Does my ex-GF have BPD?

[Jarle]

Hi ladies and gents, this will be kinda long so be warned!

 

My ex-gf of 2 years recently broke up with me and it appears to be for good. Initially, after 10 months she caught a case of the grass being greener and slept with a married co-worker who happened to be twice her age. Naturally, I was pretty furious, but after a month she came back begging saying how she had made a mistake.

I took her back knowing in my heart of hearts that it wouldn't be the same, however I did enjoy the sex and her company when she was having one of her 'good' days. So yeah I kinda decided just to wing it, which lasted about another year before last month she dumped me over text claiming she's not the girl that I fell in love with anymore.

 

Anyway, with that out of the way I suspected pretty early on that she may have BPD but I am no expert so I'm not really qualified to diagnose her..

For those that don't know what BPD is, it stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. It's worth reading into.

I don't really know where to begin as the list is kinda long but some of the signs that she showed include:

 

- Terrible relationship with father. I always liked the guy, he's a wealthy business man who has four daughters. Ouch. She's always gone against his word, e.g. getting tattoos and hiding them.

 

- Speaking of tattoos, when I met her, she had 3. A year later, she had 20. She cut herself when she was in her teens, resulting in scars all over her arms and stomach. I told her that I think she gets tattoos as a way to 'socially self harm' and she didn't actually disagree.

 

- Large number of sexual partners. I never asked, but if I were to guess it would be between 15-20. Seeing how she was 20 when I met her (22 now), that's kind of high. Very sexually forward. Numerous 'friends with benefits' situations with men far older than her. Lot's of one night stands and slutty sex acts such as a MM/FF foursome with guys they didn't actually know.

 

- God only knows how many piercings. Used to pierce herself.. nose, lip, all over the ear, belly button, nipples... didn't actively wear all of them, but she had the areas pierced.

 

- 'Addictive' personality. She admitted how she is a 'all or nothing' kind of person, and will fixate on whatever her current addiction is. Whether that be drinking, smoking, doing weed and what not. Borderline alcoholic in early teenage years.

 

- History of lying and cheating. If her sexual kill count was between 15-20, I'd say she's easily dated 50+ guys. Most of them ended with her jumping with another guy before she even left the last.

 

- 5+ years of therapy. Psychiatrists unable to decide on anything however she has been taking anti-depressant pills for years. Truly horrifying mood swings and anger when she isn't taking them. I'm a big guy, 6'2 compared to her being 5'2 tall, yet even I'd have trouble calming her down when she threw a tantrum.

 

- If one of her 'best friends' (she had about 10 of these) did anything that she considered to be 'betrayal', she would go absolutely nuts. Smash her room up and what not. Curse them to high heaven. Also, she was the typical 'I mainly have guy friends as I don't really get on with girls' kind of person.

 

- Extremely clingy. Very quick to feel emotion. Within weeks she said how I was the type of person she can see herself falling in love with, and the very next week she admitted it. Always demanding physical attention, always wanting kisses and cuddles etc. Wanting sex alot.

 

- Emotional cheater. On two occasions she questioned her feelings for me because she was attracted to other guys. Never really let her ex go, a guy who she was with for 8 months before he cheated on her. Every few months he would contact her and chat, which would end up with her going along with it (unbeknownst to me half the time) before telling him to never contact her again. Several days after dumping me he uploaded a picture of the two of them together on facebook. Odd.

 

- She claimed to have taken various online tests and the results stated that she had BPD. She herself believes that she has BPD. She is allegedly visiting a mental health clinic often in order to 'fix herself'

 

- Very hot and cold. Unsure of what she wants in life completely. Her attitude changed based on who was her best friend at the time. A week before she dumped me she wanted to move in with me.

 

- Her younger sister is exactly the same as her. She was my best friend, who introduced me to her older sister. She rang me up drunk one night admitting her love for me and asking if i ever felt the same. A ****storm ensued.

 

- She likes horses. Family owns a ranch with plenty of them, I have heard from my friends that horse girls are usually nuts (lol).

 

So yeah, sorry for the long post but the issue I'm currently facing is how as much as I want to hate her for all her past actions, and dumping the 'love of her life' over text, I kind of feel sorry for her. No, I don't want her to be my girlfriend. But I feel an emotional attachment to her well-being. When she was good, she was amazing and I could see myself with her for a long time. When she was in a mood, I would have preferred to sit on a cactus.

 

Now I wasn't perfect after we got back together, it was hard for me to find my old feelings for her. We hastily got back with one another despite me still being furious with her actions. It was a classic case of grass is greener and it never left my mind after we reconciled. My efforts with her diminished greatly, and I knew it wouldn't last forever. Once that trust is gone.. yeah. You know how it is.

 

Anyways, I was wondering if anyone can relate to these issues and if it is likely to be BPD. I'd also like to know why I'm finding it so hard to simply get past this. There has been NC for a month now, and I'm not really tempted. Part of me wants her to reach out for me but I'm past expecting it so yeah. I think I was able to forgive the **** she pulled simply because I felt sorry for her. The amount of times I considered dumping her (when she was VERY into me) but didn't out of fear of her hurting herself (or worse).

 

After writing all of this, I'm kind of thinking why the hell did I stay with her for so long. I guess it's because I like to try and fix things that are broken.

Edited January 2, 2014 by Jarle

[lop98]

Maybe, maybe not. Your post in one irrational line:

 

I have heard from my friends that horse girls are usually nuts (lol).

 

In other words, whether she could be clinically diagnosed for a disorder based on what kind of soup she likes, it doesn't change the outcome of the story: it's over. The link you two shared that somehow made you believe her health issues were your business is now gone. The only health problems you should be focusing on right now are your own, and it starts by trying to heal your own heart.

 

It's okay to be angry and sad but there is always a string of consciousness that allows you to cut an idea, that prevents you from feeding it and turning it into a theory that will make you feel validated and comfortable for a while but whose only REAL effect is distracting you from facing the fact that she was a normal girl that decided to end a normal relationship at an age where you reach adulthood and what you want starts getting defined, you could blame it on some disease, something she has no full control over, GIGS, but the sooner you realize she made the decision in full awareness and there's only so much time you can waste on googling different syndromes to categorize her behavior, hanging your hopes in them and delaying your recovery, the more freedom you'll have to heal, find peace in accepting what happened and be genuinely hopeful about the future and not details you may have missed from the past.