Mark-one Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 done this in the last 2 LTR relationships, first was 6 years and the second 3 years long both times i "thought" i would be ok if they ended as i thought i wasn't in love or they weren't "the one" and i'd just get on with life (but i felt love towards both women, cared for them and enjoyed being with them) anyway as soon as the relationship ends and i finally realise it's ended i start to feel my love and want them back and the pain really kicks in sleepless nights and gut renching feelings / can't concentrate / moods up and down why don't i feel love and want to tell them when i was with them? why do i feel it too late? i so want to work it out as can't do it again... 1
David87 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 done this in the last 2 LTR relationships, first was 6 years and the second 3 years long both times i "thought" i would be ok if they ended as i thought i wasn't in love or they weren't "the one" and i'd just get on with life (but i felt love towards both women, cared for them and enjoyed being with them) anyway as soon as the relationship ends and i finally realise it's ended i start to feel my love and want them back and the pain really kicks in sleepless nights and gut renching feelings / can't concentrate / moods up and down why don't i feel love and want to tell them when i was with them? why do i feel it too late? i so want to work it out as can't do it again... Me 2 brother, I feel the same. How long does the pain last ?
mammasita Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I'm taking a stab here since I don't know your age, but maybe you haven't matured enough emotionally yet? It's a great start that you realize what you're doing though.
Author Mark-one Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 i'm 41 parents split up when i was 18 and i felt blamed for it and thought i caused it, found out when i was 29 it wasn't my fault and that was a huge relief after talking with mum (talked to mum after 1st relationship ended as i felt pain and unresolved issues connected with her) i do have commitment issues, like i want to let go and love and be in a committed relationship but something holds me back then when i've lost them and it's too late i really feel my love towards them and the pain of loseing them last relationship ended recently and i really feel how much i'd like to be in a committed relationship now (didn't feel like this before, just wanted to date)
mammasita Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Have you tried counseling? If not that, take a look at some self help books. Bottom line is there's something buried deep in that mind of yours that you need to deal with and set free before you can fully commit to another person.
Kopite Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 i'm 41 parents split up when i was 18 and i felt blamed for it and thought i caused it, found out when i was 29 it wasn't my fault and that was a huge relief after talking with mum (talked to mum after 1st relationship ended as i felt pain and unresolved issues connected with her) i do have commitment issues, like i want to let go and love and be in a committed relationship but something holds me back then when i've lost them and it's too late i really feel my love towards them and the pain of loseing them last relationship ended recently and i really feel how much i'd like to be in a committed relationship now (didn't feel like this before, just wanted to date) Are you really missing THEM or are you missing being in a relationship with someone (anyone)? It's worth thinking about 2
smuggy95 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 i think it's natural to notice that you miss something from the relationship, but you don't remember the bad stuff that cancelled all the good stuff. but there may be an element of you just not connecting well or walling yourself off, or denying yourself feelings of love- many things to explore.
polynomial Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 there is a saying "you don't know what you've got till it's gone". 1
Author Mark-one Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Have you tried counseling? If not that, take a look at some self help books. Bottom line is there's something buried deep in that mind of yours that you need to deal with and set free before you can fully commit to another person. i have thought this also, something buried deep but i have no idea what have had 2 lots of counseling 10 years apart, read self help books Starting Over by John Gray is good, there's a section called the 90/10 feeling which explains that 90% of pain felt in the present is connected to pain in the past and 10% is the present pain i had this with my first relationship when it ended as i realised i had unresolved issues with my mum so i talked to her and sorted it - fantastic! and thought i was cured but i still have commitment issues ie: i won't move in and live with someone. i think this is connected to abandonment when i was 18 when my parents split and my mum left so now i find it hard to move in and live with someone as i fear loving them and think they will abandon me and leave...just like when mum left just a thought now i have realised this when i next meet someone and feel these fears coming up and can overcome them and let myself go...well that's the plan anyway!
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