confucuse Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 So about 5 months ago a met an amazing girl on a group trip. We hit it off on this trip, i played it cool in the beginning and let her gain my attention. We live about 4 hours apart and were seeing eachother about once every 3 weeks, I went and saw her mostly (she drove down once) because shes a uni student so hard to come down and I have been doing regular trips to her area well before i knew her. We have mostly been texting, If i was working she'd send a text every hour if i didn't reply she seemed quite worried i wouldn't reply and she really put effort into the conversation. about one month in (we would have been on 5 -6 dates by then) i asked her out and she said not yet. Later she told me she had depression and was still very hurt from a previous relationship. suddenly she wasn't putting much effort in texting (she'd still reply really quickly but mostly short texts i still got a lot of long texts though). I did ask her what was going on and she said life was just hard because of home problems but then the texting improved slightly. If i didn't reply she'd still send extra texts and was still showing some interest but it seems i scared her. (or took the challenge of the dating game away) Anyway we carried on and when I'd come up she'd seem to enjoy my company and hung out with me whenever possible, until a month ago. I came up and saw her that night (she invited me over) and then when i left i got a text from her saying she wasn't ready for a relationship and asked if i was still ok with that, i said she could take her time because i understand the hurt she's dealing with (i have a history of being hurt in my childhood by bullying etc which i haven't told her in detail about). We hung out on the sunday and she was in a really bad mood and when i got back to my hometown she was asking me why i seemed so distant and I asked her if her feelings had changed she said she was confused cos her feelings weren't the same. We ended up having a weeks break from talking (she still sent me the occasional snapchat) and then she texted me as soon as the week was over. We talked on the phone the next night she said she was still really confused and then said we should just hang out another weekend so she could decide, i told her no we should back off a bit because she clearly wasn't ready and that i had to look after myself in this as well- she said she understood and we had an agreement that we'd be friends. Now i only agreed because I'm hoping i can fix this (I didn't tell her that, i just told her i'd still be there for her) I also said she can't control feelings (she feels really bad about it) and that it's happened to me a few times where feelings disappear so I understand. I went up to her hometown about a month later and told her i was going to the beach nd that she was welcome to join- she did and invited me to lunch. We went for a swim first and she started play fighting with me. I picked a 4 seat table and she decides to sit next to me (it was a bench with cushions more comfy) and sat with her legs close to mine (and open at times) and then when i showed her something on my phone she sat as close as possible to me. After lunch we parted ways and I didn't really text her at all that weekend, i drove home sunday night and got a text that night saying that she hoped i enjoyed my weekend she sounded quite upset and down during that conversation. So the last couple weeks ive been on holidays from work and have been taking hours to reply to her (sometimes i'll reply every 5 mins) one day i totally didnt text till at night when she sent a text asking in a round about way if I actually wanted to text her we texted bit. A few days later shes now mirroring my texting habits, now she said shes coping really terribly lately (this has been going on since December 2nd (the night we had the phone call where i said we should back off) and shes been hardly doing anything. Sorry this has been so long.. I just want to know am I just misinterpreting her? I figured i had just slipped into the friendzone but sometimes i have doubts.. is she actually testing me to see if I'll push past her resistance.. I know she'd have plenty of reason to show lots of resistance from her last relationship. I'd love some advice as to what to do from here, I'm heading her way tomorrow and I'm in two minds about asking her to do something with me. thanks
PegNosePete Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Dude, you didn't just slip into the friendzone, you swan dived into it head first. I wonder how long until she starts telling you how excited she is about a hot date she has with a cute guy this evening? Before you know it you'll be going over for sleepovers, where you'll both wear full cover-up pyjamas and watch a Twilight quadruple bill marathon. Then at 3am just as she's about to get the spare duvet for your sofa, she'll get a call from her loser ex boyfriend and go round for a quick chat just to tell him to back off. Next thing you know you're waking up in front of a static-blaring TV having slept in the chair with your mouth full of Cheetos and drool dripping down your chin. You'll pretend to be asleep as she creeps back in, her pyjama bottoms inexplicably now backwards, goes to her bedroom and comes out 10 minutes later with her hair fixed, to get you a bowl of fruit loops. Hmm oK maybe my inagination got a little carried away there. but you get what I mean. You're acting like a friend and so you will be treated like one. She was fighting with you in the sea, then sat next to you with her legs very close and got very close to see your phone... dude... what would Bruce Wayne have done? I think you know the answer, and I think that answers your whole problem for you.
Author confucuse Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Pardon my ignorance but no I don't know what Bruce Wayne would have done, can you pls clarify. I'm just trying to work out what went wrong so I don't have a repeat of this. Thanks
PegNosePete Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 He would have bought the entire restaurant and started to enforce the new no-clothes policy, starting with her. You know what I mean. He would have seduced her. She was giving out good signals and plenty of opportunity. And if she rejected him, he would have moved on to the chick at the table behind him, who will not play silly attention seeking games! What he certainly would not do, is allow himself to be put on the back burner while she is "confused"... which usually means she likes another guy more but wants to keep you in reserve in case it doesn't work out. So you're going her way tomorrow. Ask her out on a date and make a move. If she says no or doesn't accept your advances, then you need to figure out if you can be friends with someone you obviously have unreciprocated feelings for. It's TOUGH one dude, I really would not recommend it.
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