pinkdaisy Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 First off, I'm not sure that this even counts as a break up. I've had long term relationships in the past but this only lasted a couple of months. We met online and just dated to start with, but a few weeks in he was keen to label it and wanted us to be exclusive. At this point I was a little insure as I've been burnt in the past but I took the risk and was really happy. He texted/called every day and the sex was great too. Just before Christmas he seemed to be getting distant so I didn't want to seem clingy and didn't call him out on it. But then I noticed he was active on the site that we met on. I was away over the holidays so asked him via text if it was what he wanted and he eventually replied saying he wasn't sure there was a 'spark' and that he wasn't sure he was over his ex. When I spoke to him I asked him if he wasn't interested anymore but he said it wasn't that. It's really hard to move on when he wont give me a straight answer, I've asked him numerous times is he wants me to leave him alone but he wont answer. I decided to go NC from Jan 1st and it's very unlikely that we'll see each other as he lives a little while away from me. What I find really difficult to deal with is that I'm not good enough for him - or even for him to be straight with me. Before Jan 1st he was regularly logging into the dating site which makes me think the ex thing was just an excuse and that he just doesn't want me. Finding it really hard to even get out of bed and I know my family and friends are despairing of me. Regret dropping my guard and falling for him. Thanks for reading x
d0nnivain Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Your self esteem shouldn't be tied up in somebody you just met OL & don't really even know. Your self esteem has to come from within. What makes you a good person? It's about you, not somebody else. I'm sorry he bailed on you but that's on him, not you. You saw the warning flags when he wanted too much too soon. Chalk it up to him being the problem, not you & move forward. You can do this.
LostConfused123 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 A little over a year ago the exact same thing happened to me and I was pretty bummed out. My self esteem really suffered. I don't even think I was sad over the guy, but my ego and pride were crushed!! I take it back, I was sad about him too. We instantly clicked, the attraction was there, everything. He also became distant, like you I gave him his space. Texted after a while that he obviously felt different and I wish him well. NEVER heard from him again!! I was crushed!!! The really scary thing is how much my self esteem suffered because in reality.(THIS IS NOT MEANT TO SOUND LIKE I'M FULL OF MYSELF!!) But I'm pretty, take care of myself, I exercise, all that stuff but BEYOND THE PHYSICAL. . . I have my own business that I started from nothing and I work Damn hard, I'm an awesome friend, never and I mean never cheated on a man, I'm funny, smart, blah blah blah. . . you get the point. . . and still my self esteem was in the toilet!!! I had to realize and truly BELIEVE it was nothing personal and he's an idiot for letting me go!!! Same with your guy!!! IT'S NOT YOU!!! YOU ARE WONDERFUL!!! it's his loss ( I know, I hate that too) LOL!!!! I eventually met the guy I'm heartbroken over now but my point is, your self esteem with build back up if you stay positive and keep taking care of yourself!! I exercised like a mad woman and that helped immensely. Also, even if it was my day off and I didn't leave the house, I still showered, put on makeup and didn't wear sweat pants. It may seem silly but to me if I look like *****, I feel like *****. Just keep taking care if yourself!!! Stay strong and I'm really sorry for your pain but never forget YOU ARE AWESOME!!! (hugs!) 1
Author pinkdaisy Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Thanks for the replies. It really does help. Lost, I know where you're coming from, I look after myself and have a good job too but think this is the one area of my life that I see a failure. I know i'll get through this, I've come through 'worse' before, guess the key is taking each day as it comes. I know first thing in the morning and last thing at night are the hardest so that's the battle at the moment. Plus when I'm back at work next week I will have a good 8 hours of my day where I'm distracted. Think it's also the being single in the 30's fear. Just need to alter the mindset. So glad to have found this forum though - where's it been all my life!!!
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