Versacehottie Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 what you said just above ^^^ is going to get you what you want in a relationship. Work on believing it to your core and living it. good luck 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 You have done nothing wrong. Men (especially at his age) know that women are vulnerable the first time they have sex and I don't see how your text is that bad. If he liked you, he would be quick to reassure you that you mean more to him than ONS.. You were being WAY to hard on yourself. He is just a garden variety "pump and dump" guy. 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 You will be fine. The fact you are seeking advice on here is a great sign. You clearly want to better yourself, by improving the way you deal with men. Look, the way you acted is not enough to turn off a guy who is really into you. If he was really interested in you, he would have swiftly replied to your message where you asked him whether it was a one night thing.
CrystalCastles Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Will you quit gushing about how "awesome" and "perfect" this loser is? :sick: There's not an ounce of truth in it. He really is not. At all. I don't care how stunning you say he is, there are 3.5 billion other guys on this planet and I'm sure plenty of them are stunning too. A perfect guy doesn't lead people on, use them and then throw them away like yesterday's newspaper. "Stunning" doesn't excuse him from using you. Like I said, there are plenty of stunning guys out there. I've dated quite a few of them before, also been hit on quite a few of them. A "perfect" guy is one who treats a woman like a lady, not like a sex object to be used and abused. "Perfect" has nothing to do with looks or money, because honestly, there are PLENTY of guys out there with looks and money, but few of them know how to treat a woman right. Don't contact this guy. Ever. Again. He can go screw himself. You've gotten waaaay too attached to a guy you barely know. A guy can tell you everything you'd ever want to hear: how he loves you, how amazing you are, how you're the girlfriend he's been waiting for his whole life, basically anything to charm his way into your pants. He'll fake interest in things you like, gush about how much fun he's having with you and how special you are. I've heard all this bullsh*t before because I've dated guys like this. What a guy like this is trying to do is to make you feel secure. Secure so that you'll take your pants off for him. You shouldn't be buying his words until you see his actions. If a guy truly loves you and thinks you're special, he'll stick around until you're ready to have sex. Don't ever feel like you need to have sex to keep a guy around. And don't go to his house on the first/second/third/fourth date. It's very easy to get carried away when you're at his house. And especially when you're at his house and drunk. I'd suggest to hold a guy at arm's length when you're first dating him to see if his words match up with his actions. If a guy likes you, he'll do his best to impress you so you'll pick him over all the other guys. He'll respect you. When you see all of this happen, you can then allow the guy into your heart. But he has to show (rather than say) that he is trustworthy and honest. I think you're infatuated with this guy. You're amplifying any good features he has and you're acting like he's a saint. When you take those rose-colored glasses off, you'll see that he's just as ordinary as everyone else. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I have just noticed that in your past thread, you said that you were in a relationship on Dec 21st where you claimed you were in love with your bf. I get that it probably fell apart but it's such a short time ago that I believe you are rebounding. Your emotions are magnified and what you are feeling is a combination of grieving for your past relationship and this new guy. I suggest you take a bit of a break from dating and allow yourself time to heal.
Author JennHenn Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Thank you for all of your replies, it really has helped me a lot and I do believe that you're right. To be honest, I'm 24 and for the whole of my adult life, I have not been single. I met a guy when I had just turned 17 (he was 21) and stayed with him for 6 years. Then only a month after we broke up, I met someone else (who was younger than me) and was with him until about a month ago too. So that's why I'm so inexperienced when it comes to all of this. I've always let how things are going in the relationships control my emotions. When things were going good, I was happy. When things were bad, I'd feel sometimes like it was the end of the world. But I definitely think that I need time for me now. So that I know that when I'm with a guy, even if it ends, I'll be ok on my own. Thanks again everyone
Author JennHenn Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 I have just noticed that in your past thread, you said that you were in a relationship on Dec 21st where you claimed you were in love with your bf. I get that it probably fell apart but it's such a short time ago that I believe you are rebounding. Your emotions are magnified and what you are feeling is a combination of grieving for your past relationship and this new guy. I suggest you take a bit of a break from dating and allow yourself time to heal. Wow, I actually didn't realise it was only that long ago, feels like so much longer! Which is a good thing, I guess. But yeah, definitely time for me now.
Author JennHenn Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 My computer's rubbish and I can't tell if this message I've posted went through! So will put it again (sorry if you've already read it... Thank you for all of your replies, it really has helped me a lot and I do believe that you're right. To be honest, I'm 24 and for the whole of my adult life, I have not been single. I met a guy when I had just turned 17 (he was 21) and stayed with him for 6 years. Then only a month after we broke up, I met someone else (who was younger than me) and was with him until about a month ago too. So that's why I'm so inexperienced when it comes to all of this. I've always let how things are going in the relationships control my emotions. When things were going good, I was happy. When things were bad, I'd feel sometimes like it was the end of the world. But I definitely think that I need time for me now. So that I know that when I'm with a guy, even if it ends, I'll be ok on my own. Thanks again everyone
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Yep - I didn't mean to call you out just pointing at the bigger picture. You will forget this guy quickly. Perhaps it's a blessing in disguise that it didn't turn into a relationship
winny Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Will you quit gushing about how "awesome" and "perfect" this loser is? :sick: There's not an ounce of truth in it. He really is not. At all. I don't care how stunning you say he is, there are 3.5 billion other guys on this planet and I'm sure plenty of them are stunning too. A perfect guy doesn't lead people on, use them and then throw them away like yesterday's newspaper. "Stunning" doesn't excuse him from using you. Like I said, there are plenty of stunning guys out there. I've dated quite a few of them before, also been hit on quite a few of them. A "perfect" guy is one who treats a woman like a lady, not like a sex object to be used and abused. "Perfect" has nothing to do with looks or money, because honestly, there are PLENTY of guys out there with looks and money, but few of them know how to treat a woman right. Don't contact this guy. Ever. Again. He can go screw himself. You've gotten waaaay too attached to a guy you barely know. A guy can tell you everything you'd ever want to hear: how he loves you, how amazing you are, how you're the girlfriend he's been waiting for his whole life, basically anything to charm his way into your pants. He'll fake interest in things you like, gush about how much fun he's having with you and how special you are. I've heard all this bullsh*t before because I've dated guys like this. What a guy like this is trying to do is to make you feel secure. Secure so that you'll take your pants off for him. You shouldn't be buying his words until you see his actions. If a guy truly loves you and thinks you're special, he'll stick around until you're ready to have sex. Don't ever feel like you need to have sex to keep a guy around. And don't go to his house on the first/second/third/fourth date. It's very easy to get carried away when you're at his house. And especially when you're at his house and drunk. I'd suggest to hold a guy at arm's length when you're first dating him to see if his words match up with his actions. If a guy likes you, he'll do his best to impress you so you'll pick him over all the other guys. He'll respect you. When you see all of this happen, you can then allow the guy into your heart. But he has to show (rather than say) that he is trustworthy and honest. I think you're infatuated with this guy. You're amplifying any good features he has and you're acting like he's a saint. When you take those rose-colored glasses off, you'll see that he's just as ordinary as everyone else. Wow you are on a roll!
CrystalCastles Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Wow you are on a roll! Hahaha hope that's a good thing! Just my experience, I've been where the OP has been (minus the sex), and getting attached too quickly, only to realize that the guy was only after sex hurts a lot. I remember that hurt when I read threads like these, so I tend to get infuriated by the losers that cause people like the OP that kind of hurt.
EmilyJane Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Thanks for the reply. I've been thinking about it more, and I'm thinking that maybe he didn't use me, and that it's my fault. After I'd slept with him, I got home and texted him to say that (as he asked me to). He didn't reply though. I got drunk with friends that night and stupidly txted him asking if it was a one-time thing for him. THEN when he didn't reply, I called him. I have since apologised for this, and tried to make a joke out of the fact that I was drunk. He was never the same with me after that. The last text I sent was something like 'just want to apologise again for the other night, was just really drunk. hope I haven't put you off too much?' So yeah, it's my fault. I went from being this strong, in control person, to a needy weirdo. Can't blame him for anything. Just wish he'd reply. But what the hell can you reply to that? 'yeah, you have put me off actually' ... he's not going to want to say that. This is all my fault. Sorry for wasting everyone's time on this thread. I hate me Don't be silly. Don't hate you. Everything is a lesson and I swear with guys the major one is learning to be discerning on who is valuable enough to show vulnerability too. Get tough. Cut him out ruthlessly and tirelessly because he's an idiot for missing out on you - a real treasure!
winny Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 How do I post up my question new to this.... There is a "new thread" button here: Dating - LoveShack.org Community Forums
winny Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Hahaha hope that's a good thing! Just my experience, I've been where the OP has been (minus the sex), and getting attached too quickly, only to realize that the guy was only after sex hurts a lot. I remember that hurt when I read threads like these, so I tend to get infuriated by the losers that cause people like the OP that kind of hurt. I know... have read your threads I have been there myself too... minus the sex.. lol Am just happy to see your answer... its just spot on... And am happy about how I feel now myself... and I hope for Jen here to get over all this and stop blaming herself and get into a good place soon
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