Wallace1 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Met a girl About 8 months ago at a friends party, immediately hit it off and dated 3 or 4 times over about a month period. The host of the party then tells me that he too had been dating her, and even said they had hooked up multiple times in between when the girl and I had (basically makeout and a bit of petting, no intercourse). I immediately lost interest figuring the girl was just playing around. It basically ended by me never asking her out again. Over the 6 month period since then, the girl and her roommate, myself, and the three guys who live in our apt building have become very good friends. We see each other multiple times per week, etc. The girl is playful and flirty with everyone, so I had been just casually flirting back, etc. She made comments that would suggest she liked me all along like "Even I haven't been to his new apartment" intimating she would be the obvious one to have visited. Over the last 3 or 4 weeks (minus 10 days where I was home for the holidays) she has changed her tone towards me, texting me a lot randomly with no real message, saying she was 'looking for me' at New Years, etc. I also have realized that I have developed a big crush from really getting to know her. (before she was just a cute girl to ask out). I also found out that the other friend was lying about hooking up with her inadvertently, and later asking her. I thought she flirted with every guy (and she does), but two separate friends made comments which I overheard suggesting the two of us are ridiculous to be around because we're way over the top. My question is: Whether I risk ruining things in our group by making it clear? Does the sudden change in action mean she digs me? (again?) How should I get her alone to talk without it being weird ? Or dont bother and just invite to an obvious date? Edit: We are both late twenties aged
Author Wallace1 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 What did they mean by "way over the top?" Essentially that we focus on each other way too much. Another friend drunkenly asked her last night why her and I "try to keep our relationship a secret" as another example
MrMeh Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I would ask her out on a date, preferably face to face. If you think that's too much then you could try texting her and starting up more conversations, though I think both of you are dancing around each other and avoiding anything serious.
Author Wallace1 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 I most certainly was just goofing around until very recently, which is why I ask the question. Her change in behavior seems to mean shes either noticed I have a crush or also has one. May as well make it clear and see what happens I guess!
married2school Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I think it sounds promising. Sometimes we overanalyze things, and our friends see what is happening a lot clearer than we do. Or at least that's how I am. I'd ask her out on a low pressure date like coffee or something. In person is good I suppose, but with how much you guys are texting, I don't personally think it would hurt to ask to hang out via text if you're more shy.
Iguanna Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 So you went to some dates 6 months ago and then you stopped asking and she didn't even ask you why? It seems she is not such a serious person for a relationship. I wouldn't see her seriously. I'd flirt with her but that's it. Why lose your time with her (who acts like a 15 yo kid) instead of taking your time to find a serious girl who acts like her age? It's better to let her go now before you have feelings for her. She seems she hits on everyone and whatever happens. A big no-no for me.
d0nnivain Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Don't make declarations. They are awkward & weird. Ask her on a date, just the two of you & let your actions communicate how you feel initially. If the date goes well you can clarify the status of your relationship. If she declines the date you have to make decisions about how you want your group dynamic to proceed. 1
Author Wallace1 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Thanks for the feedback all. I'll ask her out tonight when we get together and see what happens.
Author Wallace1 Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 So she ended up not coming out thursday, but texted me all day at work Friday asking how the night before was, and what my plans were for the weekend. Briefly discussed Friday night group plans, and then invited her to diner Sunday. She said busy, I suggested Tuesday and she said "Maybe". I replied that I'll take that as a "No". Clearly this isn't happening, but Im confused as to why all the flirting and texting all day with someone you arent interested in?? (she initiated whenever I didnt message her for like a day or so)
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Some people just like to flirt but they don't mean anything by it. It's also an ego boost.
TB Rhine Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Girls flirt... 'specially if there's free lunches, nights out, etc. to be had. At the end of the day this girl likes attention, and all the flirtatious banter has been providing that. Your dinner invite may have seemed too serious to her (i.e., indicative that she might be expected to start bringing something to the table other than coy innuendos and coquettish glances), and she blinked. That's the oldest game of chicken in the book there, bro. Also, just wanted to give props to the poster above who mentioned "declarations." Do not EVER "tell a girl you like her." You let her know that by asking her out, paying for dinner, and then going for the kiss at the end of the night. I'd also avoid remarks like "I'll take that as a no." Whether you realize it or not, you're (at best) trying to get a rise out of her, (at worst) simply being snide, and you better believe SHE knows it. Nobody enjoys being called on their bull****, and women are no exception.
Author Wallace1 Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Girls flirt... 'specially if there's free lunches, nights out, etc. to be had. At the end of the day this girl likes attention, and all the flirtatious banter has been providing that. Your dinner invite may have seemed too serious to her (i.e., indicative that she might be expected to start bringing something to the table other than coy innuendos and coquettish glances), and she blinked. That's the oldest game of chicken in the book there, bro. Also, just wanted to give props to the poster above who mentioned "declarations." Do not EVER "tell a girl you like her." You let her know that by asking her out, paying for dinner, and then going for the kiss at the end of the night. I'd also avoid remarks like "I'll take that as a no." Whether you realize it or not, you're (at best) trying to get a rise out of her, (at worst) simply being snide, and you better believe SHE knows it. Nobody enjoys being called on their bull****, and women are no exception. Fair enough. So what now? I dont want to ruin our friendship, do I just act like it never happened, or say something? We were out last night with a big group, she very obviously avoided me until a goodbye hug at the end of the night. Dont want it to be wierd, thanks in advance
shinealight Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Right when someone likes you they will smile at you, not stop staring at you. Text you all the time and phone you all the time. Come up to you and talk to you all the time. They flirt aswell which is another sign. If they are clearly not into you they will not talk to you, look at you text you, call you, and ignore you. If you are in a relationship with this person you can tell she likes you because she will be kissing you, calling/texting you, telling you how much she loves you. And she will be smiling and be happy to be with you when you are out ect and if she is not then she clearly does not want to be with you. I have seen so many miserable couples.
TB Rhine Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 ^^^This guy's onto something. I'm a big guy, so I certainly know what it's like to try and court attention from a woman who won't give me the time of day. The few actual girlfriends I've had, though, got upset if I didn't make an effort to get in contact with them at some point during the day. This is how you know when a girl likes you - she'll be needy, and not just in a manipulative way. Whether you pay attention to her or not will MATTER to her. You can tell the difference if a girl is hurt or if she's just plying for attention. A woman who's not interested or ambivalent, on the other hand, will always act like she can take or leave it.
HappyLove Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 How about, stop assuming things and ask her out already. If she says no, you got your answer. That way you can move on with a clear mind or she says yes and now you got a date to plan.
hasaquestion Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 How about, stop assuming things and ask her out already. If she says no, you got your answer. That way you can move on with a clear mind or she says yes and now you got a date to plan. +1 What are you (and men in general) waiting for?????? You met her more than half a year ago. Think about it. 8 months = ~2/3 of a year = ~240 days = 5760 hours = 345,600 minutes. And you immediately it it off, meaning within 30 minutes of meeting her, you decided she was a "yes" and not a "no". Meaning you've known your answer for the last 345,570 minutes. 99.99% of your interactions with her took place after you made up your mind. Don't you think she's made up her mind too? The only way you're going to find out what she decided hundreds of thousands of minutes ago? Ask.
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