singme2sleep Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 In two weeks it will be a year since my ex broke up with me. I honestly pity myself for still missing someone who so clearly doesn't miss me. We haven't had any contact since the beginning of last April so I have no idea where is life has taken him. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. I may not cry over him anymore, but he still comes to mind daily. It's frustrating because a part of me does have the "his loss" attitude, I value myself and know I'm a good catch. Yet the other part of me continues to feel the sting of his abrupt rejection. While I think I have made progress in moving on, I do try to keep my eyes open for the possibility of someone new. I've had a few almosts, been asked out, though I just had no interest in those individuals. My ex and I had sparks/this instant connection from the start. I want to look towards 2014 with hope but I'm afraid I'll never find another relationship. Guys always think girls have it easier and have all these options, but there isn't exactly a line of men waiting to take my ex's place. I put myself out there, I try looking my best in a public setting, I smile and make conversation when there's the opportunity, yet here I am, alone after a year. I'm 26 and over the bar scene (which usually consists of drunk males hitting on you for no other purpose than a one night stand) and years before my ex I tried the whole online dating thing. I feel about 80% healed and the other 20% will be just this dull ache in my heart until I find somebody else to love. But what if I never do? Guess I'm just wondering if anyone feels this way, even sometimes...
JDPT Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I'm sound like a nice wholesome woman. And in due time you will find what you are looking forward. I'm currently at 8 months post BU and to this day go through my moments, it's clearly not a linear process. I have not attempted to fill the void my ex left when she left although I will like to but my confidence level is not quiet there yet. I know I'm ready to start playing the field as I no longer compare my ex to every other girl in the world. Give yourself time and be gentle with yourself. There isn't an exact set time when we will be fully healed. In 4 months I expect to be in much better shape both physically and mentally. I'm happy to safe that I have me tremendous progress during these 8 months. Keep working on yourself, and simply don't give up. When you least expect it you will meet that guy once again who will won't be able to stop thinking or talking about day and night and who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 JDPT- Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. 1
gullibleme Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I wonder the same thing at times..it's been a year and a half since my BU. I have absolutely no interest in any man still at this point and wonder if I will ever find a man with the connection I once had with him. Sometimes it feels depressing to think I may never have that again but I just keep trudging along keeping myself open to the possibility. It is a lonely ache I feel sometimes but then I think do I really want the trouble of starting all over again...My ex texted me in Oct asking for another chance after a year and a half...I couldn't do it. I scoffed at it actually..I value myself and realized he wasn't the one for ME! One day at a time is all I can do...Hope you have a great NEW 2014!! 2
InnocentMan Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 The memory of some people just stay with you forever, even if the passing time dulls the pain somewhat. There's no magic cure, or time limit. It's just the way it is. Even finding a new love is no guarantee of erasing the feeling of loss. The best you can do, is find a way to live with it. Accept that it may always be a part of you, but there's nothing much you can do to make it suddenly disappear. It's actually a blessing that you have met someone that had a profound effect on you. Small consolation, but some people never get to feel such a connection. 5
Author singme2sleep Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 I wonder the same thing at times..it's been a year and a half since my BU. I have absolutely no interest in any man still at this point and wonder if I will ever find a man with the connection I once had with him. Sometimes it feels depressing to think I may never have that again but I just keep trudging along keeping myself open to the possibility. It is a lonely ache I feel sometimes but then I think do I really want the trouble of starting all over again...My ex texted me in Oct asking for another chance after a year and a half...I couldn't do it. I scoffed at it actually..I value myself and realized he wasn't the one for ME! One day at a time is all I can do...Hope you have a great NEW 2014!! You said he reached out and wanted to try again after a year and a half... Can I ask why he ended it in the first place? Did you have any consistent contact with him, prior to his attempt to get you back? And do you know if he dated in that time before making contact?
Author singme2sleep Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 It's actually a blessing that you have met someone that had a profound effect on you. Small consolation, but some people never get to feel such a connection. That's a very good point! It just sucks to not have that anymore :-(
gullibleme Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 He ended it because he was "Confused" didn't know what he wanted..obviously wasn't me I thought. He strung me along for months til I finally just cut all contact..he kept asking me back and I did about three times..finally I said we need to stop contacting each other..I moped and cried and sulked for months til I got sick of myself!! I changed my train of thought and just told myself I hated him..it was my way to recover..it worked for me. I no longer hate him a year and a half later and when he texted me a couple months back I at first was thrilled..really was hard not to sit and have the talk he wanted to have...(that I wanted long ago) but I remembered the pain and humiliation I felt and then I kinda scoffed at the idea and said no. I can finally be friendly but he is not my friend.
gullibleme Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Oh and yes he was seeing someone else very soon after we finally quit contact..I guess he realized he wasn't getting me back and moved on...they broke up and then he started contacting me..it was obvious he was simply just lonely and I wasn't gonna lower myself to him even with the words" I was the right girl it just wasn't the right time" ...life goes on and he lost me!
Author singme2sleep Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 He ended it because he was "Confused" didn't know what he wanted..obviously wasn't me I thought. He strung me along for months til I finally just cut all contact..he kept asking me back and I did about three times..finally I said we need to stop contacting each other..I moped and cried and sulked for months til I got sick of myself!! I changed my train of thought and just told myself I hated him..it was my way to recover..it worked for me. I no longer hate him a year and a half later and when he texted me a couple months back I at first was thrilled..really was hard not to sit and have the talk he wanted to have...(that I wanted long ago) but I remembered the pain and humiliation I felt and then I kinda scoffed at the idea and said no. I can finally be friendly but he is not my friend. Yeah I got that "confused" crap too! Funny, he wasn't confused when he was first pursuing me, or whenever we had sex. 1
gullibleme Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 The confused crap is such a cop out isn't it..they obviously loved us and that was the struggle they had I do believe that but....you can't treat someone that way! I know what it is to love unconditionally now..didn't actually have that before him..It wasn't reciprocated and I cannot control that...I know I learned alot from that relationship and will carry that with me knowing I am a good person who can actually give ALOT in a relationship ...I know when to leave now too I've pretty much been a pushover most of my life (gullible) Have a huge heart and don't want to be bitter so I am just being cautious..I don't want this to change who I am..I have just become more aware.
Author singme2sleep Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 The confused crap is such a cop out isn't it..they obviously loved us and that was the struggle they had I do believe that but....you can't treat someone that way! I know what it is to love unconditionally now..didn't actually have that before him..It wasn't reciprocated and I cannot control that...I know I learned alot from that relationship and will carry that with me knowing I am a good person who can actually give ALOT in a relationship. I feel the same way! I loved him unconditionally and he didn't love me to that same degree. I remember asking him when he came to the decision to end our relationship and he said "just within the last few days". It's like I was voted off the island or something. I had no say in it and he had all the power. Well I too learned a lot and if I do ever find someone else, I will be wiser.
maturityassets Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I would say stop comparing the sparks you had with your ex compared to the new men. Not that I'm saying you are doing it intentionally... Just give it some time if you do find somebody that has the characteristics you want with a man. My current girlfriend there was about a 3-4 month period when we were dating where I was really unsure. It was right after a break up and I was fearing she was just a rebound. But their were a number of things that kept me trying. First we had a lot of things in common... She went to university like I do (something my ex didn't do), she comes from a similar background, likes the same type of interests and just loves to hear me talk about mine, and she knows how to have fun with me and at a party (where she doesn't cling on to me like my ex did). I just accepted that my current girlfriend and my ex are just totally two different people and that neither of them can or will replace the other. My ex was my first serious long relationship, she was my first love, she was the first one that opened me up to sexual activity on a normal basis, and someone whose family took me in whole heartedly. But with my current girl there are different things we go through... We deal with her family because her dad tries to control everything, we talk about philosophy and psychology for example, compare our music taste, became very comfortable with sex together... You realize that over time when dealing with new things in life with different people and you learn to love people for those moments you shared rather than what you project on to them what you think they should be. So yeah I will never forget my ex but I certainly don't miss the relationship. I just use that relationship as a reminder of how much growing up people still go through their whole life and that you just learn to embrace all the parts are whole heartedly apart of you... Good luck and don't worry you'll be fine regardless!
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