polynomial Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I think my ex is a great guy and his heart was in the right place but we were quite awful together when I think of it.. So I'm going back and forth with this one.. On the one hand I think I may just miss having someone and not specifically him. On the other hand, I think of all the ways why we didn't really quite fit and I see sooo much to blame myself for. Maybe if I'd done things differently he woould have acted differently in effect and we would have been great together?
theonlyjuan Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 If it didn't work, it didn't work. You can say stuff like " If I did things different " but you didn't. You probably miss the idea of a relationship more than him. He just wasn't the right one and that is all there is to it. I was the same after my relationship ended. I wasn't 100% sure but I had a feeling I missed the relationship more, now I relaise I was right. Plenty of other people out there who will make you feel different. Don't hang on to your relationship, let go and be positive.
Kalinka1 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 'Coulda shoulda woulda' - thoughts are pointless. It is good to identify mistakes and learn from them, but if you actually think that you'd have to change your core personality in order to be compatible with his, the relationship was doomed from the start.
Author polynomial Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 'Coulda shoulda woulda' - thoughts are pointless. It is good to identify mistakes and learn from them, but if you actually think that you'd have to change your core personality in order to be compatible with his, the relationship was doomed from the start. That's true.. I just see so many things in myself and how i reacted that would make him think that this is not the relationship he wanted. In turn though, I can list a lot of things about him as well. So I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
Kalinka1 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I completely understand as I am having the same thoughts. If only... I didn't go off on him when he threw his tantrum that had nothing to do with me, but sat there and listened and comforted him. If only... I didn't have the habit of walking out of fights and would be able to remain calm and reason with him. If only... but then again: If only he wouldn't throw tantrums / would be open to communication about issues / wouldn't do things that he knows very well upset me / showed me some understanding when I'm having a bad day etc. etc. DOOMED.
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 You are going through the emotions. Most people I would imagine would think of every scenario and what could have been. You do miss him and the relationship, both is okay. In short, you are going through the emotions - we all do. I was where you are right now, over a year ago. Your mind will slowly come to terms with all of this; the worry and thoughts about him or this relationship, will slip away. You too must make an effort. I'd say it is probably a combination of missing him and the relationship.
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