as you do it and either you use it or lose it. You can lose the weight and then you will just be an awkward, uncomfortable skinny chick. a lot of former fat chicks have a lot trouble adapting and still feel awkward and distrusting and have trouble dealing with the newfound male attention if they didn't date much and then suddenly have to deal with all this new male attention.

 

 

- then here is the biggie -

 

 

if you disappear for a year and come back as a skinny chick you will be getting male attention and men hitting on you that you hadn't had before. That will just reinforce your belief that no one liked you as an over weight woman. That's a complex disorder but its very real. Lots of women that have lost tons of weight have gotten truly pissed off at the men who now are attracted to them and the women have become very embittered about it and did not trust or respect the men.

 

 

this is a little complex but try to stay with me here. As you have stated in your first post, you are not devoid of male attention, just none are working out. Ok stay with me here - if you continue to stay on the dating market and continue to date and interact personally with men during your weight loss, you will see that there are men interested in you and willing to interact with you at every size. some will click and some will not but you will see that at every size, you do have male attention and interaction.

 

 

Ok now lets say you go live in a cave on a mountain for a year and you come back all hot and skinny. now you will have male attention from guys that never gave you the time of day before. You will dig that initially but in short order you will realize that they weren't talking to you before and you will get royally pissed off because you will still feel like the same person you were before and now here are guys that wouldn't give you the time of day fat getting all googally eyed over you.

 

 

It seems contradictory I know because one of the reasons you want to lose weight is so guys will be googally eyed over you. but it's a true phenomenon nonetheless.

 

 

However if you continue to put yourself out there, continue to date, continue to remain sexually active, continue to have male friends etc as the weight comes off, you will see that there are men that like and appreciate you at any size, it's just that it is a different set of men that liked you fat vs that like you skinny.

 

 

If you continue to date and be involved with men during the weight loss, you will be less likely to have the former-fat-girl-syndrome and the bitterness and distrust that comes with it. and as you will have more experience and skill and competence in dating, when the weight comes off and you do start getting more male attention, you won't just be an awkward and uncomfortable skinny chick.

[oldshirt]

.

 

 

 

I am going to tan. Tan flab looks better than pale flab. (joke)

.

 

 

 

That's no joke. That is very true. tan fat does look a lot better that glowing white fat.

 

 

Probably my single greatest turn on is bikini tanlines. If some gal has a nice tan but white tanlined boobs, I'm just a bowl of quivering jelly in her hands.

 

 

Even if she is overweight.

[oldshirt]

 

 

 

.

 

What I plan to do differently this year (other than lose 1 pound a week) is this:

 

I am going to tan. Tan flab looks better than pale flab. (joke)

I am going to break down and get highlights for my hair.

I am going to get my makeup professionally applied.

I am going to get some flattering clothes and have updated pictures showing the whole body view (clothed, people) on my OLD profile.

 

And that's really the best you can do, other than lose weight. Make sure your skin is in good shape, your teeth are nice, have someone help you with the best hairstyle and makeup for you. Oh - and get fitted for a new bra at a professional place. It does make a difference. I kind of hate that it does, though.

 

 

I want to really emphasize this.

 

 

There are some very attractive and sexy women in the world that happen to be overweight.

 

 

The things mention above her go a lllllooooooooooooonnnngggg ways in determining someone's desirability.

 

 

I have been with some women that were upwards to 50lbs overweight but they were still smoking hot babes because of the things mentioned here.

 

 

If some extra poundage is your only gig and all these other things are in order, you are still in the game. The problem a lot of people have is not only are they overweight but they let the rest of themselves go too and don't even try to polish up.

 

 

If you are approaching 100lbs overweight, your full attention and energies needs to be devoted to getting healthy so you can function and don't fall apart and die.

 

 

But if you are in the 20-50lb overweight range a good hair style, tan, teeth whitening, mani/pedicure, and quality, stylish clothes and accessories go a long, long, long ways.

[Eau Claire]

There are 50 women in a room. 50 males. 45 guys are thinking about the same 5 gals . Hint these are not the overweight women.

 

Perhaps 2 or 3 guys are attracted to the big girl.

 

So, yes, there is always the guy who may be attracted but for the most part big women need to lose weight and stop the mutual 'it's ok , denial'. Guys are visual...accept it.

 

Want a man? Keep fit, don't smoke or abuse your body, smile. The exact things that make you more attractive are the things you should do even if you could have any man with a snap of the fingers.

[Weezy1973]

OP - are you attracted to fat men? Couples tend to be very alike in terms of their physical attractiveness. My obese friend dates fat women, and is now in a relationship with an obese woman. They both love food and hate exercise so have similar (albeit unhealthy) values. It works for them.

 

If you are attracted to fat men, I don't see why you have problems dating. If on the other hand you want a fit or slim man, you will find it much more difficult.

[dreamingoftigers]

Just because some men go for women more attractive then themselves doesnt mean they think theyre more attractive then they are it just means theyre attracted to pretty women and figure why not give it a shot.

 

If women were the majority pursuers im sure theyd do the same and not just approach guys on their "level" but good looking men,you see that dynamic play out on old alot with women going for guys out of their league so its not just men.

 

Plus men are always fed the line that looks dont matter that much to women which we all know is bs,looks dont matter much to women who cant afford to have them matter much because of lack of options not because women are such moral bastions who look on the inside of a person more then men.

 

Actually, it's been statistically proven that men as a general rule overinflate their attractiveness and "what they have to offer" a partner.

 

Everytime I think about that, it reminds me of this guy in Highschool that i rode the bus with who was smiled at by a woman he literally crashed right into.

 

Then he said to me and one other girl "did you see the way that she looked at me? She wanted my Jamaican sausage."

 

The girl had only looked at him and smiled in a way that suggested she understood he just not have meant to do that or something. I think she was also embarrassed, not "checking him out."

 

That was the first time I met him. One time he told me that he knew I wanted his "Jamaican sausage" really bad. But he "wasn't into fat chicks." I was revolted by him. (Not because of his fat comment, whatever). He disgusted me on a base level as it was and could never stop talking about his frigging penis and how every girl in a six block radius "wanted it so bad." What they would want it for i have no idea. I don't even think I could actually eat a real Jamaican sausage to this day because of him.

 

But it totally remindse of some LS posters. "This chick sat down three seats away from me at the medical office and I knew I could totally tap that. If she want into me, she would've sat four seats away. Women, they think you can't see this stuff when it's "so obvious." ":lmao:

[oldshirt]

There are 50 women in a room. 50 males. 45 guys are thinking about the same 5 gals . Hint these are not the overweight women.

 

Perhaps 2 or 3 guys are attracted to the big girl.

 

So, yes, there is always the guy who may be attracted but for the most part big women need to lose weight and stop the mutual 'it's ok , denial'. Guys are visual...accept it.

 

Want a man? Keep fit, don't smoke or abuse your body, smile. The exact things that make you more attractive are the things you should do even if you could have any man with a snap of the fingers.

 

 

 

There are 50 men in a room and 50 women. all 50 of the women are looking at the tallest, buffest, best looking and highest social status man.

 

 

None are checking out the short, pudgy, bald, passive guy with the glasses.

 

 

Even the fat women rebuff the short pudgy guy if the tall, handsome guy is in range.

 

 

Hypergamy exists in men but is much more pronounced in women.

[Scales]

Actually, it's been statistically proven that men as a general rule overinflate their attractiveness and "what they have to offer" a partner.

 

Everytime I think about that, it reminds me of this guy in Highschool that i rode the bus with who was smiled at by a woman he literally crashed right into.

 

Then he said to me and one other girl "did you see the way that she looked at me? She wanted my Jamaican sausage."

 

The girl had only looked at him and smiled in a way that suggested she understood he just not have meant to do that or something. I think she was also embarrassed, not "checking him out."

 

That was the first time I met him. One time he told me that he knew I wanted his "Jamaican sausage" really bad. But he "wasn't into fat chicks." I was revolted by him. (Not because of his fat comment, whatever). He disgusted me on a base level as it was and could never stop talking about his frigging penis and how every girl in a six block radius "wanted it so bad." What they would want it for i have no idea. I don't even think I could actually eat a real Jamaican sausage to this day because of him.

 

But it totally remindse of some LS posters. "This chick sat down three seats away from me at the medical office and I knew I could totally tap that. If she want into me, she would've sat four seats away. Women, they think you can't see this stuff when it's "so obvious." ":lmao:

 

Everyone overinflates their looks. Men also always bring more to a relationship. They are the ones who have to approach, entertain, have money, be well groomed, have hobbies aside from watching netflix, and smell good. Women need looks and hygiene. There are plenty of jobless, not funny, hobbyless women who land tycoon husbands because of their image, body, and social skills. Those roles are not reversable. My point is that women require a total package while men often require a hot body they don't mind talking to.

 

Also they think that girl at the medical center will sleep with them because they probably will. Its called picking up signals. Its just that most men ruin their chances when they open their mouths/never approach.

[xxoo]

There are 50 women in a room. 50 males. 45 guys are thinking about the same 5 gals . Hint these are not the overweight women.

 

Perhaps 2 or 3 guys are attracted to the big girl.

 

So, yes, there is always the guy who may be attracted but for the most part big women need to lose weight and stop the mutual 'it's ok , denial'. Guys are visual...accept it.

 

Want a man? Keep fit, don't smoke or abuse your body, smile. The exact things that make you more attractive are the things you should do even if you could have any man with a snap of the fingers.

 

There are 50 men in a room and 50 women. all 50 of the women are looking at the tallest, buffest, best looking and highest social status man.

 

 

None are checking out the short, pudgy, bald, passive guy with the glasses.

 

 

Even the fat women rebuff the short pudgy guy if the tall, handsome guy is in range.

 

 

Hypergamy exists in men but is much more pronounced in women.

 

Both of these assume nobody in the room knows anyone else. Put them in the same vicinity every day for 2 months (simulating a work or school environment), and crushes will develop in unexpected places.

 

OP, look around. I'm sure you will find women of all shapes and sizes in relationships. Yes, lose the extra weight; it's not doing you any favors in life. But a lot of it comes down to being confident and sexy in attitude, and making men feel like a million bucks.

[PJKino]

Actually, it's been statistically proven that men as a general rule overinflate their attractiveness and "what they have to offer" a partner.

 

Everytime I think about that, it reminds me of this guy in Highschool that i rode the bus with who was smiled at by a woman he literally crashed right into.

 

Then he said to me and one other girl "did you see the way that she looked at me? She wanted my Jamaican sausage."

 

The girl had only looked at him and smiled in a way that suggested she understood he just not have meant to do that or something. I think she was also embarrassed, not "checking him out."

 

That was the first time I met him. One time he told me that he knew I wanted his "Jamaican sausage" really bad. But he "wasn't into fat chicks." I was revolted by him. (Not because of his fat comment, whatever). He disgusted me on a base level as it was and could never stop talking about his frigging penis and how every girl in a six block radius "wanted it so bad." What they would want it for i have no idea. I don't even think I could actually eat a real Jamaican sausage to this day because of him.

 

But it totally remindse of some LS posters. "This chick sat down three seats away from me at the medical office and I knew I could totally tap that. If she want into me, she would've sat four seats away. Women, they think you can't see this stuff when it's "so obvious." ":lmao:

 

Youre one bizare story proves nothing,i can show you old sites where fat women are looking for good looking men over 6 feet so what.

 

Ive been overlooked my whole life mostly because of looks women are no better then men

[Lady2163]

That's no joke. That is very true. tan fat does look a lot better that glowing white fat.

 

 

Probably my single greatest turn on is bikini tanlines. If some gal has a nice tan but white tanlined boobs, I'm just a bowl of quivering jelly in her hands.

 

 

Even if she is overweight.

 

I should have said (tongue in cheek) rather than (joke) because I do believe tan looks healthier than the paleness that is me.

 

Someone else asked the OP if they liked obese men.

 

I prefer my men to be...around 20 pounds over what most doctors would li,e them to be. A little overweight, but not John Goodman.

 

Gil Grissom from CSI, that's the body type I like.

[dichotomy]

I feel like it's impossible to find a guy who is interested in me as a partner. I can find guys to **** me and I can find guys to be my friend but I can't find that all in one. It's like no man has romantic interest in me and I'm not sure how to find it - is it really just the fat? I see women heavier than I who have relationships - certainly fat men find love. Why not me?? I'm attractive, smart, funny, loyal, honest - it's like what gives? Deeply frustrating. I'm losing weight now primarily because I think I won't find it if I don't.

 

What do people think? I did a search and didn't see anything about fat dating, etc.

 

 

I don't know what fat/big/plus size means to you or others (men or women).

 

I suspect when I tell you I like plus size or curvey women - you won't know what I mean by that either. Its all relative at least in my case.

 

You date larger guys too or maybe some not so hot guys?

 

Also as oldshirt mentioned plenty of women (of all shapes and sizes) complain about pump and dump, or men unwilling to committ.

Edited January 9, 2014 by dichotomy