RightThere Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 2.50, it's a great story, but I'm not sure how it illustrates the power of love chemicals. I'm just glad he uses his powers for good and not evil. 2
Spectre Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Dude seriously, drop this woman. Why waste your life with her? Look what she did to you. Is that what you want for yourself? Is the type of person you want to spend your life with the type who could utterly betray someone she has children with? I'm guessing it isn't. She has no respect for you and she probably never will. Life is too short, go find an actual adult, someone who can voice their problems to their partner before they take their clothes off and begin screwing around behind their backs. If you do not feel you deserve to at least be with someone who has even a little bit of respect for you..then I'd ask you to ask yourself why you feel that is? Trust me, nobody is perfect, but there are plenty of women out there who would never in a million years betray someone they loved in such a manner. We do always hurt the ones we love, but we DO NOT always do so via banging some other dude behind their back. 1
compulsivedancer Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I'm just glad he uses his powers for good and not evil. He does NOW.
peruano99 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I always noticed that some people who cheat are the ones with have some kind of emotional or psychological problem. 1
aliveagain Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 She shows up at your door because she can't handle the possibility that you could be cheating on her yet she allowed him to put his penis into her, ok, that makes sense. She took a year and two months of love that should have been yours and gave it freely to a predator than wonders why your not as connected. She loves you but still claims to love him and expects you to wait for her while she takes the time she needs to morn their illegal affair, ok, that makes sense to somebody somewhere. I say illegal because depending on which state you live in infidelity is still illegal in 22 American states. It's illegal in most of African and even today it will get you publicly stoned in the Sudan and Somalia. It's illegal in Pakistan, maximum penalty under Hudood Ordinance is death, the Philippines, North and South Korea and Taiwan it's a crime. In Saudi Arabia, one of the wealthiest countries in the world, the maximum punishment for adultery is stoning(to death). Under English Common Law adultery is still a felony. In the Old Testament it is prohibited as the 6th Commandment. In the Old Testament of Liviticus it prescribes Capital Punishment when dealing with infidelity. It is prohibited in Islam, Christianity and Judaism with penalties that range from fines to the death penalty. The Native American Cultures imposed severe penalties including bodily mutilations preventing the adulterers from being a further temptation to others. The Roman's punished adultery with banishment and husbands were required to divorce adulterous wives, under certain circumstances the husband was allowed to kill the adulterous partners. In ancient India under the Laws Of Manu she would be ordered by the King to be devoured by dogs in a public place frequented by many. Why do some take infidelity so seriously and yet we in North America and Europe praise it on our television programs and some go onto blog sites and brag about banging other married people? The question I always ask people that have been on the receiving end of infidelity is: If you were going to go into business with someone and you were going to invest your entire life's savings with them, would you still do so if you knew they were lying and cheating on you? The time allotment, the boundaries, the consequences should only be yours, why are you continuing to give her the power. You tell her what you need for her to still be part of your life. The micro moment she commenced a relationship with other man yours ended, she walked, she stomped, she trashed what was your relationship with her, she has no more say in the outcome you choose for yourself, zero. Whatever is now is new with new rules, boundaries and consequences. Shut that bullsh*t about missing other man down immediately. She is in, 100% with you or she can walk, nothing else is acceptable because you don't give a sh*t about O/M, he can fall off the planet and it will make no difference in your life and it shouldn't make a difference in hers because HE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. Just my opinion. 2
compulsivedancer Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I say illegal because depending on which state you live in infidelity is still illegal in 22 American states. It's illegal in most of African and even today it will get you publicly stoned in the Sudan and Somalia. It's illegal in Pakistan, maximum penalty under Hudood Ordinance is death, the Philippines, North and South Korea and Taiwan it's a crime. In Saudi Arabia, one of the wealthiest countries in the world, the maximum punishment for adultery is stoning(to death). Under English Common Law adultery is still a felony. In the Old Testament it is prohibited as the 6th Commandment. In the Old Testament of Liviticus it prescribes Capital Punishment when dealing with infidelity. It is prohibited in Islam, Christianity and Judaism with penalties that range from fines to the death penalty. The Native American Cultures imposed severe penalties including bodily mutilations preventing the adulterers from being a further temptation to others. The Roman's punished adultery with banishment and husbands were required to divorce adulterous wives, under certain circumstances the husband was allowed to kill the adulterous partners. In ancient India under the Laws Of Manu she would be ordered by the King to be devoured by dogs in a public place frequented by many. Except how many of those would prosecute a man for cheating? Most of those rules are in place to protect men's "property" (notably their children). Most of those offer no protection at all for women, and often actively exploit them. Sorry for the t/j. Cheating is a terrible thing, but glorifying systems that stone women, sometimes without even requiring proof is counterproductive, especially when a woman whose husband has cheated has no say under the same law. 2
aliveagain Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 It works both ways, not so much in the Islamic world. The other exception was infidelity with a female member of British Royalty, Queen, eldest unmarried daughter or the wife of the heir to the throne something to do with the paternal line of succession. It is considered treason to do so. Compulsivedancer my point was that in most of the world infidelity is seen in a much less romanticized, big deal, get over it, everybody does it kind of way. Most of the world see's it in a much darker way and the intent was not about male or female, infidelity is not about gender, it's about deceit. Your spouse plotting with another man or woman against you. They plot together to meet without you, to share between them what was promised in an oath to only you. Sex isn't the biggest betrayal, it's what they did to you as a trusting loving partner that makes this betrayal so horrific. How can you tell someone you always loved them when just about every waking moment in your day your plotting your next encounter with O/M or O/W, what to wear, where to meet, how to get rid of your husband or your wife for the afternoon, what excuse do you use so you can have enough time in bed with your O/M or O/W. Do you shower at his place, will your husband smell the soap on you, do you soak in a tub at home pretending you had a bad day at the office? How long is an acceptable period of time to be late so they don't get suspicious? Do you pick up take-out on the way home so your husband or wife thinks your conscientious and concerned about them, they waited for you to get home? They probably felt sorry for you having to put in all this extra time without pay. How that all hit home when they discovered what you were really doing with your ass, it sure wasn't getting worked off. It's really all about the deceit, the lying, the plotting against your best friend with some stranger against the father/ the mother of your children. The fact you did it so well and for so long and that you liked it and even loved this other person still gives you no right to think you can bring more shame into your home by trying to get your spouse to accept you loving someone else, shame on you. 2
Artie Lang Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I found out last night that my wife still loves the OM this is all you need to know, friend. i'm sure you didn't sign up to share her love with another man. don't stand for it. 6
2.50 a gallon Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) The point is that after 10 weeks she was actually a little bit annoyed with me. What was not said, was that she figured she could kill two birds with one stone. She could try fishing and she could remind me the next time I asked her out that we had gone out, and nothing had changed. On Wednesday, when she accepted, she still did not know my name On Wednesday, had we met out side of the store, I would have been lucky had I gotten so much as a "Hi" out of her. There was no way she would have stopped and talked to me On the way to the river, we still were not friends. And she was totally against getting emotionally involved with me, as I was almost totally the opposite of what she was looking for in a boy friend. Totally by accident I did everything right. She had fun, she got to do many things for the first time. And less we forget, the river environment can be a very romantic place. We talked, I especially talked from my heart, and before she knew her heart was listening to what I had to say. She was young, beautiful and she knew it, and had her choice of many young men. Even had a couple of steady boyfriends. Twenty-four hours later she is throwing them out the window Being young and her first love, once her body started producing the love chemicals that were geared exclusive toward me, and they began flooding her brain, she no longer had a choice in the matter. She was infatuated and falling in love. In 24 hours, I went from a guy she new briefly, whom she really wasn't attracted to, to being exclusively mine and already considering having my babies. Edited January 4, 2014 by 2.50 a gallon
peruano99 Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 The point is that after 10 weeks she was actually a little bit annoyed with me. What was not said, was that she figured she could kill two birds with one stone. She could try fishing and she could remind me the next time I asked her out that we had gone out, and nothing had changed. On Wednesday, when she accepted, she still did not know my name On Wednesday, had we met out side of the store, I would have been lucky had I gotten so much as a "Hi" out of her. There was no way she would have stopped and talked to me On the way to the river, we still were not friends. And she was totally against getting emotionally involved with me, as I was almost totally the opposite of what she was looking for in a boy friend. Totally by accident I did everything right. She had fun, she got to do many things for the first time. And less we forget, the river environment can be a very romantic place. We talked, I especially talked from my heart, and before she knew her heart was listening to what I had to say. She was young, beautiful and she knew it, and had her choice of many young men. Even had a couple of steady boyfriends. Twenty-four hours later she is throwing them out the window Being young and her first love, once her body started producing the love chemicals that were geared exclusive toward me, and they began flooding her brain, she no longer had a choice in the matter. She was infatuated and falling in love. In 24 hours, I went from a guy she new briefly, whom she really wasn't attracted to, to being exclusively mine and already considering having my babies. I had to read your other post to understand what you were talking about.
thummper Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 this is all you need to know, friend. i'm sure you didn't sign up to share her love with another man. don't stand for it. Well put, Artie. Does Fred understand that he's only getting leftovers? 1
Author Fredflintstone Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Well put, Artie. Does Fred understand that he's only getting leftovers? I find it very, very difficult to give up on the last eighteen years. My whole life is invested in her and my family. We are going to MC in three days, I'll see how this works out before I do anything else. There is still hope, I feel, I'll just have to wait and see. 1
aliveagain Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I find it very, very difficult to give up on the last eighteen years. My whole life is invested in her and my family. We are going to MC in three days, I'll see how this works out before I do anything else. There is still hope, I feel, I'll just have to wait and see. Fred, no one is saying you gave up on your marriage, all we are saying is she did. Why else would she be banging some other dude? If your committed to your spouse why let another man have what you swore was exclusively your husbands? Marriage counselling works only if your both working on the marriage, one of you is not working on the marriage Fred. She needs her own independent counselling to find out whats broken in her. 2
Spectre Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I find it very, very difficult to give up on the last eighteen years. My whole life is invested in her and my family. We are going to MC in three days, I'll see how this works out before I do anything else. There is still hope, I feel, I'll just have to wait and see. Dude, she already gave up on the last 18 years by cheating. If it wasn't difficult for her..well, you get where I am going? No man, there isn't hope, the moment she spread her legs for another man who was not her husband..the hope went right out the window and exploded into a thousand tiny pieces...and here you want to go outside and gather up each and every tiny piece and glue it back together and guess what? You will of probably been cheated on again by the time you've done that. If you can't let her go then every time you leave your home from now on make sure you wash your face, because if not your wives dirty muddy footprints will still be fresh on you and people will see you on the street and wonder "why is this dude walking around with mud shaped bootprints on his face?"
2.50 a gallon Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Fred There is no excuse for cheating. Hog wash! I too felt this way when I was younger, in fact when I caught my Ex, I had the exact same line and walked away, even though she eventually saw the error of her ways, and desperately wanted to reconcile. What most people do not comprehend is the power that chemicals have on our brains. And I am not talking solely about love chemicals. Take depression for example, I had a dear friend who seemingly had a great life, suffer from severe depression and eventually commit suicide. As I said, he had a great life, he was intelligent, had a great career with a job he absolutely loved, made great money, enough to travel the world, was well liked and admired by those he worked with and knew. He had a beautiful wife and family, which he loved very much. I could go on and on. He had it all, except he suffered from depression. When it hit him, there was almost nothing he could do as nothing made him happy. When he was up, he knew exactly what he had and loved it, and he was also afraid that the depression could come back at any time and once again he would be out of control. I now see cheating on a similar plane. Some times we can resist temptation, but some times, the chemical imbalance is too great, and the cheater steps over the line 2
2.50 a gallon Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I also want to say, it is your life, if you chose to reconcile, go for it. And from what I have read, I suspect that you might have a real chance of making it work Also, have you considered that she might be experiencing a mid-life crisis. When I was in high school, the kid across the streets mom, had a similar problem. He would have only been about 16, when mom went off the track, told his dad that she was in love with a man she worked with and moved into her own place. And in essence she also said her two kids, him and his older sister were grown and did not need her any more, basically shutting the whole family out of her life. His dad contacted the OM, who in turn told him your wife is nuts, and that he had no interest in her what so ever. It took about 3 months, and she got her head cleared and moved back in with them. They went on to celebrate a golden anniversary and enjoy their great grand children. Again, it was a story of a chemical imbalance in her brain. What she felt for the OM was real to her. 2
Steadfast Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Fred, no one is saying you gave up on your marriage, all we are saying is she did. Yes, she did. For a little while anyway. Once the contract is broken, the vows within it become worthless. That doesn't mean you'll feel any less obligation; the shock may cause you to feel more. You are scared and worried...not a good place from which to make important decisions. You want to fix this but honestly Fred, you can't. Still, your fear of losing 'everything' makes you try. It isn't a reach to say your wife is probably wondering why, given everything she's done and told you. No matter what she says, this doubt makes her lose respect and without respect, there can be no attraction. She doesn't feel 'love' for her boyfriend Fred, she feels longing. She loves her family, her parents and her friends. She might even love you, with the overriding emotion being care and a sense of obligation. It all boils down to what life will become after the fact. Her taking deep breaths, resolving to be a 'good wife' and sticking it out will do little to calm your fears when she steps out of the house alone. You'll wonder and you'll worry. This eventually leads to bitterness and apathy. In short, life sucks. Most betrayed spouses can't see the forest for the trees. They can't see the big picture because fear is forcing them to be short-sighted. That's where you are Fred, right or wrong. Your sense of care and need won't deliver the happiness you're so desperately trying to preserve.
thummper Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Don't misunderstand my post, Fred. I would love it if you two could reconnect and find happiness with each other again. But, as long as she maintains feelings for him, I can't see that happening. I wish you all the best.
soccerrprp Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Don't misunderstand my post, Fred. I would love it if you two could reconnect and find happiness with each other again. But, as long as she maintains feelings for him, I can't see that happening. I wish you all the best. Yup, not going to happen if she still harbours feelings for the OM. After reading some of the posts, there are plenty of excuses as to why she committed adultery, but none are adequate justifications. I would NEVER tolerate such and reconciliation would be impossible for me. Adultery goes far beyond just making a mistake or hormones or what not. Far beyond.....
Scott Thomas Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Dear Fred, This might sound a bit harsh. You two were married for 18 years but she threw them away consciously. As it appears, the few moments she spent with the OM were more valuable to her than the 18 years you two have spent together. She still loves the OM and didn't hesitate to lie and deceive you. While I applaud your attempt to 'protect' your family, your wife's conduct is intolerable. Would she prove as accommodating if you decided to sleep with another woman? There are roughly three billion women out there- God knows how long you've got on this earth-will you spend your life running after someone who doesn't even love you? It's time you set your priorities straight. At this point, you should focus on your son and on your own personal development. If your wife comes around, she's got years if hard work ahead of her. If she doesn't, then it's her losss, not yours. You deserve a happy life, one which you spend in the company of a spouse who loves and cherishes you. If your wife can't be that woman then it's time to cut your leash. Whatever you do, make your own happiness your goal. Good Luck 1
Author Fredflintstone Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 I would just like to thank everyone who has posted replies to this and all my other posts both positive and negative. They have been of great help to me in my thinking and perspective in dealing with this. Thanks everyone.
Author Fredflintstone Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 MC was a complete waste of £45. Should of saved my money. 1
RightThere Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 MC was a complete waste of £45. Should of saved my money. If it was the first one, it usually is a big nothing. The counselor needs to understand the situation and where the two of you are at. I would gauge it after 3-4 sessions (if you are both willing to work on it for that long).
Author Fredflintstone Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 If it was the first one, it usually is a big nothing. The counselor needs to understand the situation and where the two of you are at. I would gauge it after 3-4 sessions (if you are both willing to work on it for that long). She has other issues that need dealing with and she wasn't interested anyway.
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