DinNJ Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 4 years of emails and phone conversations at least 3-4 times a week... came to a dramatic ending with NO answers or clarity. Other then... 'friend' who moved out of the house to get away from her troubling husband, decided to 'make things better' with him... after telling me she was in love with me, but it's "unrealistic". That came from an email... never responded to my emails looking for clarification or closure... NC for two weeks, then I sent an email stating I don't agree with her decision, but I respect it. Wished her well and happiness for a new year.... no response. NC for another week.... Is it true, that NC will eventually get the best of them??? This girl has been finding a way to come back to me for over 6 years.... it wasn't until last year that both our feelings "came out". Is it over? Or will she continue and always continue to use me as her security blanket? Is there anyway I can find out where I stand with her? Aside from what she did to me, she really is a wonderful person.... I just think she's letting guilt and fear of change get the best of her... so the 'confused' her is allowing her to make very unstable decisions for herself....
Pocky Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Or will she continue and always continue to use me as her security blanket? Is there anyway I can find out where I stand with her? The NC is with you though, not her. You're contacting her and she's completely ignoring you. You are the recipient of the NC. You should focus on moving forward with your life. She's picked her husband, not you. You need to let go and not wait around hoping she'll come back.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by DinNJ Is it true, that NC will eventually get the best of them??? No. NC allows someone who wants to make a break from you to just walk away. A clean break. And most times, if that's the case... they never look back. The problem comes when people decide on NC with expectations that doing so will have the desired result. It does, but it may not be the result that you desire. Will this girl come around again? Who knows. Maybe. The question is: will you be there waiting for her on the sidelines in case she does?
Author DinNJ Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 I mean if I choose NC for myself...... and let's say, her ex shows his true colors again.... Will the 'friend' wonder what she has lost??? And maybe realize that she keeps sacrificing her own happiness for her ex... instead of herself??? This isn't your typical boy meets girl... girl plays games with boy. I've always considered us "Best" friends.... years and years of email/phone contact... 2,3 hours a day when we could... and it all just ended abruptly.
Author DinNJ Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 I think I'd be kiddin' myself if I said I could be there and would like to be there for her as a friend, because the 'romantic' feelings are now there. But I just hate the thought of turning my back to her when she comes runnin' back. I know her very well and I'm sure she will... and she's truly not happy in her relationship and used guilt, fear and friends/family influences as her excuses to give him another try. If you ask me, they're totally the wrong reasons for re-entering a relationship. Love is suppose to be the reason... and she stated that she's not in love with him, but she just wants a stable environment for her son. Ugh!!! Anyway, will I be there for her later??? I hope the hell not... but I'd like to be there now for her.... sick huh? *G* I think Im just sad.... she filled my head up with some much hope and joy over the last three months... maybe I aughtta realize, she was just telling me how she wants to feel, because of what she's been missing in her 'real' relationship.
Pocky Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 I mean if I choose NC for myself...... I don't see how you have a choice really. She's not responding to anything you send. You have NC. For all you know she may be deleting your email or has you blocked so you're automatically sent to junk mail and deleted.
Author DinNJ Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 hmmmm... lot of advice for OW around here, but not for the OM... guess that's taboo huh?
KissMyTiara Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia No. NC allows someone who wants to make a break from you to just walk away. A clean break. And most times, if that's the case... they never look back. The problem comes when people decide on NC with expectations that doing so will have the desired result. It does, but it may not be the result that you desire. DinNj - it doesn't get any clearer than that. She wanted a clean break from you. That's just what SHE got. You have no choice here as far as SHE is concerned. Your only choice is about what you do with YOURSELF from this point forward.
Leaf Posted January 8, 2005 Posted January 8, 2005 Hey Din, That sucks! I am so sorry that she did this to you. I have no answers for you, but sometimes people do things that they themselves cant even understand. She sounds confused. If she is not talking to you then put your energy somewhere positive. It sounds like she left you stranded with all of your emotions and no life vest in sight to help you through them and I am so very sorry.
Author DinNJ Posted January 8, 2005 Author Posted January 8, 2005 Well thank you for feeling my pain Leaf... You said it exactly as I feel it.... no life vest in sight.... and no way to get some clarity.... And I think you're right, she is confused. And she lost a wonderful friend in the process. I just hope she realizes it one day down the road. You know what the say... "What ever you do to someone will come back 10fold on you." and I don't wanna be standing next to her when it does.
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