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What if your cheating spouse says, it means nothing and he loves you...?

nicepuzzle

By nicepuzzle
in Infidelity

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nicepuzzle Established Member

nicepuzzle

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A serial cheater spouse says that he loves you and all the romours affairs dont mean anythng. Will you belive and stay. What can you say about these kind of cheaters who dont have one but multiple women and they always go back to spouse and spouses accept them?

dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

Posted
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A serial cheater spouse says that he loves you and all the romours affairs dont mean anythng. Will you belive and stay. What can you say about these kind of cheaters who dont have one but multiple women and they always go back to spouse and spouses accept them?

 

I would ask them to define what it means to love someone.

  • Like 4
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
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Serial cheaters don't change. Even if it "means nothing" to him, it means something to you because you got hurt & your spouse didn't care enough about you to prevent you from getting hurt by remaining faithful.

 

 

Actions speak louder then words. Your next action should be to consult a divorce lawyer.

  • Like 3
waterwoman Established Member

waterwoman

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If he has said 'it meant nothing' I would have been insulted - to have caused me this much pain for NOTHING?!! What kind of monster are you? Truth be told it hurt to think he loved her too but that isn't as bad as thinking I was married to a facile selfish sh*t who would have an affair just for fun. I did beleive he loved me - never doubted that. Just chose an odd way to demonstrate it for 6 months.....

  • Like 6
RightThere Established Member

RightThere

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My STBXW is a serial cheater. And early on she would always tell me "they don't mean anything."

 

That is a total crock.

 

They do mean something, that is why they keep doing it. It gives them attention they desire, excitement of doing bad things, and a temporary ego boost.

 

They'll tell you it doesn't mean anything because they feel better if they look at it as an addiction. They can't help themselves. It's out of their control. It just happened.

 

It always means something. Serial cheaters just lie to themselves that it doesn't mean anything so they aren't really terrible people.

  • Like 5
dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

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It is one of the stupidest and most insulting lines to hear from a cheater.

 

Especially after the effort and time it takes to screw around.

 

Of you out that kind of effort, expense, flattery and sexual drive toward "nothing." Then to you I must have been "less than nothing." Which is why you probably didn't even consider me in the equation to begin with.

  • Like 2
Oldspiceywolf Established Member

Oldspiceywolf

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They don't mean nothing, they mean security and ego boosting for people who have low self esteem and no ability to practice monogomy.my two friends who are serial cheaters say they get incredible feelings of power from cheating and they are constantly being put down by their wives at home. Coincidentally enough, both of theses guys have ADHD and don't take medication. They have always been pu$$y hounds and the only different now is they have families and have to hide their behavior. They've always been this way since 16.

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imagine Established Member

imagine

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Nicepuzzle,

 

The missing puzzle piece is disrespect. Truly, the offended partner is not part of the equation.

 

These words are of non value meaning: Other examples -"Don't take this personally" when a gangster breaks your finger. "Welcome sign" at at a bank. "This will be your lucky number" at a gambling joint.

 

Sorry friend, this is not new English.

  • Like 2
Spectre Established Member

Spectre

Posted
Posted (edited)

This isn't rocket science guys: if he says it means nothing and he still loves you he is full of crap. It is pretty much that simple, come on now. People in love don't behave this way. People who accept this excuse are just deluding themselves to the overall truth of the matter.

Edited by Spectre
  • Like 1
krazikat Established Member

krazikat

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She (the BS) has her reasons girl...you shouldnt focus on her. You participated in the affair knowing he was married...you also already knew he was a cheat and a liar...so why did you do it? You previously said because he was good at wooing you...could it be he woos her, too? Focus on your own reasons that you accepted being an ow...you will never be able to change her decisions, so instead focus on helping yourself....

 

To answer your question from my perspective, I wouldnt stay with a serial cheater...but whether I stayed or not would not be any business of the ow.

  • Like 2
whatatangledweb Established Member

whatatangledweb

Posted
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We had a friend who was a serial cheater years ago. When he said it meant nothing , he didn't mean he didn't get anything from it.(he liked the ego boosts) He told us that they never threatned his marriage. He wouldn't run off with one of them or stop loving his wife. They were side distractions and nothing more. Screwed up thinking which was what I told him back then.

 

It was painful for his wife. He kept it mainly hidden. She stayed because she loved him. It wasn't for any other reason. He stopped when we became friends with his wife. My husband worked with him so he couldn't do it there any more. He was a pig for doing that to her. She is a wonderful person to him and everyone else. He took her for granted and she really deserved someone who saw her value.

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nicepuzzle Established Member

nicepuzzle

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I feel staying with this kind of men is encouraging their behaviour, love or not. His point is that if she doesnt know its fine and its not hurting, plus he thinks, since his marriage is dead and he is sacrificing for the kids he deserves to live his life. He is not dead yet. Thats what he told me. I stayed with him since I thought he is lonely and not a pig at heart and needs me and would change. But he didnt. Even after 6 years of NC when he met met he was was emotional and deeply in love with me but still had wandering eyes. He just couldnt help checking out other women. My dad was like that and I saw my mom very insecure all her life.

 

These kind of men love their families and value systems but has too low of self esteem and need constant ego boost from attention. To top all it he wasnt even a good lover in bed and felt guilty for doing that. Felt guilty for cheating, felt guilty for being in love and even felt guilty that I was single and wasting my time for him. He had only regrets. He also controlled and held back all the time so he doesnt fall in love to the point of no return. I feel a very weak man with the outlook of macho stud he showed from outside. Sad.

  • Like 1
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
What if your cheating spouse says, it means nothing and he loves you...?

 

1. He believes it, exhibiting complete oblivion to how his actions are perceived by his spouse. Men who are good at compartmentalizing can do this effectively and sincerely.

 

2. It works. If a serial cheater, each iteration hones the edge of the knife. It gets sharper over time.

  • Like 1
beach Established Member

beach

Posted
Posted
I feel staying with this kind of men is encouraging their behaviour, love or not. His point is that if she doesnt know its fine and its not hurting, plus he thinks, since his marriage is dead and he is sacrificing for the kids he deserves to live his life. He is not dead yet. Thats what he told me. I stayed with him since I thought he is lonely and not a pig at heart and needs me and would change. But he didnt. Even after 6 years of NC when he met met he was was emotional and deeply in love with me but still had wandering eyes. He just couldnt help checking out other women. My dad was like that and I saw my mom very insecure all her life.

 

These kind of men love their families and value systems but has too low of self esteem and need constant ego boost from attention. To top all it he wasnt even a good lover in bed and felt guilty for doing that. Felt guilty for cheating, felt guilty for being in love and even felt guilty that I was single and wasting my time for him. He had only regrets. He also controlled and held back all the time so he doesnt fall in love to the point of no return. I feel a very weak man with the outlook of macho stud he showed from outside. Sad.

 

So why stay?

 

An unfulfilling marriage isn't worth staying. Especially when you're expected to act like those lies aren't lies.

VeronicaRoss Established Member

VeronicaRoss

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It's completely possible for someone to feel 'love' for someone they cheat on constantly. The real question is do you want to be with someone that acts that way and can cheat and love at the same time?

janedoe67 Established Member

janedoe67

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The OW doesn't need to be worrying about why a WH is staying or why a BW is staying.

 

She needs to BUTT OUT and get over it.

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