nicepuzzle Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 What would you do about a spouse who denies over and over again even after Dday multiple times. Even after his OW come out in open...? Why would you still stay with such a man?
aliveagain Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 In my case she had O/M's affair child, she even took him to court for child support yet she never confessed to her 2 year affair even when she begged me for another chance. She is now my ex. If they refuse to take responsibility for the disaster they have made of your marriage, they don't deserve another chance because they are not remorseful. Let your lawyer deal with him. 6
whatatangledweb Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 It depends..do I know for a fact he had an affair? Meaning that I had proof. If I had proof or found things that pointed to him having an affair and he kept denying then I would throw his ass out. I told my husband if he wanted her to get out. He didn't. If he had continued I would have went to a lawyer the next day. I give one chance no more. Some people do this because they are not convinced they had an affair or they don't want to believe it. They may want to save their marriage no matter what . It isn't what I would do but they do what it best for them. I don't judge someone for doing it. It's their life. You're the OW right? Did you show the wife proof ?
NotCamelot Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Are you saying the he denies that anything at all happened? You have proof?
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 It depends..do I know for a fact he had an affair? Meaning that I had proof. If I had proof or found things that pointed to him having an affair and he kept denying then I would throw his ass out. I told my husband if he wanted her to get out. He didn't. If he had continued I would have went to a lawyer the next day. I give one chance no more. Some people do this because they are not convinced they had an affair or they don't want to believe it. They may want to save their marriage no matter what . It isn't what I would do but they do what it best for them. I don't judge someone for doing it. It's their life. You're the OW right? Did you show the wife proof ? I personally knew the wife and he wasnt even cheating on her but cheating on me too. He basically had a lot of women who he believed meant nothing since they were only for sex and for business benefits. As per him, his wife was unfaithful and he was stuck in bad marriage and sacrificing for the kids, out of that one kid wasnt even his own. She asked for proof and I gave her but he denied and she didnt ask for more proof. They are still together and I am happy for them but wonder about it and that what kind of relationship is that. I couldnt be with him but I guess she has her social status, kids etc and she is not educated enough to make her career and he is a wealthy man. People have own reasons but I couldnt see him anymore where he has different relationships with different kind of women.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I personally knew the wife and he wasnt even cheating on her but cheating on me too. He basically had a lot of women who he believed meant nothing since they were only for sex and for business benefits. As per him, his wife was unfaithful and he was stuck in bad marriage and sacrificing for the kids, out of that one kid wasnt even his own. She asked for proof and I gave her but he denied and she didnt ask for more proof. They are still together and I am happy for them but wonder about it and that what kind of relationship is that. I couldnt be with him but I guess she has her social status, kids etc and she is not educated enough to make her career and he is a wealthy man. People have own reasons but I couldnt see him anymore where he has different relationships with different kind of women. If she did cheat and have a child out of the marriage she might just view this as "just desserts." If she didn't cheat she might be so damn traumatized by the scope of his cheating and bullcrap that she's just hoping it will stop and that he'll realize how much she stood by him. Or she might be too scared to leave. Perhaps he has convinced her that he can keep the kids from her etc. I know my husband tried that line on me years ago stating my eight year old mental health record. Of course he didn't have a leg to stand on with documented addictions issues. It could have been a real flame war. But I am sure that some husbands pull it. I saw one do it recently to a friend of mine. Màde it very clear to her that he would fight tooth and nail and use her left-behind past to do everything to keep the kids away for her unless she came back RIGHT NOW.
Arieswoman Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Nice puzzle, I wouldn't put up with it. One act of infidelity and his scrawny backside would be in orbit. IMO infidelity doesn't come alone. It brings with it lies and deceit and throws the possibility of STDs in to the mix. I deserve better than that. However, it may not be a dealbreaker for others. I know of 2 women who stayed in marriages despite their husbands having multiple affairs (with different women). One was in total denial, the other believed him everytime he said he wouldn't do it again. Eventually each of the WS left to go with the last OW. This was sad because by the time they were finallydivorced they were of an age where it is more difficult to start dating. There must have been some payoff for them staying in the marriage(s), but I couldn't begin to explain what it was.
yellowmaverick Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 What would you do about a spouse who denies over and over again even after Dday multiple times. Even after his OW come out in open...? Why would you still stay with such a man? Why would you have an affair with such a man? The answer to THAT question would serve you better. 2
whatatangledweb Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I personally knew the wife and he wasnt even cheating on her but cheating on me too. He basically had a lot of women who he believed meant nothing since they were only for sex and for business benefits. As per him, his wife was unfaithful and he was stuck in bad marriage and sacrificing for the kids, out of that one kid wasnt even his own. She asked for proof and I gave her but he denied and she didnt ask for more proof. They are still together and I am happy for them but wonder about it and that what kind of relationship is that. I couldnt be with him but I guess she has her social status, kids etc and she is not educated enough to make her career and he is a wealthy man. People have own reasons but I couldnt see him anymore where he has different relationships with different kind of women. I could not live like that. It seems they both cheat and accept it as normal for them. They stay married for their own reasons, maybe status, money , kids, and they may love each other. I knew a couple like that. Both cheated and they stayed married because they did love each other. They are still married and seem happy. You will never understand why they did it because it wouldn't work for you.
ChooseTruth Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I wouldn't concern myself with someone else's marriage especially if you were the intruder. 4
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Why would you have an affair with such a man? The answer to THAT question would serve you better. I think you didnt read my thread properly. I left him as soon as I found he is screwing multiple pple and his sad story made me have affair with him. He was good in wooing me...
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 I wouldn't concern myself with someone else's marriage especially if you were the intruder. I wasnt intruder I was wooed. Women with self respect dont want a man who sleeps around.... And you are going out of focus away from my real question
LornaFE Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Not admitting a mistake, taking no responsibility for his own actions, giving no sign of remorse? Forget it. Uncurable personality disorder. A second chance for him won't make you happier, at least not long term.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I left him as soon as I found he is screwing multiple pple and his sad story made me have affair with him. He was good in wooing me... But counting you and his wife, weren't you already aware he was screwing multiple people? I don't understand your outrage... Mr. Lucky 5
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 But counting you and his wife, weren't you already aware he was screwing multiple people? I don't understand your outrage... Mr. Lucky I thought they were rumours since when he was with me he looked genuily in love. When confronted he admitted that they didnt mean anythng and I should only look at this feelings and not bother. When he lied even the second time round after years, when I had moved on and accepted my new life, I have had enough...He had no right to step in my life living his old ways...
Mr. Lucky Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I thought they were rumours since when he was with me he looked genuily in love. When confronted he admitted that they didnt mean anythng and I should only look at this feelings and not bother. When he lied even the second time round after years, when I had moved on and accepted my new life, I have had enough...He had no right to step in my life living his old ways... Maybe my comprehension level is low today. You didn't know he was married? Or you didn't think he was happily married enough to still be sleeping with his wife? Mr. Lucky
TheBladeRunner Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I didn't stay. She had/still has no remorse and she blames all 3 a's on me. Ya' can't work with anyone that won't take responsibility for their actions.
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Maybe my comprehension level is low today. You didn't know he was married? Or you didn't think he was happily married enough to still be sleeping with his wife? Mr. Lucky Yes I knew he was married and I didnt want the A. Than he showed he was alone and sad and wife cheated etc.. he worked on wooing me and I believed him. As soon as I confirmed my doubt about his casual affairs I left him. Not once but twice... For some reason I thought he was cheating since he was miserable in his married life. But even after he said he was genuily in love with me he still did that. i didnt cheat on him and gave true unconditional love and made him my life, wasting 6 years of life. I was young and single and could have anybody I wanted. I never has a emotional and pysysically satisfying relationship since i gave myself to him in entirety, trusting believing him completing. He goes NC completly telling me to have a good life where he was sacrificing to letting me go and when I learnt to live without him he shows up after 6 years telling me he always loved me and never moved on, bringing me to the same point, just to leave me again. How selfish is that.
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 I didn't stay. She had/still has no remorse and she blames all 3 a's on me. Ya' can't work with anyone that won't take responsibility for their actions. Good for you. If you stayed she would have had many more. She was walking all over you. She didnt reaspect or love you. Sorry to say that.
rumbleseat Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Yes I knew he was married and I didnt want the A. Than he showed he was alone and sad and wife cheated etc.. he worked on wooing me and I believed him. As soon as I confirmed my doubt about his casual affairs I left him. Not once but twice... For some reason I thought he was cheating since he was miserable in his married life. But even after he said he was genuily in love with me he still did that. i didnt cheat on him and gave true unconditional love and made him my life, wasting 6 years of life. I was young and single and could have anybody I wanted. I never has a emotional and pysysically satisfying relationship since i gave myself to him in entirety, trusting believing him completing. He goes NC completly telling me to have a good life where he was sacrificing to letting me go and when I learnt to live without him he shows up after 6 years telling me he always loved me and never moved on, bringing me to the same point, just to leave me again. How selfish is that. Instead of wondering why his wife stays, I would suggest to you that your time might be better spent in figuring out why you fell for his lines. If you still feel you need to know, I recommend the following exercise. Walk up to a. Mirror, look into it and ask yourself why you chose to get involved with a man that you knew, with one hundred percent certainty, was a cheater. If you fell for his lines, what makes you think she is any different?
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Instead of wondering why his wife stays, I would suggest to you that your time might be better spent in figuring out why you fell for his lines. If you still feel you need to know, I recommend the following exercise. Walk up to a. Mirror, look into it and ask yourself why you chose to get involved with a man that you knew, with one hundred percent certainty, was a cheater. If you fell for his lines, what makes you think she is any different? I agree. I did jsut that. I fell for his lines and may be so did his spouse. he is skilled but his spouse has caught him multiple times. poor her that she gets to stay had no choice. I am freed.
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