awalkert Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 I think I have a problem. My boyfriend (of two months) has many close female friends, but one in particular worries me. They have known each other over a year and are very close. Many times we are out she calls him and they talk at length (but he doesn't mention I am with him.) I have met her once at a new year eve party and she is very a sexy and bubbly person...but maybe quite surface...not looking for boyfriend but just fun. He is very touchy feely in general but was fondling her neck at one point in the party which make me pretty uncomfortable. He says he doesn't fancy her, but says she is just like a mate with who she can share everything..including sexual fantasies (he tried to deny this at a later date), and she has told him about her one night stands. He says that he thinks I'm a very jealous person, but he quite likes it because it shows I care. In many ways he is very romantic and caring and sensitive. However, he is also a very sexual person..which is also why I think there must be more than just friendship going on with this girl. Am I being paranoid? How should I approach the issue?
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 By letting him know exactly how deeply uncomfortable it makes you and why. You may have mentioned it to him, or hinted at it - but have you sat him down in a serious deep one-to-one about it? What you want to do is not question his relationship with the girl, but to let him know how what he is doing makes you feel. He may be well aware that you don't like it, but maybe if you talk to him about why you don't like it and the effect(s) it has on you he will change. If he doesn't, or gets overly defensive or angry, or tries to turn unwarranted accusations onto you: "you are too jealous/controlling", or "you just want to destroy all my friendships", or just outright blunt refusal to listen to you - then you can take that as a hint that there is more to it than appears. It is likely that they are FWB, but then again - its just as likely that they aren't. Either way, keep the focus on you - and how the situation affects you. Then he can take that knowledge and act accordingly. How he acts will let you know whether or not you want to invest any more time into this relationship.
iceisles Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by awalkert Am I being paranoid? How should I approach the issue? Not at all. Your jealously and concern is normal. You really need to tell him that you are not comfortable with how close he is with her, and that all of the sexual things need to stop. I believe you have a right to ask for that because he should not acting that way around someone else if he is around you. There's very likely nothing going on between them, but he has to make you feel absolutely certain of that. As long as there is doubt, your jealously will continue to escalate. If he refuses to "back down" with that girl and it continued to make you uncomfortable, I would move on - no matter how romantic, caring, or sensitive he is.
jellybean Posted January 8, 2005 Posted January 8, 2005 A man does not choose a woman as a friend, unless he wants more....
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