monkeyshaman Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Hello all, Short version at bottom Thanks first of all for anyone with some advice as I am in a bit of a dilemma with my current gf. We have been together for about 9 months and she is 8 years younger then me at 23. We have both had more reckless pasts with cheating and other sorts of things but talked about this before we got together (as friends before potential of a relationship). We seemed to be on the same page about where we want to go and what we wanted for ourselves in terms of relationship. Now she maintained relationships from some of these random sexual partners and I said that it was unacceptable for me in a relationship to do so and she agreed then dropped them. Every once in a while she talks to some other guy and when I ask her about it she would get really angry saying I was being jealous when I just wanted to know who this person was. She would tell me if it was a girl on her own. I told her the importance of being open and honest with me in a relationship and she agreed. Now she has a current male friend who she talks to quite often. Not really anything bad that I know of but sometimes I just want her to hang out with me without texting or going on fb. It also seems any time I am busy she runs and talks to this guy. Also she gets jealous at me quite a bit and almost every time she get jealous ends up running to talk to some guy (they are interchangeable IMO) almost like she needs to feel a guy paying attention to her when she needs it. Now nearly every time she gets jealous I make the effort to make her feel loved and close but any time I do she gets so upset. And its not like I yell at her I usually just ask who shes talking to and what about, as if it was any friend of hers with no anger or anything in my voice that I can tell. Her last bf was real controlling so I do feel she may be mirroring that on me. She this all makes me question her sincerity in the relationship. If she still needs constant male attention then I can't be on her 24/7 and still live a life. If she always has these male friends around then the chances of any of them liking her are pretty high and she refuses to accept that that is possible, like playing ignorance. Shes had poor boundaries in the past and I am doing my best to cope with my own jealousy but she isn't helping by getting so pissed of any time I slip just a bit or ask her anything about the guys. I am afraid that she just my be to young or rather to insecure to be in a serious relationship because of her own jealousy and need to male comfort. I have tried to talk with her about it but I almost always end up doing all the talking or just get accused of being a jealous jerk. I am just not sure if we can last if she is jealous of me all the time and then runs off to other guys for comfort then gets pissed when I say something about it. Short version. My gf seems to need to have male attention any time she is stressed. It used to be sexual in nature (before our relationship and in the beginning) but she seems to have curbed that, now just the attention seems enough. Any time she gets jealous she says whet ever she wants and I try to be understanding but when I get jealous she calls me a controlling jerk or gets real upset like there is a double standard because of her last "controlling" relationship (where she did cheat might I add). She tells me she loves me but seems to run to males when she feels threatened and refuses to believe that they might have an interest in her. All of these things combined make me feel like she is such a high risk GF. Am I just being really insecure and jealous or is she just playing things to her advantage to do whatever she wants and any negative feeling are my fault. I am just really confused. Now there are a lot of good things with our relationship. Our sex life is really good, she does things for me (cook, clean, holds me, kisses me, buys me things) and I her (take her places, kiss her, buy her things, talk about our lives together....) and we do everything we can together so I don't want this to seem like the jealousy bouncing back and forth is the only thing happening. I'm just lost when it comes to her and this stupid jealousy that is on both sides and whether or not it warrants us ending things.
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