The worst feeling ever.

[MichaelLindsay]

Just split up with my girlfriend of almost 3 years. She ended it a couple of days after cmas. Im almost 26

 

The weird thing is that i truly believe it was me that caused it to fail. She was amazing apart from some normal things that everyone does.

 

We have had a couple of major fall outs before when we have both said we think its over but we always spoke and basically couldn't wait to see each other after a few days.

 

i just feel like something happened this time to really set it home to her.

 

I feel so ashamed to have ****ed up such an amazing opportunity and all i want to do is let her know how much i took for granted and get her back before its too late.

 

its truly the hardest thing iv ever went through in my life and i feel like i just cant cope anymore feeling like this. its surreal.

 

I messaged her to tell her how sorry i am but she just keeps ignoring me which is totally not like her at all.

 

she was so excited for me coming over for xmas aswell and so was i.

 

iv literally sat in my bed crying constantly and not yet have a felt a sense of it being over. she has posted several messages on facebook saying how excited she is for 2014 and i just feel like shes trying to make a point. i think she may think iv done something really bad like cheat but she doesn't speak to me.

 

The urge to message her is just overwhelming.

 

We met at a festival at lockness in scotland. The other night a drove 4 hours crying all the way. had a breakdown when i got there then drove back.

 

im so lost. life makes no sense and all i want her to do really is feel sorry for me and take me back.

 

i know she wont go out and sleep with other people or date straight away and i can never imagine a time i could either. like since we went out there was never single moment when i thought of being with anyone else and i know she was the same.

 

iv just ****ed up so much and really cant live with myself knowing that she dislikes me so much she would rather not talk after talking constantly ever single night for almost 3 years.

 

Im such an idiot. why does everyone take so much of there life for granted. even since iv just spent my time in my bed at home and when my mums asked how i have been iv snapped back.

 

Hell is real. This is it

[Mondmellonw]

Just split up with my girlfriend of almost 3 years. She ended it a couple of days after cmas. Im almost 26

 

The weird thing is that i truly believe it was me that caused it to fail. She was amazing apart from some normal things that everyone does.

 

We have had a couple of major fall outs before when we have both said we think its over but we always spoke and basically couldn't wait to see each other after a few days.

 

i just feel like something happened this time to really set it home to her.

 

I feel so ashamed to have ****ed up such an amazing opportunity and all i want to do is let her know how much i took for granted and get her back before its too late.

 

its truly the hardest thing iv ever went through in my life and i feel like i just cant cope anymore feeling like this. its surreal.

 

I messaged her to tell her how sorry i am but she just keeps ignoring me which is totally not like her at all.

 

she was so excited for me coming over for xmas aswell and so was i.

 

iv literally sat in my bed crying constantly and not yet have a felt a sense of it being over. she has posted several messages on facebook saying how excited she is for 2014 and i just feel like shes trying to make a point. i think she may think iv done something really bad like cheat but she doesn't speak to me.

 

The urge to message her is just overwhelming.

 

We met at a festival at lockness in scotland. The other night a drove 4 hours crying all the way. had a breakdown when i got there then drove back.

 

im so lost. life makes no sense and all i want her to do really is feel sorry for me and take me back.

 

i know she wont go out and sleep with other people or date straight away and i can never imagine a time i could either. like since we went out there was never single moment when i thought of being with anyone else and i know she was the same.

 

iv just ****ed up so much and really cant live with myself knowing that she dislikes me so much she would rather not talk after talking constantly ever single night for almost 3 years.

 

Im such an idiot. why does everyone take so much of there life for granted. even since iv just spent my time in my bed at home and when my mums asked how i have been iv snapped back.

 

Hell is real. This is it

Why is that you're saying you took her for granted?

How is that you showed her that?

[MichaelLindsay]

All the small things.

 

Her absolute devotion to the relationship, her support, understanding my faults, waking up next to her, her smile everything.

 

I began writing about the relationship from start to end and half way through i stopped. finally realising how immature and stupid i had been.

 

I have never cheated, cooked her amazing meals costing me hundreds of pounds taking hours and hours to make, bought her gifts but found it hard to show affection. My family isnt affectionate and neither am i.

 

its a part of my self i truly hate. but its hard. i found it hard to give her compliments and instead made stupid jokes which i totally never meant. but it was somehow easier to make jokes of everything than show my true feelings.

 

i wake up in the morning and the day is a worldwind of emotions. one minute i want to be her friend. then next i want to message her to tell her i wnat her to be happy without me, then i imagine her without me and growing old without her and i just want to do anything to get her back.

 

I feel like i would do anything for her and keep having the weirdest thoughts in my mind about things and people i would give up for her. its insane.

 

when it gets to around 1 in the morning is when it hurts most. i feel so alone and helpless. she loves with her mum and dad but all i wish is that she had her own flat so i could go over and try to get her back.

 

The only reason that im really writing this as it feels like im making progress in getting her back if i sit and type out how i feel.

 

I went out and bought some alcohol. Started drinking but then imagined how bad i would feel tomorrow hungover so stopped. then 10 minutes later id start again and just sit and cry.

 

Over the last few days i keep getting dressed going to my car and i start driving but i just stop, burt into tears and eventually turn back.

 

i had a plan to jump in my car and drive to london, over to france and then just disappear, but then i always have the thought that she will message me saying she cant cope being alone and want me back.

 

Sorry for the horrible grammar and spelling. i can barely see the screen im so upset.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Without knowing very much about this particular relationship she's no worth it.

 

"The one" wouldn't leave you. If they did, they wouldn't be the one. You think you "blew it." Regardless of what you may have done, it wasn't worth it to her to communicate with you and address it. She chose to end the relationship.

 

You sound committed to this relationship. Wouldn't you have stuck it out through good and through bad, and worked a way through the problems you had together? Someone who is committed to you will do exactly that, no excuses. And you're definitely worth a partner who is equally committed to the relationship. I have to keep reminding myself about that too.

[mtnbiker3000]

Without knowing very much about this particular relationship she's no worth it.

 

"The one" wouldn't leave you. If they did, they wouldn't be the one. You think you "blew it." Regardless of what you may have done, it wasn't worth it to her to communicate with you and address it. She chose to end the relationship.

 

You sound committed to this relationship. Wouldn't you have stuck it out through good and through bad, and worked a way through the problems you had together? Someone who is committed to you will do exactly that, no excuses. And you're definitely worth a partner who is equally committed to the relationship. I have to keep reminding myself about that too.

 

This is accurate. I too was convinced that I was responsible for our RS failing. But, I realized Moo is right. What I did was not RS-ending behavior. She chose to let it go there. She didn't fight, work or communicate anything. She was lazy and not invested. If she were, we could have easily made it through any of the issues I was responsible for.

[MichaelLindsay]

Thanks for the comments.

 

I think for alot of people this is a place to vent how they feel rather than get answers.

 

To me unless the relationship is totally ****ed i think communication is the key. And admitting when to put your own feelings aside for a second. Granted im absolutely devastated about what has happened and i still think about our past and future.

 

looking at how the other person got to this stage my be a good thing for alot of people.

 

Id recommend trying to write down every part of the relationship good and bad.

go through the whole thing. list parts in as much detail as you can if you want. you will soon get tired and feel better.

 

I think for now the NC wasn't working for me at all. my girlfriend split up with me, but not cause she's a bitch. she did it and is absolutely heartbroken that it never worked for us both.

 

i messaged her again today to show her something id done 6 months or so ago. on facebook we had 400,000 messages. i managed to get back to the start and hoped i would use it in my wedding vows or when i proposed.

 

i sent it to her and she just had no words to say back. but spoke to me on a friend basis. saying how **** she was doing etc. by the end of today we were almost joking in texts about how ****ed we felt. how devistated we were and how screwed our lifes now were.

 

i still feel ****ed but speaking helped. not to somehow rekindle anything. but to talk to my best friend. she had work tomorrow and a 3500 word essay fr wed and i truly dont want her to **** up either.

 

the guts that it must have took to say she didnt think it was working must have been hard.

 

maybe im being a pushover but i think 2 much of our lifes is regimented and i think the best way to feel is what you want given the circumstance. i truly dont believe the nc rule is for everyone.

 

I think in time we will most probably drift apart and nc will feel almost natural once they have moved on.

 

Breaking up is a hard life lesson that is tough to swallow.

 

i dont agree with a lot of things she has done or how she went about the breakup but I have no idea how i would have delt with it so until that time i need to keep positive. If we were meant to be we will meet up sometime later in life. when we will have grown into people who realise what lifes about.

 

Thanks