Author JennHenn Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 I know what you mean, and you're right. I can't explain it though. I don't fall easily, I really don't. He just had the whole package: Intelligence Shared interests and sense of humour Comes from a similar background to me (not much money), but he's pretty much rich now from building up his own business (it's not the money that attracts me, it's that he worked so hard from nothing and managed to achieve it) He's stunning Really do feel like I won't ever meet someone who I want as much as him. Feel like I'll just keep comparing others to him, which I know I shouldn't do, but I just feel like men like him don't come around very often. And if they do, they most probably won't be as interested in me as he was. I can't believe I blew something so great that probably won't come around again. Idiot!
MidwestUSA Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I know what you mean, and you're right. I can't explain it though. I don't fall easily, I really don't. He just had the whole package: Intelligence Shared interests and sense of humour Comes from a similar background to me (not much money), but he's pretty much rich (it's not the money that attracts me, it's that he worked so hard from nothing and managed to achieve it) He's stunning Really do feel like I won't ever meet someone who I want as much as him. Feel like I'll just keep comparing others to him, which I know I shouldn't do, but I just feel like men like him don't come around very often. And if they do, they most probably won't be as interested in me as he was. I can't believe I blew something so great that probably won't come around again. Idiot! Well, you could always call him up and invite him to your place. I mean, you've already had sex with him! Make a nice dinner, bottle of wine. Not normally what I'd recommend, but I had sex on a second date once, and thought I'd surely blown it. That he'd think surely I did that with everyone/anyone. We're married now! Just put the crazy card away. Lock up your phone if you're going to drink.
Author JennHenn Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Thanks Midwest That does give me a bit of hope! Maybe he's not been in touch because, as I asked him what he wanted, he might be worried that I want a relationship right now and doesn't want to give me the impression that he does too. I think I'll leave it a week, then just invite him over. I am scared of getting rejected, but I think that if he's not going to get in touch anyway, there is no way to make that worse. If he rejects the invite - I don't ever see him again, if I don't try - I don't ever see him again. So I think it's worth a shot! Yes, if he does reject me, I might kick myself afterwards for 'chasing' him. But equally, if I don't try, and it gets to a point where we haven't spoken in that long that it'd just be weird to try, I might kick myself for not doing! Sorry, just typing out all of my thoughts as it seems to help!
Author JennHenn Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 And yes, you're right. I definitely need to lock my phone away when drinking I've said for a while now that phones should come with built-in breathalysers
MidwestUSA Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Thanks Midwest That does give me a bit of hope! Maybe he's not been in touch because, as I asked him what he wanted, he might be worried that I want a relationship right now and doesn't want to give me the impression that he does too. I think I'll leave it a week, then just invite him over. I am scared of getting rejected, but I think that if he's not going to get in touch anyway, there is no way to make that worse. If he rejects the invite - I don't ever see him again, if I don't try - I don't ever see him again. So I think it's worth a shot! Yes, if he does reject me, I might kick myself afterwards for 'chasing' him. But equally, if I don't try, and it gets to a point where we haven't spoken in that long that it'd just be weird to try, I might kick myself for not doing! Sorry, just typing out all of my thoughts as it seems to help! Well, what do you have to lose? Your pride? NOT! At least you'll have your answer if you go this route. Good luck!
Author JennHenn Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Thank you! Sorry just one more question, do you think I should call him or text him? Calling might seem needy and put him on the spot, but at least I can get an answer. Texting is more casual, but makes it easier for him to not reply, and a reply either way is really all I'm wanting right now
Versacehottie Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Well, you could always call him up and invite him to your place. I mean, you've already had sex with him! Make a nice dinner, bottle of wine. Not normally what I'd recommend, but I had sex on a second date once, and thought I'd surely blown it. That he'd think surely I did that with everyone/anyone. We're married now! Just put the crazy card away. Lock up your phone if you're going to drink. Wow, well it does happen! But in my view, it wasn't about sleeping with him that had this guy run away. It was her phone calls or texts that were needy and insecure. Your (great!) example is the opposite of that. You showed confidence and took the lead and that's not necessarily a bad thing to some guys. Actually I also know a few examples like yours, but they were like yours done with completely confidence and not as a fix-it--it happens, I just think Jenn's circumstances are different and if she doesn't learn something self-esteem building from this, she will have more of these unfortunate incidences. Congratulations on your cool husband!
anna121 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I think contacting him is a dumb idea. You're too invested. You won't be able to remain cool. He will sense it. It will give him even more power than he has now. In a different context, I think it would be fine, but not after what has gone down between you. The only way you can possibly regain equilibrium in this sitch is for him to contact YOU, and have to WORK for it. If he doesn't, that's your answer. 4
miafarrow Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) Do not call him/text him ever again. Do not be like me! Look, I'm daiting someone, we had sex on our 4th date, but the difference is that the guy I'm seeing is my ex, who was and still is pretty into me! I got drunk on NYE, so I texed him a text message with so many kiss smiles! He replied in the same way as I did and even said something romantic. At 5 am, I got so drunk and copy pasted youtube link and texted him with a note <3 we are a bit drunk You know what? I'm the worst drunk text slut ever, who gets so sensitive and emotional...Before I would keep apologising and apologising. What did I do yesterday?! I closed my FB account (which he knows I want to close, I told him that long time ago how FB sucks) I vanished frome eveyrone and I don't care what will he think of me!! I seriously don't for the first time in my life and he will not get my apologizes like ever. Next time I'll contact him in a couple of days, I could even make a joke about it, haha! Don't do anything, throw you phone, relax and enjoy, if he is into you he will call you and ask you out and he will not care that you are an alocholic! He would find it sweet and adorable, if not, you know he is an ******* Edited January 2, 2014 by miafarrow
MidwestUSA Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Thank you! Sorry just one more question, do you think I should call him or text him? Calling might seem needy and put him on the spot, but at least I can get an answer. Texting is more casual, but makes it easier for him to not reply, and a reply either way is really all I'm wanting right now I would probably call. Have your spiel ready and be calm. Act as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened between the two of you. Have definite plans, date/time, the works. If you have to leave it on voicemail, give all the details of the invite, so that he'll kinda be forced to 'RSVP'. Give him a few days notice.
Zahara Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 After reading what transpired in your other thread, please do not contact him. Wait for him to contact you. Silence is difficult to accept but nonetheless, it's a very clear and loud message. 2
MidwestUSA Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Wow, well it does happen! But in my view, it wasn't about sleeping with him that had this guy run away. It was her phone calls or texts that were needy and insecure. Your (great!) example is the opposite of that. You showed confidence and took the lead and that's not necessarily a bad thing to some guys. Actually I also know a few examples like yours, but they were like yours done with completely confidence and not as a fix-it--it happens, I just think Jenn's circumstances are different and if she doesn't learn something self-esteem building from this, she will have more of these unfortunate incidences. Congratulations on your cool husband! Thanks! We're not perfect, but we're perfect for each other! I knew my suggestion wasn't going to be popular, and I usually go the route of trying to teach "lessons". Agree, it was the crazy that drove him away. Even if he was wanting a FWB arrangement, the crazy would have ruined it. I'm basically giving Jenn an answer she wants to hear. It may be a stupid idea, and she may end up even more distraught than she is now. But life is all about lessons learned. Meh, maybe I'm a cup of coffee short today, LOL! 1
RedRobin Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 So you def think he was just after sex? And even if I hadn't have slept with him right away, and acted the way I did afterwards, he would have just done the same thing after we had eventually slept together? Here's my question.... why do you care? He sounds like an a-hole. Can't even send you some note saying he's sorry, but doesn't think it's going to work or whatever... ... and here is the answer to your question... yes, guys like him are a-holes no matter what you decide to do. If you waited, you just would have seen his a-holeness come out in other ways that would have kept more of your self-respect intact. He's not worth even one more minute of your time. 1
odin673 Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 After reading what transpired in your other thread, please do not contact him. Wait for him to contact you. Silence is difficult to accept but nonetheless, it's a very clear and loud message. This. If he's interested he will contact you. By inviting him over you're setting yourself for pump and dump #2 3
RedRobin Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 This. If he's interested he will contact you. By inviting him over you're setting yourself for pump and dump #2 ... or being his booty call girl. STOP IT! FYI... This is one big reason why I tell young women not to bother with older men. You don't have a clue, OP... and if you are concerned that he is messing with you now, how do you think it's going to feel later?! WTF... Next time, make people show with their ACTIONS, not their words... and yea, stop drinking too. You are lucky it didn't end up a whole lot worse. (palm slap to head). Why do you give a cr*p what this guy thinks for chrissakes???
bubbaganoosh Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I really can't stop thinking about how great things could have been and now there's nothing I can do to get back this perfect guy. Nothing. Jen. There is no such thing a s a perfect guy..........or woman. We all have our flaws. There's a whole lot more to a guy besides looks, charm and wit. He charmed you out of your clothes and by your post, he's also charming you out of your dignity if your not careful. IMO this guy is smooth and this isn't his first rodeo with ONS's and if you call or text him, your going to get the same thing you got before and this time you'll have to take full blame for it. You learned a tough lesson. You can get something out of it and move on or get hurt again. He'll hand you a good line and hope you take the bait and you'll be back to square one again just like the spider to the fly. Jump in his web and your dead.
winny Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Hi Jen, Why can't you just be patient and see if he contacts you? Whatever u did is done now... cannot be changed. If you do not want it to be worse then just stop. I don't think he is obsessing over you right now the way you are... Else he would have already contacted you. If you go NC, he might miss you and try to contact you. If he doesn't, you have your answer. I think that's the best way... If you stop blaming yourself for some time you might be able to see his shortcomings... No guy or gal is PERFECT. You know it yourself... Get out of the illusion. ~Winny 1
ae86drift Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 you seem desperate, just tell the truth sorry.
Oomlotte Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Don't go any further with this - like most people have said DONT contact him! It will be better for you to get nothing from him than see him randomly for six months, get more involved, and feel worse. And he'll feel like an ass and see you out of pity and you'll know it and feel like a fool. He will probably like you as a person and it will be hard to tell the truth but one day you'll push it and he will and you'll feel betrayed and mislead but you weren't because he showed you who he was and what he wanted six months earlier - right now, with his silence. Let it go and just realize you learned you need more - you want attention and you want to be with someone you aren't constantly afraid will be annoyed by your attempts to communicate and open up.
regine_phalange Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I wouldnt want to continue anything with someone so lukewarm.... Boring. 1
stillafool Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Fair enough, maybe he's not interested any more, but he could at least man up and say it. He's 35 (11 years older than I am) and he's just stopped texting. I just want some kind of closure. I've only ever slept with 2 other people, and I waited a while before sleeping with both of them. Only reason I did with this guy was that he told me he wanted us to go do all of these other things together at later dates. He should give me an answer is all I'm thinking. I'm crazy about this guy he showed me sooo much attention before this. Maybe that's why I'm obsessing, but I feel like any kind of response will feel better than this horrible silence Even if he told you he was going to take you on "all of these other things at a later date" it does not mean he wants a "relationship" with you. You must have wanted the sex too and that also is why you slept with him. Otherwise you are saying you rewarded him with sex because he told you that he would take you on future dates. Please do not chase after him because he will be completely turned off. Next time before you have sex make sure that you really are in a relationship. Some women can handle sex with no commitment but you obviously can't. 2
fabulous Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 if a man wants to contact you he will. your behavior seemed very clingy and desperate. not a good way to make positive impressions on a man who is probably still ambivalent about the character of your relationship and the future direction it should take. 1
stillafool Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Thank you! Sorry just one more question, do you think I should call him or text him? Calling might seem needy and put him on the spot, but at least I can get an answer. Texting is more casual, but makes it easier for him to not reply, and a reply either way is really all I'm wanting right now No, do not call him or text. If he's interested beyond the sex he will contact you. If the sex was good he will contact you for more sex when he's ready. This is not the only man out there so if he doesn't call you, you still have plenty of other options and a chance to start out fresh.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 It's not your fault,guys blatantly lie and deceive. They should all be hanged.ha
Author JennHenn Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Thanks for all of the advice. Feel like such an idiot. He chased me because he believed that I was cool and laid back, then in one quick swoop, I let him know otherwise. But now I'm thinking, to be fair, if he was the great person I thought he was, he would have reassured me to a point where I didn't end up that way. I am quite a bit younger than him, and he knows that I'm very inexperienced in dating. I didn't say to him "do you want a relationship", I simply said "was last night a one-time thing?". Shouldn't have said it, but I did.. But if he actually did like me before that, he would and should have said "no, I'd like to see you again, maybe just take it slow though", or something like that, because for all he knew, I could have gone off him at that point. But he didn't. So I shouldn't blame myself too much for getting insecure when he avoided the question then avoided it some more. Even though I was drunk, if he would have said that, I would have been like "ok", and not pushed for anything further. And yeah we were texting a little after that, but he was short with me. And yes, my last text was needy, as I apologised again for the drunken messages. But the reason I even felt the need to do that was because he was off with me ever since. He reassured me in no way. Maybe I don't want someone like that. And even though my last text was needy, and maybe put him off for good, I do believe that he should have replied. To me his silence spells one thing - coward. It's not like he's a teenager, or new to dating in any way. He's 35 and his longest relationship was 2 years. He's clearly experienced in this. Sorry, just trying to give my self an inspirational talk I guess, to try and feel better in some way. Haven't been sleeping well at all can't eat. I know that it's a learning experience, but part of me keeps thinking 'why did did I have to mess up with someone so great?', so trying to talk myself round to thinking that, actually, he's not that great. So I have a new theory now: I'll be fine because I'm awesome ( I don't actually believe that as of yet, and am in no way big-headed, but it's the attitude I hope to have soon, so I'll keep telling myself ) 3
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