hurt for loving Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I'm ashamed to say that I am having a truly weak moment right now. I read through the emails between us again (explained in my other posts). I hate that I am still crying over this. I think even after all he's done, I still love him. That's why it hurts so much. And that although he keeps saying he cares for and respects me and he's so sorry and doesn't think all the things he wrote in the bad email anymore etc. I'm so confused. I can't take this. I said to myself I would not contact him again. I'm so tired of fighting for what is important to me. Just once I want to be fought for. I want someone to hold me so tight the broken pieces go back together. I miss him so ****ing much. But it hurts more that I know he won't make that effort for me. Or that even knowing I was the best thing in his life, he does even truly realise or feel anything other than guilt and pity. I am sorry for this guys. After so long I've cracked again.
JDPT Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Delete the emails immediately. Get rid of everything and anything that may remind you of him. You continue to stick the knife in the wound, allow it to heal. We are all been through the wringer and back, I know how excruciating the pain can be, you literally feel as if the life is being drained out of you. However, know that these are weak moments and that they will eventually pass with time but most importantly tons of effort on your behalf. Be strong, don't give up and continue to proactively contribute towards your recovery.
Author hurt for loving Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 I deleted the emails. Like I said. I am done fighting and I know that even if he still loved me he would not make the effort I would. It hurts so much. Just back to the start again. Here's hoping 2014 is full of less bawbaggery than last year eh? Thank's guys.
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