Frank2thepoint Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Up-date: met for drinks last night and although he did resemble his pics, I didn't feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He wanted to know about seeing me again and I told him to give me a call and we'll go from there. After sleeping on it, I sent him an e-mail this morning through OLD indicating that I was glad to have met him, however, I didn't think we were a match for one another after discussing goals and life experiences and that I wished him the best. If you are looking for instant chemistry, you may get disappointed in the long run. But a date is more than just chemistry. If you really feel he doesn't align with you in values and interests, then it's appropriate to be forward with him. If you are just deciding to not see him anymore because he don't invoke instant butterflies, he deserve a chance. 1
FitChick Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 If you are just deciding to not see him anymore because he don't invoke instant butterflies, he deserve a chance. I never get instant butterflies. It takes time for me to get to know someone and feelings to develop. I'm not a butterfly flitting from flower to flower. 1
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Lady here. Relatively new to on line dating and back out into the dating world after a long term relationship. Can anyone tell me or provide any insight on why these guys seem so urgent to exchange numbers and/or meet right away. Maybe I'm missing something, but I thought the purpose was to get to know one another first by using the secure e-mail provided by the sight. 1. They want to eliminate the countless other men who are also wanting to meet you. (especially if you're attractive) 2. Sex, baby, sex.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I'm going to start messaging first I've heard so many good relationships that started from the girl messaging first .I've read maybe six like this,it's kind of idiotic for me to just sit here and only talk to guys that find me,want to Msge me,luckily most guys I do like message me. but since I like shy type of guys I should probably msge too. i started OLD after a long-term relationship ended as well. my conclusion is that a majority of the men are wanting to hook-up very very quickly, and then some others fall at the other extreme of just wanting to be pen pals. you have to trust your own instincts; 'form' letters are very easy to spot, and are mass mailed to every female, hoping someone will respond, as are emails with just a number or invitation to write them back. i generally want about 4 emails and 2 phone calls (no texting) before i will meet someone, and then it's only for a 30-60 minute coffee meetup. i also NEVER ever message guys first, ever. i might look at their profile, but i don't message. it might sound weird, but i still get tons of responses, and i know for sure I'm not messaging a 'player' or someone who doesn't like my 'look.' just like IRL i want a guy to like my looks and approach me; perhaps if i message first he never would have.
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Mascara, Thank you for the quick response. Things are different then they were when I met my ex through OLD ten years ago. I appreciate your insight. I know what you mean. I met my ex 10yrs ago too in an online chatroom and it took 6 months before we met due to my hesitations (I was also 16 at the time and took it for fun). I think it's a fine line and you have to be careful. I didn't do OLD for two years and tried it again a few months back and noticed some guys went as far as wanting to meet on the same day. I found the ones genuinely relationship minded don't mind a few phone convos before meeting. Beware and be vigilant also of what they put they are looking for in their profile vs. what they tell you if it doesn't align with what you put in your profile. Many will lie and say they didn't want to look desperate by putting "looking for a relationship" online. If they say "friends" they are most likely looking for a FWB ESPECIALLY if it is a FREE site. I like to strike a balance. We can meet for a simple date but if you try to get too physical too soon (even a kiss) then I am turned off. The last guy told me he didn't have sex outside of a relationship yet persistently tried to jump my bones EVERY DAY both weekends we hung out, came on strong weekend1 asking to not date others until we saw if we would be compatible enough to form a relationship and then weekend 2 (after many unsuccessful attempts to get laid) he suddenly did a 180 and recanted his previous proposition. Paid sites are MUCH better bets and though I currently have a slight aversion to OLD, if I ever did it again it would most likely be a paid site, but NOT Eharmony.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Girls have started msging me on OLD, my profile says I like guys. Is this for friendship or lesbianism or what.
EmilyJane Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Girls have started msging me on OLD, my profile says I like guys. Is this for friendship or lesbianism or what. Ok. You're getting newbie flooded. They can sense the fresh inexperienced meat I swear! What site are you using? I used to use POF a lot - you can set like a bajillion rules on who can contact you. I set all of them- no smokers, no chicks, height range, age range, marital status - like literally everything (there's about 15 different limiters). Still got bombarded and ended up hiding my profile and just contacting the guys I wanted to (heheheheh usually by telling them they were cute as a button and asking why they hadn't messaged me yet with a lil shocked face ) Also compare your profile and pics to other women in your age group, the trick is to strike the right balance between standing out, sounding confident but not appearing vulnerable, needy or crazy or you'll endlessly get the creeps who prey on vulnerable chicks.
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