murasaki Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by LoveHurtz He isn't telling her he wants to work it out, that is the thing. But neither is he leaving. Even if you give him the benefit of a doubt and believe that he's not telling you one thing and his wife something else, his actions just aren't backing up what he's saying. And the thing is, this doesn't seem to be the first time that he finds himself feeling ambivalent about obligations that he took on: But, like I said, the marriage was a sham from the beginning. He knows he should have put the wedding off, but he felt obligated to go through with it. He didn't want to disappoint everyone. So, he's been living for her, her family, etc. for the last year. I'm not suggesting that he really loves his wife, or that he doesn't love you. I'm just pointing out that even with the little bits you've told us about this guy, a pattern of indecision, premature promises, and general cowardice emerges. Hindsight is much clearer, of course. And I'm not saying that it would have been easy for anyone to call off a wedding. But better to do that than have to go through the hassle of a divorce, after wasting your spouse's time. Much more consuming, damaging, and difficult to recover from. LoveHurtz, I'm just asking you to stop focusing so much on what the wife is or isn't doing, is or isn't accepting, etc., and look at what this guy is doing -- to you, and to her. You might be a very different person from his wife, but take it from me, you can tell a lot about a person by hearing about how they were with their exes. It's never ever just one person's fault.
Author LoveHurtz Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 Believe me, I KNOW that most of this is HIS fault. He chose to go ahead with the wedding. He chose to stuff his feelings for me before he even met his wife. But, I did the same. We both made mistakes in this. I agree that the focus needs to be off of W. I am looking at his patterns and recognizing his mistakes. However, I love him unconditionally....flaws and all. I have for 6 years. Unless he abuses me, treats me badly, cheats on me once we are together....I will love him. If it weren't for that unconditional love...I'd have been long gone by now.
Author LoveHurtz Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 And....HE IS LEAVING he says. But, he just started being honest with W 2 days ago. So, it will take a minute to get out and separate.
Author LoveHurtz Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 This was MM's latest IM to me: "I admit that in the past I have giving her the impression that I want to work through this. That is not what is happening now. I told you I am being honest with her. If you noticed she hasn't sent you any e-mail since then." This does make sense and I haven't gotten any emails. SO, all I can do is take his word and if he's lying....I AM SOOOO THROUGH!!
SummerRae Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Best of luck LoveHurtz... perhaps my opinion is a bit tainted by my experiences but I agree with the Actions speak louder than words... Time will tell though, right? Hang in there, i know it must be hard!
Recommended Posts