LuvsTrucks2 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Lady here. Relatively new to on line dating and back out into the dating world after a long term relationship. Can anyone tell me or provide any insight on why these guys seem so urgent to exchange numbers and/or meet right away. Maybe I'm missing something, but I thought the purpose was to get to know one another first by using the secure e-mail provided by the sight.
Mascara Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 No, the purpose is to make contact. OLD replaces the "meeting" aspect of dating It's not supposed to replace the "getting to know you" bit. That's what dating is for. And prolonged communication prior to a first date builds up a false sense of intimacy that may not be there in person. 5
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Mascara, Thank you for the quick response. Things are different then they were when I met my ex through OLD ten years ago. I appreciate your insight.
PegNosePete Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 OK, here's how it is. There are 10x as many guys on OLD as women. 90% of guys are just after sex. Many are married, have a girlfriend, are players, just after one night stand or a regular FB or FWB. These kind of guys will generally send out copy/pasted initial messages saying "hey there", "how r u", their phone number, or a pic of their genitals, hoping to get 1 response out of 1000 that may lead to a lay. Best response to this kind of message is just to ignore or delete it. There's really NOTHING you can do to prevent this kind of message filling your inbox. They don't even read your profile so it's pointless to say you're not looking for ONS, etc. There are genuine guys out there though, and it can be hard to find them due to the huge number of jerks. The best initial contact messages are a couple of sentences long, reference something in your profile, are light/funny and ask a simple question, so if you get messages like that, respond. Also browse guys, find ones you like, and message them. After initial message you should send a few back and forth to find out a little more about each other, and if you like what you read, exchange numbers within 3-10 messages. Then talk on the phone (don't text) and arrange to meet up, usually within a week. This procedure has worked very well for me. Most dating sites have forums, where you can ask for a profile review. Generally it's the guys who need help because 90% of guys profiles are absolutely terrible. But it may be worth taking a look to see if you can get some tips.
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 PegNosePete, Thanks for the info. You basically said what I was thinking, however, I felt like this one particular guy was giving me some sort of urgency about meeting up and collecting my number.
isisisweeping Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I think its probably a good thing. There's something in ease in person to person that might be different from online and why waste a lot of time and be disappointed? An hour for coffee is not much.
PegNosePete Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Trust your instincts. If it doesn't feel right then do not ignore that feeling. Something is probably fishy. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Most people on here complain that guys message them forever without ever asking to meet up. Which is why some guys like to ask to meet up early. 2-3 messages before meeting up is what I usually do. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Better Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Also, sign up for a Google Voice number and have it forwarded to your phone. That way you're not giving out your real number. It's also very easy to block people through Google Voice if things go poorly.
Sunlight72 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Pretty good info above ^^^ Also, I would add that if you're looking for a relationship you should sign up for one or two pay dating sites. Many fewer members, but higher percentage who are looking for relationships, not just a random hook-up. Still keep computer contact short (2 or 3 messages) before telephone or in-person date. People really can be completely different in person. Completely. So don't build hope or invest much time. Meet in a public place where it's easy to leave early, or if things go well you can comfortably go to another place. Like meet for coffee at 5:30. If that miraculously goes well, at 6:30/7 you both could agree to go for dinner or something. Or go home after coffee and meet another day. I think it takes 2 or 3 meetings to get any kind of a feeling for person (nerves, an off day, an unusually good day, etc. give false impressions I feel). Just think of it as meeting people. Don't think too much that it is meeting your new mate. Best Wishes, Sunlight
deathandtaxes Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 OK, here's how it is. There are 10x as many guys on OLD as women. 90% of guys are just after sex. Many are married, have a girlfriend, are players, just after one night stand or a regular FB or FWB. These kind of guys will generally send out copy/pasted initial messages saying "hey there", "how r u", their phone number, or a pic of their genitals, hoping to get 1 response out of 1000 that may lead to a lay. Best response to this kind of message is just to ignore or delete it. There's really NOTHING you can do to prevent this kind of message filling your inbox. They don't even read your profile so it's pointless to say you're not looking for ONS, etc. There are genuine guys out there though, and it can be hard to find them due to the huge number of jerks. The best initial contact messages are a couple of sentences long, reference something in your profile, are light/funny and ask a simple question, so if you get messages like that, respond. Also browse guys, find ones you like, and message them. After initial message you should send a few back and forth to find out a little more about each other, and if you like what you read, exchange numbers within 3-10 messages. Then talk on the phone (don't text) and arrange to meet up, usually within a week. This procedure has worked very well for me. Most dating sites have forums, where you can ask for a profile review. Generally it's the guys who need help because 90% of guys profiles are absolutely terrible. But it may be worth taking a look to see if you can get some tips. Actually, I have seen numbers that show that women slightly outnumber men on the dating sites, with the exception for Adultfriendfinder.
Phantom888 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Often times OLD guys want to meet soon, have sex, and move on. Those are the jerks. The nice guys want to meet soon so they know if there is chemistry with the possibility of a serious relationship down the road. The sooner they know, the sooner they can move on if things don't work. OLD is almost like fast track dating. Everything just moves faster. IMHO. 1
Thegreatestthing Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I don't trust the guys that want to meet up ASAP and give out their number,I only had two of those. Its definitely to hook up. 1
deathandtaxes Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Often times OLD guys want to meet soon, have sex, and move on. Those are the jerks. The nice guys want to meet soon so they know if there is chemistry with the possibility of a serious relationship down the road. The sooner they know, the sooner they can move on if things don't work. OLD is almost like fast track dating. Everything just moves faster. IMHO. I hate the endless messaging back and forth before ever meeting up. Seems like a waste of time and builds a very unrealistic image of the other person. I am one of those quick to meet kind of guys. I am polite and not pushy. But so much can be ascertained in a few minutes of face to face conversation than through reams of email or text. I think the guys that want sex quick will try to steer conversations that way or throw out bait and see what bites.
deathandtaxes Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I don't trust the guys that want to meet up ASAP and give out their number,I only had two of those. Its definitely to hook up. How much ASAP? I try to firmly establish some sort of connection via messages. Usually a few back and forth. And then if I am still interested, I will ask to meet up for a drink or something simple. It's not like I'm asking to meet up on the first message I send out, or the second for that matter.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I don't trust the guys that want to meet up ASAP and give out their number,I only had two of those. Its definitely to hook up. How quickly is ASAP? I've asked women to meet up after 2-3 messages before and I wasn't looking for a hookup...
Thegreatestthing Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Yes well I'm talking about guys who give their number after the second msge. Wanting to have drinks,is also dubious. Most guys I talk too don't give any numbers.
deathandtaxes Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Yes well I'm talking about guys who give their number after the second msge. Wanting to have drinks,is also dubious. Most guys I talk too don't give any numbers. Dubious, lol. I use drinks as a screen. I like beer. My friends like going out to drink. If a woman doesn't drink, she isn't for me. So invariably all my first meetings involve a drink at least. It's cheap. Easy. And who says you have to get blotto? My goal isn't to get a lady drunk on the first date. That's crazy! And the ladies are smart anyways and usually stick to one or two. Conversing over drinks isn't dubious, it's a time-honored social NORM.
Mascara Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 As I've said before.... here in the UK, that's pretty much the norm. First date = pub and beer. 2
Phantom888 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 As I've said before.... here in the UK, that's pretty much the norm. First date = pub and beer. I always ask for dinner date, but I notice here in Los Angeles (and in most big cities), a drink is less formal and puts less pressure on the date. It's far less expensive than dinner, and if there is no chemistry, it can always end early and there is no awkwardness. 1
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Thanks everyone, all very good advice. I have spoken to the guy a few times since last night and he appears to be somewhat needy for my liking. We did agree to meet tomorrow night for drinks. I will be sure to let you all know how it goes.
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Up-date: met for drinks last night and although he did resemble his pics, I didn't feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He wanted to know about seeing me again and I told him to give me a call and we'll go from there. After sleeping on it, I sent him an e-mail this morning through OLD indicating that I was glad to have met him, however, I didn't think we were a match for one another after discussing goals and life experiences and that I wished him the best.
irc333 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 There are 10x as many guys on OLD as women. 90% of guys are just after sex. Many are married, have a girlfriend, are players, just after one night stand or a regular FB or FWB. These kind of guys will generally send out copy/pasted initial messages saying "hey there" Yet when I post something beyond the typical ones quoted here, I still don't get a response, so it's moot.
newmoon Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 i started OLD after a long-term relationship ended as well. my conclusion is that a majority of the men are wanting to hook-up very very quickly, and then some others fall at the other extreme of just wanting to be pen pals. you have to trust your own instincts; 'form' letters are very easy to spot, and are mass mailed to every female, hoping someone will respond, as are emails with just a number or invitation to write them back. i generally want about 4 emails and 2 phone calls (no texting) before i will meet someone, and then it's only for a 30-60 minute coffee meetup. i also NEVER ever message guys first, ever. i might look at their profile, but i don't message. it might sound weird, but i still get tons of responses, and i know for sure I'm not messaging a 'player' or someone who doesn't like my 'look.' just like IRL i want a guy to like my looks and approach me; perhaps if i message first he never would have.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 As I've said before.... here in the UK, that's pretty much the norm. First date = pub and beer. I'm in the wrong country.
Recommended Posts